


The Carbon Cycle

by cafffine



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergence - Order 66, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hermit Obi-Wan Kenobi, I would call it an order 66 fix-it but there's a lot going on, M/M, Mutual Pining, Past Relationship(s), Post-Order 66, Some Fluff, smoking (tobacco), stormtrooper cody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:48:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 62,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26578573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cafffine/pseuds/cafffine
Summary: In an attempt to settle into his life on Tatooine, Obi-wan picks up flower gardening. Across the galaxy, Cody is stuck with an inhibitor chip in his head and a thankless job in the Empire.-When strange gardening advice and the budding rebellion somehow bridge the infinite distance between them, the question must be asked: How much do a hermit and a stormtrooper really mean to each other?
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & CT-7567 | Rex, CC-2224 | Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi
Comments: 257
Kudos: 636
Collections: My heart is full





	1. Secondary Growth

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot overstate how happy I am to be getting this fic out after so many months of editing and planning, I really hope you all like it as much as I do! 
> 
> Thank you to @thanksveryga and @kitcatkim (both on tumblr) for their amazing help and input as beta readers for this chapter, they were both so lovely to hear from. 
> 
> Also I'm a forestry major so the chapter titles are mostly forestry/botany terms that I thought fit the chapter's theme, I'll include a definition for all of them but sorry if they're a bit odd.

**_Secondary Growth_ def. **

**A term to describe the way trunks, stems, roots, and shoots of plants increase their width or thickness. This type of outward growth is labelled secondary because it generally only happens after successful primary growth (getting longer). Plants need to grow up before they grow out.**

-

About a year after Padmé died he planted flowers for the first time. They dried up and were long dead within two days.

It was foolish, he knew this, Tatooine was too harsh and unforgiving for delicate beings like marigolds. Not to mention that the potting soil he bought was cheap and the water was probably too acidic or heavy with damaging minerals. The leaves, much like his hair, turned yellow and bleached from overexposure to the suns. A waste of a couple credits, he had to throw their withered little corpses out into the trash heap.

His planter bins were only supposed to be for food, the snake traps were never a given and trips into town were few and far between. He had been steadily losing weight ever since he arrived and the gnarled misshapen vegetables he grew were becoming more important to his diet by the day. During his time in the temple he’d been taught not to take food for granted, but the sentiment never really sank in until he grew his first marvelous beet after a month of overspending at the market and starving for breakfast.

He loved his garden and he’d be left for dead without it, but childish as it may be, he wished for a spot of color. There was the green of the cabbage, green leeks, green heads of broccoli, he missed the temple gardens horribly. He used to take walks through them in the spring and try to pick out his favorite flower, the wide yellow pop of a lily? A sprig of fragrant lilacs? The melancholy droop of a blue bellflower? It changed every time.

So maybe it wasn’t boredom but nostalgia that convinced him to stop at the trading post outside of Tosche station. The old Togrtutan woman there always had a few blossoms and clippings from her hut that she sold to children and husbands looking to bring something nice home.

“This for the Mrs.?” She asked him, not moving from her dusty armchair.

He smiled politely and prayed the dust on his face would conceal his flush, “No, just me I’m afraid.”

She nodded and pointed to the second rack of flowers, “You’ll be wanting the ones in pots then, the ones in bunches is for the sweethearts.”

He bit his cheek to stop from laughing, “Of course.”

There weren’t many options, some purple pansies, snapdragons that hadn’t bloomed yet, and the daisies had seen better days. They were nice, but nothing called to him.

“Do you think you’ll have more tomorrow?” He hoped it didn’t sound rude. 

She frowned and shielded her eyes from the suns as she looked up at him, “All there is for now, those and the marigolds.”

“Marigolds?”

She kicked her foot to point under the table. “Down ‘ere.”

He dropped into a squat to examine them and his heart jumped with excitement for the first time in what felt like decades. There they were, two frail marigolds, only three blossoms between them. They were orange like a man he used to know.

“I’ll take them.” He said.

-

Two weeks after the marigolds wilted, he cut his thumb open on accident and bled all over the dinner table. He realized he had a problem when the first thought he had was how nice the spots of red looked with the white placemat. He was a lonely old man, what was the harm in giving in and growing some flowers? Better than bleeding out in the kitchen just to see red again.

The initial failure weighed heavy on his conscience and he knew it would still have to be marigolds that he grew, he owed it to them. He tried not to get too worked up but the thought of going out to his own garden and seeing a shock of orange, or perhaps cutting a few florets for his bedroom window made him swoon with delight. This time he would do it right, no half-dead cuttings from an old woman’s patch of weeds, he would grow them himself.

Not wanting to touch his savings, he sold his bed frame in order to buy a new planter bin and a few pounds of the richest potting soil a dump like Mos Eisley could offer. On the way back to his house with all his ridiculous supplies in tow, he stopped at the top of a canyon to look down at the Skywalker farm. As soon as he felt the force reach out and poke him, he revved his speeder and left in a hurry. 

The seeds were planted two inches apart and one inch deep like it said on the bag, and he gave them the filtered water that was supposed to be for drinking. He knew a watched pot wouldn’t boil, but the little patch of dirt quickly became the most entertaining aspect of his life, he couldn’t stop himself from checking the planter every few hours.

On the third day he woke to find five of the ten seeds reaching up with tiny green sprouts and he almost wept with relief. After a week it was clear that three of them were duds, but the seven that had managed to germinate were his pride and joy. He set up a thin linen roof to shelter them from the full wrath of the suns and fed them with the fertilizer from his compost, it was refreshing to care for something again.

Out of pure dread that his inexperience would soon win out he went back to Tosche station with his tail between his legs.

The old woman saw him coming from across the sands and puffed her cigar at him as he approached. “You the Marigold boy?”

He laughed, he supposed he was. “That would be me.”

“They still growin? The ones ya bought last month?” The smoke of her cigar swirled up around her montrals like a ghostly hat.

He shifted under her steady glare, “Yes, they’re looking quite lovely.” He felt the back of his neck begin to sweat; he hadn’t planned on lying.

“Good, good.” She gave him a toothy grin and gestured to the rack of blossoms, “Try the pansies this time.”

He pulled his pouch of credits out to prove he wasn’t there to waste her time before speaking, “Thank you but, that’s not what I’ve returned for.”

Her lekku twitched with curiosity and he tried very hard not to let it remind him of Ahsoka.

“I was hoping for some advice, actually.” He passed the pouch between his hands to calm his nervousness, it was so rare that he talked to other people these days, he felt terribly out of practice.

“Where ya from?” She asked, ignoring his words completely, “You’ve got one of those funny accents.”

“Mandalore.” He steadied his hands and began rehearsing his cover in his head, born in southern Mandalore, went to Malastare at twenty-five, worked there through the war, moved to Tatooine after losing his job as a primary school teacher. 

She leaned further back to get a good look at him, “I’m sorry.”

He stared at her; he had been expecting more questions.

Her lekku shifted again, “Heard the empires not treatin ya too kindly, ya Mandalorians that is.”

“Oh, thank you.” The sun on his back was beginning to hurt, “I’ve-I’ve heard the same.”

“What’d ya want to know?” 

Right, the flowers. “I’m rather new to gardening, you see, and you’re the only person I’ve met around here who grows anything other than vegetables.” 

She shrugged, “Used to be lots of us, we’d sell em at podraces, good money.” 

He didn’t remember seeing flower vendors at the podraces, but that was a long time ago, not a memory he could trust. “It must have been lovely.” 

“Ah, course it was.” She sighed and threw the butt of her cigar to the ground, “Looking for growin advice then? Want to know how I get 'em like that?” 

He could almost see it now, every color in the galaxy, right outside his window, “If you’re willing to impart such wisdom.” 

She laughed, probably at his choice of words and shook her head, “Just talk to ‘em.” 

His kaleidoscope daydream came to a screeching halt, “I’m sorry?”

“Ya usin good soil?” 

He nodded, perhaps he’d misheard that first part. 

“Givin them the meal scraps? Bit of shade ‘round noon?” 

“Yes, all of that.” He felt a tinge of pride at all the boxes he was checking. 

She reached idly for another smoke, “See? Not much else ya can do with yer hands.” The match between her fingers flared and she spoke around the cigar between her teeth, “Time to start talkin.” 

He watched the smoke blend seamlessly with the ever-present dust in the air and wondered briefly if she was making fun of him. 

She laughed again but only with her body, her shoulders shook and her lekku twitched in tandem, “Don’t stare Mandalorian, it’s the best trick in the trade.” 

“Apologies, do you mean I should-” he’d been a war general once, “Do you mean I should _talk_ to the flowers?” 

“Who else?” 

“Right.” Disappointment began calling him back home, this had all been very fun while it lasted. 

“I know ya think I’m pullin yer leg.” She sat forward a bit so she wouldn’t need to squint anymore, “But ya best try it, wouldn’t lie to ya.” 

It would be rude not to at least pretend to take her seriously, he would only ask for her sake, nothing more. “Alright, and what...would I say?” 

She leaned back again, content with his reaction, “I usually talk to me husband, my sister sometimes, someone I can really gab at.” 

Humoring people had always been his specialty in some way, “I see, so, they’re someone I know?” 

“Someone ya miss.” She smiled as the ash from her cigar fell against her chest, “That way ya can’t never run out of words.” 

-

He bought more potting soil and a week later another one of the sprouts died, leaving him with six. He’d only spoken to the gardeners at the temple on a few occasions, and he cursed himself viciously for never thinking to ask about the technicalities of their job. 

Three days later and he woke to find another of the sprouts had started to wilt. He was still in his bed shirt and bleary with sleep, but the sight was so horrifying in its implications that he was nearly petrified with fear and had to look away. 

He calmed himself and went back into the kitchen to fix a mug of caff, these plants simply could not die, he didn’t have the energy to restart. Maybe it was a pest problem? Or his water filter had stopped working and the roots couldn’t drink? Maybe he was simply asking too much of them, Tatooine was a hard place to grow. 

There was only one piece of advice he hadn’t taken yet, and he could feel it tapping him on the shoulder. 

All the farmers nearby already thought he was a lunatic, he chuckled at the thought, what would they say if they saw him holding a conversation with a planting bin? 

He heard the old woman again, “ _Someone you miss.”_

He missed Ahsoka. His stomach dropped, if he was ever to say her name again it would not be under such arbitrary circumstances. He had no idea what he’d say to her even if she was there, and he didn’t particularly want to find out, no, he couldn’t talk to Ahsoka. 

The caff was done which meant he needed to go out there and take action.

He missed Padmé but, that was horrible. He missed his Master, but it wasn’t like he could stand in his yard shouting about the order. He missed-no, he didn’t. 

He strode back out into the yard, equipped only with his mug. The wilting marigold and it’s four healthy siblings stared back at him, waiting patiently for their acknowledgement. He felt a wave of panic surge up through his spine, he’d have to talk to _someone._

“Cody.” 

The panic dissipated, of course, of course, Cody. 

“I wish you could see me now; I wonder what you’d say to the concept of verbal gardening.” 

He could always talk to Cody, his second in Command, the blaster at his side, gods, he had so much to say. 

“I’m on Tatooine, if you can believe it. Not sure how I feel about the desert, you always seemed to do better in the heat than me, even in all that armor.” 

He sipped his caff and smiled to himself, Cody always used to overdress for the colder planets they landed on. He’d wear those big funny scarves and push his face into them. 

“I think you’d like the garden, I certainly do, though it’s an awful lot of work.” 

The marigold sprouts seemed to bob their heads in the breeze as they listened. 

“I’m not sure if you ever saw them but the temple gardens were so lovely in the spring, just beautiful. Not natural beauty of course, not like some of the forests or mountain ranges I’ve visited, it was all very...well sculpted.” He laughed as though Cody were right there to roll his eyes, “I just loved all the variety, you know, there were flowers from nearly every system, quite the achievement.” 

He remembered landing on Felucia with Cody for the first time. He hadn’t been able to truly take in the landscape because the look of awe on his Commander’s face, combined with the gentle way he walked over the lush understory had been too distracting. 

“Anyway, I can’t say I’ll be giving the temple gardeners a run for their money any time soon, but I’ve become far too involved in this little experiment of mine.” 

Cody would probably have given him that smile and said something reassuring about how nice it was to see him working on something again. 

“I suppose that’s why I’m talking to you; I need a bit of help.” He paused as though waiting for confirmation, “I think I may be losing my mind but, I’ve given them the water, the food, the sunlight, they’re still too small to need more room for their roots, oh, I don’t know.” 

Cody would have put a hand on his shoulder and told him the flowers would be fine, it was natural for some of them to die. 

“So I hope you don’t mind Cody, I’m just going to keep talking to you until I’ve figured something out.” 

Cody wouldn’t mind, he never did. 

“Right, well, I hope you’re comfortable dear, it’s a long story.” 

He stood in his yard in his bare feet and his bed shirt and told Cody that he’d found a hut on Tatooine, though he couldn’t say why, just to be safe. He talked, or rather complained in great detail about learning how to use the snake traps and how even though it drove him mad, it was better than buying meat at the market. He told Cody about his speeder bike and how it needed fixing, he talked about the Togrutan woman who started it all, and that he told people he was from Mandalore now which he was starting to feel guilty about. He told Cody about every room in his house for no reason, he told him that his bed was surprisingly comfortable, and that the pictures on his walls meant nothing to him, he just wanted to fill them.

He talked until it was nearly eleven and he still hadn’t eaten anything. He made sure to let Cody know he’d be back, he’d only just gotten started.

After two days the wilting marigold had perked back up, he figured it must have been an issue with the water. 

-

_As soon as the doors to the elevator slid shut Cody’s hands were on him, wrapping around his waist and pulling him in. “That was too long,” he said against Obi-wan’s neck, “That was too kriffing long to make me wait for you.”_

_Obi-wan tried to laugh but the sound caught in his throat as Cody sucked a mark into the skin just below his collar. “You know I didn’t - ah! - ask to be sent to that conference.” He’d done it as a favor to Padmé, he hated going on diplomatic trips alone._

_“Mm, should’ve let me come with you.” Cody smiled and let a hand drop down to squeeze his ass, “Could’ve said you needed a bodyguard.”_

_“Ha! I wonder what the council would say to that.” He used his fingertips to guide Cody’s jaw as he went in for a kiss and let his eyes fall shut._

_Cody’s hold on him tightened and he moaned into it, only pulling back when the elevator slowed to their floor._

_“Did you ruin my hair?” Obi-wan asked, smirking as he straightened his robes out._

_“I’m going to.”_

-

Not long ago his life had been nothing but structure, pure scaffolding. Meetings and flights and hours spent in war rooms, meal breaks that lasted all of twenty minutes, weapons checks and trips to the med bay, training, briefings, six hours in bed, war and blood and gore, a cacophony of urgency. 

Now he didn’t even need to check the clock anymore, he’d just look up to see where the suns were in the sky and know if he still had enough time to finish his chores. The days were all the same bleached out silence, the passage of time an afterthought. In other words, he was out of practice in waiting, which made the realization that it would be weeks before his plants flowered all the more frustrating. 

“What do you think?” He had a chair out in the yard for their conversations now, if he was going to spend so much time staring at them, he might as well be filling the silence. “If these marigolds don’t flower soon will I finally crack? Complete my transformation into the crazed old man I’m meant to be?” 

Cody would probably have laughed at that, ‘ _You’re not even forty yet stop calling yourself old_ ,’ he’d say, ‘ _You’d just be a normal madman._ ’

“I’ll look the part soon too, what with all this gray hair and whatever the suns are doing to my skin,” he grimaced, “Shriveling me up.” 

He wondered how he’d fare in battle these days, he could hear the hum of his saber buried deep in the floorboards, asking the same question. 

“I like to think I’m keeping myself healthy, but I know you, you’d be very upset with the way my ribs are poking through.” He pointed to Cody’s nonexistent look of horror, “Now don’t get upset, these vegetables are much better for me than those awful rations we used to eat.” 

He had to change the subject, talking about life on Tatooine was all well and good, but reminiscing about the war was something else.

“I was thinking of cutting my beard.”

Cody would have throttled him.

He laughed to himself, “Alright, perhaps not, it was just a thought.”

The conversation lasted till the suns were high enough to start heating the ground and reminding him to start his day or be cooked alive.

“I think that’s all for right now Cody, I’m going into the station later for that gear replacement on my speeder that I told you about.” He stood up to dust himself off and check the soil on his spinach plants, “Hopefully I see something different while I’m out, something you’d find interesting.” 

He stepped back into the shade of his hut and he was alone again. Being alone was not his preferred state, but the fact that it didn’t feel quite so permanent anymore was enough to keep him moving. 

-

While riding into Toche station the old Togrutan woman waved at him as he passed on his rattling speeder. He was moving too fast to really register what had happened and nearly crashed a second later trying to come to a screeching halt. 

He waited for his heart rate to slow before heading back out through the gates to make up for his rudeness. “I’m very sorry, I didn’t see you at first.” 

She dipped her head in response and went back to rearranging her shelf of bracelets. 

It seemed a natural ending to their greeting, but he found himself unable to leave. 

“Need somethin boy?” She asked, without turning around. 

He might have tripped over his words a few weeks ago but talking with Cody had been good practice for his rusty manners. “Yes, now that you mention it, I don’t think I ever caught your name, Madame.” 

Her montrals turned to him before her head did and she snorted, “ _Madame_! Tryin to butter me up? Gonna ask for a loan?” 

“Nothing like that, I assure you.” He straightened his back and gave her his warmest smile, “I’ll go first if you’d like.” 

She crossed her arms and pursed her lips as she thought, “Alright then, marigolds and Mandalore, what they call ya?” 

“Ben Kenobi.” He had to stop himself from bowing, that would be a touch too far, “Ben is fine.” 

“Good to know ya Ben,” she raised an eyebrow, “Can call me Yashotta.” 

“Yashotta,” There was something undeniably exciting about learning a new name for the first time in over a year, he couldn’t wait to tell Cody about it. “It’s my pleasure.” 

She laughed to herself and turned back to her work, “Well Ben, ya been talkin to the flowers?” 

He hesitated only for an instant, not long enough for her to notice. “I have. I wanted to thank you again for your help.” 

“Ah, good, good.” She nodded with approval, “They gettin big yet? Nice colors?” 

“Well, not exactly.” The heat of the suns must have been getting to his head because without thinking he asked, “Would you like to see them?” 

He could feel an ice-cold hand on his shoulder and voice in his ear. _What are you doing? You’re in hiding you fool, one misstep and it’s all over._

Yashotta gave him a quick confused glance, “Ya just learned my name Mister Ben Kenobi, already tryin to take me home?” 

_This is not how it works anymore, you’re a dangerous man to know, don’t do this to her._

“I’ll be a perfect gentleman, dinner on the house.” He dipped his head like he’d been taught to when speaking to elders, “Consider it a standing offer?” 

She plopped herself back down to her chair with a huff and squinted up at him, “Yer a strange one.” 

If only she knew. 

“But yer a good boy for wantin to help a neighbor.” 

“Is that a yes?” 

“Depends,” she reached for her cigar box, “How ya feel about smoke in yer house?” 

-

He burned the yams and nearly fell to the floor in dismay. Yashotta was smoking in his living room, most likely hungry and tired from a long day under the suns, and there he was burning her food. 

“Kriff.” He muttered to himself, “Kriff it all.” 

The concept of having company was entirely new, a complete shot in the dark. He’d always lived in the temple, and then once the war started he lived practically nowhere at all. There was his cabin room on the Negotiator, but that was really just a place to crash in between meetings and mission jumps. He’d have to rely on his manners to cover the inexperience 

“Where’d ya find this place?” Yashotta asked him from the other room, “Don’t think I remember who lived ‘ere before ya.” 

He entertained the idea of cutting off the burned parts off and hoping she wouldn't notice, “There was a posting about it by the cantina,” he lied, “Cheapest property around when I moved here.” 

“Hm. It’s nice.” 

There was no avoiding his inevitable shame at the burned yams, he’d kept her waiting too long as it was. “Still hungry?” 

“Starvin.” 

He’d forgotten what a simple luxury it was to share a meal with another person. Sitting around a campfire and wolfing down the day’s rations with his officers or other Jedi had been some of the only moments of calm during the war. Before that he’d eat wherever his Master was, or in the temple surrounded by his people, a warm meal had always come with company. 

Yashotta made no snide comments about his admittedly unprofessional cooking, she just kicked her feet up and told him about Mos Eisley in its prime and how she wished he could have seen it. He knew how the tale would end of course, with the slavers coming and the monopolization of the podracing teams, but it was nice to hear of better times. 

Nearly two hours into her visit Yashotta stopped in the middle of a sentence and turned to him, “Almost forgot!” She hauled herself up, ignoring his attempts to help her, “Don’t want ya thinkin I came empty handed!” 

He watched, stunned, as she shuffled over to her bag and brandished what he knew immediately to be a bottle of T'iil-T'iil. “My goodness.” He knew his liquor, that was not an easy drink to come by even on Coruscant, “Where did you find something like that?” 

“Ya know it?” She grinned, “I’m impressed, this isn’t somethin yer like to find in town.”

“I should think not.” He eyed her, “Are you certain you want to waste a bottle on someone like me?” 

“Better than sittin in my pantry with the dust.” She popped the cork with one hand and gave it a sniff, “Friend of my husband worked a job on Loj, brought it back for us as a gift, nice man.” 

He knew better than to ask about the husband she kept mentioning and stood to clear their plates, “Well, I’ll get us my finest mugs in his honor.” 

When he returned from the kitchen she was still standing, staring out his window into the darkness of the canyon. “Ya new at this?” She asked, her voice was quieter, “Livin alone?” 

He took the bottle from her and poured them each a mug, it was the first real question she’d asked him. “Only since the end of the war.” It was one of the more harmless truths. 

She kept her eyes on the canyon, “Gets easier, don’t worry.” 

He didn’t know how to respond so he gave the T’iil an experimental sip, it was better than he remembered, a thousand times over. 

“Ya like it?” 

He almost coughed from the burn which dissolved into laughter, “I think it’s ruined all other rum for me, thank you very much.” 

She clacked their mugs together, “To the marigolds yeah?” 

He laughed again, “To the marigolds.” 

They drank in silence for a bit and he was thankful for the time to reflect. She’d been very kind about how pathetic his flowers still looked, assuring him they’d be ready to blossom soon and checking for any signs of pest damage, of which there was none. The more she talked about her experience in growing flowers the more curious he became about her own garden, he imagined it was nearly as old as he was.

Yashotta was the first to break the silence, she spoke carefully as though trying to keep her words from drifting out the open window. “Ya know Ben, talkin to the flowers an all that, it’s not just good for them.” 

The T’iil was warming him but he wasn’t drunk, just very content. 

“People like us,” she glanced at him to make sure he was listening, “It’s nice to do some real talkin sometimes.” 

“I’ll admit, I was skeptical at first.”

“So was I, I mean, does sound a bit mad. But then Henry died - me husband - an I started thinkin about how he’d still want to know what I were up to; he’d want to know I was doin just fine without him.” 

Her honesty was humbling, he almost envied it. 

She sighed and gave her drink another swig, “So one day when the pansies were givin me hell I just started tellin him about it, just stood right there an told him the pansies weren’t growin.” There wasn’t much humor to her laugh, “He must’a been happy to hear from me because next mornin,” she gestured proudly to the imaginary pansies, “Beautiful, every one of em.” 

“That’s lovely,” he could see the beautiful pansies for a moment too, and then he frowned. “I’m sorry about your husband.” 

“Podracing.” She played absentmindedly with the tip of her lekk, “Dangerous, very dangerous.” 

The suns had all but disappeared, wrapping them in the shadows of his hut, “Was he a racer?” 

“No,” her smile was hard to catch in the dark, “Mechanic. He was good with the engines, really got em singin.” 

He set his drink down and got to work lighting some candles, it was the quietest way of asking her to stay a bit longer. 

“That’s how I met him, ya know, back - oh gods - nearly fifty years now.” 

He jumped at the invitation to ask more, “At the races?” 

She nodded and the flickering shadow of her montrals bounced across his ceiling. “Me an some of the other girls, we’d go down and put together the bouquets for the winners. He was workin in the pits for the drivers, fixin up the engines real fast in the middle of the lap.” 

A flower girl and a pit mechanic, the image charmed him right out of his dusty hut and into the bustling chaos of a racing tournament. Screaming vendors, the sickly smell of fuel, champions dripping with sweat and flower petals.

“He used to come by an ask us what the names of all the flowers were, never asked about the same one twice,” she snapped her fingers, “He’d learn em that quick.” 

“And how long until he started asking about you?” 

“Ah,” she rolled her eyes, “Months, wanted to take his time an all, but I was goin mad. Handsome boy like that spendin all his time around me? Not even tellin me my dress were nice?” She scoffed, “Couldn’t believe my ears when he walked up one day, all covered in grease askin, ‘ _Yash, would ya let me buy ya an ice after the race?_ ’ Had to kiss him right there.” 

His eyebrows shot up, “Did you really?” 

“Course!” Her smile was different than before, more childlike, “Shoulda seen the look on his face, like I’d slapped him!” 

His laugh echoed back at him, “How romantic.”

“Anyways,” she chuckled, “We was married not too long after, we’d done our waiting.” 

“And your bouquet?” He had to ask. 

She cocked an eyebrow and smirked, “That wedding were every color in the galaxy, every damn one.” 

He leaned back into his armchair and closed his eyes, trying to picture Yashotta in a white dress surrounded by a never-ending expanse of blooms and color. His mind spun as he thought about the fragrance that must have blown across the Tatooine desert that day. Something so sweet that every moth, butterfly, and bee in the system must have turned their heads and joined the reception. He wished he could have met Henry, he wished he had taken Cody to the temple gardens.

“But, ya know, that were a long time ago, very long time ago Ben.” 

He opened his eyes, he’d almost forgotten they were talking about a dead man. 

Yashotta set her drink down and was quiet as she ambled over to her bag to get a cigar. After a few puffs she gave him a long look, her eyes were a faded grey, “Twenty-six years of marriage, longer than most, a blessing, really a blessing.” The end of her cigar glowed orange, “One day he were workin the pits an they crashed right into him, saw it from the stands m’self.” 

He was thankful for the candles he’d lit earlier; it would have been much worse in the dark. “I’m sorry, that must have been terrible.” 

She sank down into the chair opposite him, “Aye, terrible.” 

He didn’t know what else to say so he let the silence hang. He hadn’t asked her to talk about her husband, and she wasn’t going to ask about his story, but still she had shared. 

“Last bit of advice son,” her sadness was gone, replaced by something much kinder. “It works best if yer being honest, cause they can’t ask ya nothin. If yer sad tell em yer sad, if ya miss em tell em ya miss em, else they won’t know, an the more they know;” she spread her hands upwards. 

-

_“Cody?” Obi-wan blinked hard as he stumbled through the dark room, there was a light on down the hall and it was burning his eyes._

_“In the kitchen.” Cody’s voice was hoarse with sleep, “Go back to bed, I’m just getting some water.”_

_He squeezed his eyes shut against the harsh lights of the kitchen and found a counter to lean on._

_“I’m serious.” Cody huffed, “It’s 3:30, go back to bed.”_

_“I’ll wait for you,” he said through a yawn, “You know I won’t be able to sleep a wink until you come back.”_

_Cody made a quiet noise of annoyance but didn’t seem up to argue his point. “Why’d you wake up anyway, was it the light?”_

_Obi-wan shook his head, his eyes were still screwed shut, “No, don’t worry it wasn’t you, I don’t really know.” He could hear Cody shuffle over and smiled as he was pulled into a warm hug._

_“Long day tomorrow General.” Cody reached out to turn the lights off, leaving them in the quiet darkness of the hotel’s kitchen._

_“Always is.”_

_The kiss Cody dropped onto his shoulder was painfully cold from the water he’d been drinking and Obi-wan jumped at the contact. “Oh! Damn you!” He jerked away to nurse his wound as Cody shook with laughter._

_“C’mon.” Cody was still smiling as he dragged him back down the hall, “Back to bed with you.”_

_“You’re an awful man, irredeemable.” He gave the force a light pull and sent a pillow flying into Cody’s head._

_-_

He was sobering up by the time Yashotta left, but the heat in his chest that only good alcohol could inflict lingered. It was such a familiar feeling and the dinner had gone so well that he didn’t want to go to bed just yet, the night was too good to give up. 

He left the dishes in the sink and found himself in his yard with a cup of tea in his hand. It was a nice night, he thought as he stared up into the stars, next time he had someone over they could eat outside.

The screeches of womp rats echoed across the endless desert followed by the distant hum of an engine. The marigolds sat next to him in their planter and Yashotta was right, they didn’t ask him anything.

A tinge of guilt bubbled up as he remembered how dismissive he’d been about her advice. He knew talking to plants didn’t help them grow, he wasn’t a fool, but that’s not what it was about at all. Loss was a strange beast and she was only trying to help him live with it.

He took a deep breath, honesty, that’s what she’d recommended. “I hope you’re alright Ahsoka.” He knew she wasn’t dead, he wasn’t sure how, but the thought hadn’t once crossed his mind.

“I hope wherever you are you aren't alone.” He tried to smile, “And if you are alone, I hope it’s somewhere nicer than Tatooine.”

There was a lump already forming in his throat, “I may never see you again, but I want to tell you I am so sorry for-” He had to stop there and wipe his eyes. 

“Well Cody,” he croaked, “I suppose it was worth a try, but I think I’ll just stick to you and me for now.” 

Cody would’ve agreed, he’d be quiet and understanding like he always was. 

“Oh dear,” he said, his tea was getting cold, “I do. I do miss you.”

-

On the C-deck of the Trial, an Imperial-class Star Destroyer with a crew of 38,760, a Stormtrooper woke with a start. He didn’t need to look down to know he was covered in them, they were on his face, littered through his sheets, stuck to his hair, clenched in his fists, tiny orange flower petals, everywhere.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who took the time to read, I love you all and can't wait to show you chapter two!! (It's done, just in editing, dw)
> 
> Every comment and kudos means so much to me and genuinely helps with writing motivation, I'm also always available on tumblr @cafffine if you have a request or just want to be friends :)


	2. Cladoptosis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wasn't the first chapter so nice and down to earth :) yeah not this one this is buck wild.
> 
> Thank you again to @thanksveryga and @kitcatkim (both on tumblr) for their help as beta readers I love y'all so much.

**_Cladoptosis_ ** **def.**

 **When disposing of unneeded tissue, a tree will most often drop single leaves, this is commonly observed in the autumn season. However, it is through** **_Cladoptosis_ ** **that a tree can rid themselves of far more deadweight and drop entire branches.**

-

Once the chips were activated Cody and his brothers didn’t dream anymore, perhaps a result of some horrifying brain damage, he didn’t know, didn’t really care. It was a blessing in a way, they’d all done terrible things that would jump at the chance to haunt them if they could, but the pain of reflection never came, they just went to bed.

He dragged himself to breakfast after sweeping all the orange under his bunk and assumed his usual spot in the mess hall. He’d deal with whatever had happened later, an explanation was out there, no doubt. 

Hound sank down next to him, his tray piled high with griddlecakes, “Hear about the new blasters they had shipped in last night Cody?”

He didn’t bother looking up, he was watching the way his mug of caff shook in his hand. It wasn’t nervousness - that he could control - it was his age, his failing nerves. “You know I don’t oversee weapons transports.”

Rivet squeezed himself into a seat across from them as he snorted, “C’mon, you think those are going to us? You should know better vod.”

Cody glared at him, Mando’a wasn’t spoken in the Empire. “Don’t use that word, you know they don’t like it.”

Rivet just smiled and popped a grape into his mouth. He was too young, hadn’t even finished his training on Kamino when the order came through. The boldness that came with his lack of experience was dangerous, he still thought the Empire needed him. 

“Aw calm down Codes, no one can hear us.” Hound gave him a nudge, “And you shut your trap Rivet cause the shipment was huge, new blasters for everyone, not just the nat-borns.”

Rivet’s smile widened, “You wanna bet?”

“Vod,” Hound didn’t bother chewing his food as he grinned, “I’d love to.”

Cody looked away in disgust, the two of them had started following him around a few months ago and he’d been a constant victim of their stupidity ever since. Rivet was obnoxious and Cody hadn’t known Hound during the war so there was no sense of duty to uphold an old friendship. Apparently he’d been one of Fox’s ARFs before the Empire’s new management landed him on the Trial, not an ideal promotion. Cody could give him the benefit of the doubt when it came to his time in the Coruscant Guard, maybe he actually had been a good Sergeant, but right now he was a god-awful stormtrooper. Couldn't aim for the life of him. 

The only thing they had going for them was that they’d chosen their prey well, Cody didn’t really have the energy to chase them off. 

“How many credits have you lost in the past month?” Hound’s eyebrows shot up when Rivet didn’t have an immediate answer, “Past two months?” 

The accused began shifting in his seat, “Doesn’t matter.” 

“Past three months?”

Rivet swatted at him, nearly hitting Cody in the process. “Up yours dog man!” 

“Good news boys,” Bacara’s arrival provided a momentary calm, “Inquisitor’s requesting backup on Zanbar, looks like we might be seeing some action again.” 

Cody swallowed down his displeasure, he hated working with the Inquisitors, they made him sick to be around. 

“Zanbar?” Rivet always spoke too loudly, “That’s close to Mandalore, home sweet home!” 

“You know what Mandalore's like these days kid?” Bacara asked with a scoff. 

Rivet shrugged, “Who cares? Not like I ever got a chance to see it before.”

“Alright, good point,” Bacara waved him off, “Doesn’t matter though, we’re going to Zanbar. Only business we’d have on Mandalore is riot control.”

“You know,” Hound’s voice dropped to a whisper, “I heard we’re building labor camps.” 

“On Mandalore?”

“Yes idiot.” He aimed a piece of griddlecake at Rivet’s head, “On Mandalore.”

Cody could sense Bacara’s unease immediately, they were both higher ranking than Hound and knew damn well that wasn’t something he was supposed to say. 

“Empire doesn’t use labor camps, we’re helping Mandalore.” Bacara’s tone was tight, a warning, “Isn’t that right Codes?” 

Cody kept his eyes down, a coward’s move. “That’s right, the Empire wouldn’t do something like that.”

-

Breakfast got quiet after Bacara’s cover up and Cody left without finishing his meal. He wasn’t particularly proud of lying to Hound and Rivet about the situation on Mandalore, but it was idiots like them who got sent away for asking too many questions, it was for their own good.

The trooper outside the drill hall saluted as he approached, too short to be a clone. 

“Morning trooper.” Cody suppressed a yawn, there was a time when three or four hours of sleep would have been enough for a whole week, now it just made him feel grimy.

“Morning sir,” her voice was funny, anxious.

He watched as she awkwardly dropped out of the salute and made no move to open the door for him.

After a few painful seconds she seemed to catch on and whipped around to fumble with the keypad, “Right, welcome to the, er, drill room.”

He was too tired to scold an inexperienced stormtrooper, their training was shit as it was. His ears caught the short breath of relief she let out as the door closed between them and he rolled his eyes. The drill hall was already bright and busy, echoing with shouted commands and the chants of new recruits, it was already giving him a headache.

_“Cody! I don’t believe it!”_

He froze.

_“How, oh my, I don’t know what to do.”_

There was no indication that anyone else could hear it, the troopers marching in rows on the floor below didn’t miss a beat.

“ _I mean there weren’t even any buds last night_ _but look at this!”_

He wasn’t wearing his helmet so it couldn’t be coming from his comm link, he tapped his ear anyway.

_“Oh, Cody, they’re beautiful, I might cry, oh gods.”_

There was a railing in front of him and he lurched forward to grab onto it for support.

“ _Let me see,”_ there was a short pause, “ _Ha! Six! Can you believe it! Six flowers, overnight!”_

The voice laughed and he had to cover his mouth to hide his manic smile, that was Obi-wan Kenobi, clear as day.

-

_There was heat at their backs as they ran and the crackle of flames grew ever closer as it chased them through the narrow halls._

_“Do you need me to carry you?” Cody shouted as they slid around a sharp corner._

_Obi-wan was only a half-step behind him, clutching his side. “No,” he yelled back, “I’m alright, that would slow us both down.”_

_Cody grit his teeth but kept up his sprint, he didn’t need to turn around to know Obi-wan was trailing blood. His stomach dropped as the door in front of them began to close, he’d be able to clear it if he jumped but Obi-wan would never make it. He cursed, the corridor to the left would have to do, “Let’s turn here!”_

_Obi-wan nearly tripped over himself as he came to a stop, taking his bloodied hand off his side and reaching for his saber with a grimace. “I can cut through.”_

_“Like hell you can!” Cody’s legs were screaming from the long run and his breath was short and hot, “You’re too weak, it’ll take too long!”_

_Obi-wan’s eyes were wild as he stared down the wall of durasteel, sparks rained down around them and the sound of collapsing metal screeched in the distance._

_“Let’s go!”_

_Obi-wan jerked away as Cody lunged at him, there was an all too familiar hardness in his face, “This is the only way to the shuttle, you know that.”_

_It was the only way but Obi-wan would never manage the core strength to cut through the door, not with a wound that deep. “Fuck!” his heart was pounding, “I don’t care, we can’t stay here!”_

_“You do it.”_

_Cody flinched as another distant crash shook the floor, “What?”_

_Obi-wan tossed the saber and it snapped into Cody’s palm with a push of the force, “You know how.”_

_There was no time to think about it, the ship was collapsing around them. Cody stepped forward and pressed their foreheads together as the blade screamed to life in his hands, “Vor entye.”_

_When he reared back and plunged the saber into the cold durasteel he felt dangerous in a way he had never had before._

\- 

“You think it’s cause he’s been drinking?”

“Gods Rivet, what’s wrong with you?”

“What, like we weren’t all thinking about it?” 

Cody’s mouth tasted like metal and his head was throbbing.

“Look he’s waking up, is that what you’re gonna say? ‘Sorry you had a seizure, was it the alcoholism?’”

“Ah kriff off.”

Cody groaned; he had no idea where he was and opening his eyes felt like an impossibly complicated task.

One of the voices, Hound? Lightened his tone like he was talking to a child, “Hey vod, how are you feeling?”

“Fuck off.” He growled. 

Rivet’s laughter cut like glass against his aching skull and Cody reached desperately for something to throw at him. His hand settled on what felt like a tray of pills and he hurled it in the general direction of the sound, scattering its contents across the floor. 

“Kark Cody!” Hound’s yelp was followed by a series of expensive sounding crashes that did nothing to silence Rivet’s wails. 

Cody cursed again, the throbbing in his head wasn’t getting any better but his mind was starting to clear. He was in a bed, a far nicer bed than he was used to and he-oh. 

He shot up, electrified, the pain already a distant memory. 

“Woah, woah, nerf-herder,” Rivet stepped over Hound’s collapsed form and pushed both hands into Cody’s chest, “You’re supposed to be resting, doctor’s orders, I think.” 

Cody’s eyes were struggling to focus but he could make out the crisscrossing outline of all the wires connecting him to various machines. He needed to get out of there, he needed to start running. 

Hound was still on the floor when Rivet kicked him, “Get up and help! He’s scaring me!” 

Cody could feel his brother struggling to hold him back, he could snap this kid like a toothpick if he wanted to. 

Hound scrambled to his feet and caught Cody’s wrist before he could grab anything else, “C’mon vod, calm down, you’re fine, you’re in the med bay.” 

“How did I get here?” The med bay, alright, there was bound to be an exit nearby. His bed was sectioned off by some kind of tarp which made the rest of his surroundings hard to see, but he seemed to be near the end of the operating wing, close to the door. 

“No no,” Rivet gave his chest another shove, “No answers till you stop acting like a crazy person.” 

Cody still had one free hand which he was happy to weave into Rivet’s long curly hair and tug. The kid screeched like a maniac as his head was jerked backwards which startled Hound enough that he loosened his grip on Cody’s other wrist. A sharp and slightly misplaced punch to Hound’s throat was enough to send him flying back into the floor. 

Rivet was still making too much noise, so Cody tugged his head forward again, bringing their faces millimeters apart. “Shut up.” 

Rivet’s jaw snapped shut on command, making Hound’s coughing the only sound in the room. 

Cody held him in place for a second to make it clear any threats he made would not be empty ones. “Your name’s Rivet, right?” There was movement from the corner of the room and without breaking eye contact Cody slipped his hand down to steal Rivet’s blaster, cocking it at Hound’s head before he could stand up. 

Rivet nodded as best he could with a fist in his hair. 

“Good.” Cody knew the blaster was set to stun just from the way it felt in his hand, he’d have to bet on his brothers not being quite as perceptive if this interrogation was going to work. “Now Rivet, you’re going to answer my questions, or I’ll shoot you both.” 

“Cody it’s us!” Hound flinched as soon as the words left his mouth, “Wait! No, alright, I’ll be quiet.”

“How did I get here?” Cody repeated the question much slower this time, easing up on his grip to allow Rivet a chance to stumble back to the foot of the bed.

“You…uh,” Rivet’s hands were shaking and he cast a forlorn look over to Hound before daring to continue. “You left breakfast early, so we didn’t know where you were when-when the alarms went off.” 

Cody stayed silent; he did vaguely remember eating, but nothing of any alarms. 

“And then once the…er…I mean it was just a normal lockdown at first, like the kind we do in drills.” 

His memories of Rivet were coming back quickly, he liked to ramble, best to keep him on track. “What does this have to do with me?” 

Rivet scratched at his scalp where he’d been grabbed, “Well, because…the lockdown’s been going on for like, ten hours, and, you were supposed to be with us but, we couldn’t find you.” 

“Apparently you could.” 

Hound’s voice was an octave higher than usual, “Can I…?” His hands flew up in the air as the room’s attention spun back around to him, “Please don’t! He’s just-I could explain it a lot better.” 

Rivet’s eyes narrowed, “Oh thanks a lot.” 

“Fine.” Cody flicked his eyes down to Hound’s hip, “Toss me your weapon first.” There was an awkward silence as Hound weighed his options that Cody didn’t have the patience for. “Alright.” He swung the blaster around to Rivet, “I’ll shoot him then.” 

Hound was either too scared or too stupid to realize he had a clear shot and threw his blaster with a curse. 

Rex was right, Cody realized as he swung his legs off the bed and got to his feet, holding two blasters did make you feel pretty cool. 

“Okay,” Hound drew his knees up to his chest as he readied himself, “Right so basically, there was a security breach on the A-deck, and we’ve been doing lockdown sweeps all day.”

“And I wasn’t there for any of it?” 

Hound shook his head, “You were supposed to be leading our unit but Bacara was there instead, said you were busy.” 

Bacara, Cody could remember him now too, strange guy. 

“But we overheard his comm channel!” Rivet blurted out. 

“Can you-?” Hound shot him a deathly glare before turning his attention back to Cody, “It’s true, we overheard that you were in the med bay which, I know that’s against the rules, but, it’s not like we were _trying_ to spy on him and-” 

“You hear anything else?” 

“No.” 

Cody glanced quickly between them; they didn’t seem to be lying but something was missing. “Where is everybody?” 

Hound shifted nervously, “It’s ah, it’s 0200.” 

“And the lockdown’s still in place.” Rivet almost sounded proud of himself. 

Cody wasn’t sure if he’d heard them right or he was still slightly delirious. “Wait, do the two of you even have clearance to be here?” 

“I mean,” Hound kept his hands up as he shrugged, “Not really.” 

“We just wanted to make sure you weren’t dead.” Rivet added. 

“You broke into the med bay, in the middle of the night, during a lockdown,” Cody had to give himself a second to take it all in, “…. Because you wanted to _check on me_?” 

Rivet smiled, “Yeah.” 

Cody had to be impressed, these two had gotten very far in life without ever having developed critical thinking skills. 

He didn’t have much time to be impressed though, he needed a plan. He was in control for the time being, he knew that much, but once the cat was out of the bag it was anyone’s game. If the ship really was in lockdown that would make movement harder than usual, too hard for dolts like Hound and Rivet to get into a locked area. 

Unless, of course, they knew something security didn’t. Cody tightened his grip on the blasters, even if they had gotten unbelievably lucky and broken into the med bay through the front doors without detection, they’d be reported missing by a supervisor any second now. If he played his cards right, they’d all leave the room as wanted men. 

“ _Ke'sush_! The two of you are going to listen very closely.” He dropped both blasters to his side and started shaking off all the wires hooked into his skin, “And don’t forget you’re unarmed.” 

Hound let out a breath of relief and clutched his chest, “Gods Cody, I thought you’d really lost it there.” 

“Oh, I have.” Cody laughed, he hadn’t laughed in ages, what a nice feeling. “You know those chips? The ones in our brains?” 

Rivet bobbed his head, “Yeah I think mine makes me funnier.” 

“I’ve never seen you laugh before Codes,” Hound squinted at him, “Those must have been some drugs they gave you.” 

Cody raised the blasters again with a grunt of frustration, “Let’s try that again.” 

Rivet lurched back as the end of the blaster leveled with the tip of his nose, “Okay, okay, yeah Cody, we know about the chips.”

“Yours stop working or something?” Hound’s awkward laugh died in his throat, “Ah…sorry.” 

“You know vod,” Cody felt a smile creep onto his face, “It’s funny you should ask that.” 

Hound’s face went slack, “Wait-” 

“What’s going on?” Rivet craned his neck around the blaster to get a better look at Cody, “I don’t get it.” 

“I think his, ah,” Hound tapped his forehead, “I think his-” 

Rivet’s eyes went wide, “Is he serious? Did it really-?”

“Yes.” Cody could feel the tremor in his hand again, “It’s off.”

Hound gaped at him, “How do you know?” 

If they had time, he would have told his brothers that he’d known as soon as he realized he wasn’t on the Negotiator when he woke up. He’d known when, for the first time since it happened, for the first time in nearly eighteen months, his thoughts didn’t come to him in a haze of obedience. He knew because the horrible things he’d done were horrible again, not just facts of life that he’d been told to accept and did. He knew the chip wasn’t working anymore because he could laugh, he could miss Rex, and he could wonder how a kid as young as Rivet was ever approved for active duty. He couldn’t remember much about himself, but he could remember what it was like to be a person, a whole complicated free-thinking person. And most importantly, most of all, he could hate the Empire with every finely engineered fiber of his being. He knew. 

But they did not have time, so he said, “Sergeant, I’m a very good shot, and I have a blaster pointed at your head. You’re just going to have to trust me on this one.” 

“Okay,” Hound’s voice was getting high again, “I trust you.” 

Rivet was staring at Cody like he’d grown a second head, “Doesn’t that mean we have to kill you?” 

“It does.” Cody couldn’t lie to them about that, they all knew the Empire’s protocols for defective clones. “But you’re not going to, because I have your blasters.” 

“We-we could,” Rivet looked to Hound for help, “We could fight you?” 

It was hard to watch the effects of the chips from the outside, Rivet was serious, Cody knew the feeling all too well. 

“Sorry Cody,” Hound started shakily getting to his feet, “We have to follow the orders.” 

With a flick of his thumb Cody took the blaster off stun and fired a live bolt past Hound’s ear and into the clean white wall. “Sit back down.” 

Hound crumpled to the floor like a ragdoll as Rivet lunged forward with a shout. Cody sidestepped the clumsy attack and a swift kick to the back of his legs was enough to send Rivet tripping hard onto his hands and knees. 

“Don’t try anything vod,” Cody warned, “I don’t wanna hurt you.” 

Rivet kicked his foot out aimlessly in Cody’s direction, “Those are the orders!” 

“I know the orders.” Cody glanced over at Hound to make sure he was listening, “But I also know that I woke up in an operation room, not a morgue, there’s a reason I’m still alive.” 

Hound peeked through his fingers, “If you surrender it would be easier.” 

“Shut up and listen,” he pressed the end of his blaster to Rivet’s head, “It’s pretty clear to me that you’re not the only ones on this ship who know my chip isn’t working anymore. If the Empire wanted me dead, I’d be dead.” 

“Damn,” Hound pressed a palm to his face, “He’s probably what that security droid was guarding.” 

“Where was there a security droid?” Cody spluttered, “Never mind, don’t answer that but yes, I was probably being guarded. Do you get it now?” He was met with an array of vacant stares, “Look, once this lockdown or whatever it is ends, the medical crew is going to come back for me, they want me alive.” 

There was a long silence as Hound and Rivet let the information sink in. Cody didn’t relax his grip on the blasters until he could see Hound’s pupils beginning to shrink back down as the effects of the chip’s override wore off.

“So...” Rivet let the tension out of his shoulders, “We should try to keep you alive too?” 

Cody lifted the blaster away from his skull, “See? Now we’re all on the same page.” It was all a very elaborate bunch of guesswork, but there was no reason for the medical crew to keep a defective clone alive and guarded unless they had a good reason. 

Rivet dropped down to his elbows and let out a sigh of relief, “Thank the stars, I didn’t think we were gonna pull that one off Hound.” 

Hound looked up at the smoking hole on the wall, “Yeah I shouldn’t have given him my blaster huh?” 

“No, you shouldn’t have.” Cody admitted, “Because now your options are; I stun you, and your supervisor - who has reported you missing - finds you passed out in the guarded room of an escaped and dangerous man-” 

“Wait!” 

“Escaped and dangerous man who has your blasters.” Cody corrected.

Hound moaned and buried his face in his hands, “Kark Rivet, we’ve done it now.” 

Cody cleared his throat, “Or, you can come with me and better serve your Empire by finding the source of that security breach.” 

Rivet flopped onto his back to stare up at him in confusion, “What?” 

“You heard me,” Cody gave them his best GAR standard issue smile, “We’re gonna find out why this piece of junk is in lockdown.” 

Hound raised his hand tentatively, “Sorry but, if your chip isn’t working why would you…?” 

“What can I say?” Cody nudged Rivet with his foot, “I’m in the mood to serve the Empire.” He was praying that it was the inhibitor chips that were making his brothers so gullible, this was alarmingly easy. 

Hound was rendered speechless again as the gears in his brain ground to a halt. 

Rivet sat up with a whoop, “There we go vod, let’s go save the Trial!” 

“Good man.” Cody was worried about this kid. He turned to Hound, “What about you, Sergeant? Coming for our impromptu security sweep or should I stun you?” 

Rivet bounced up to his feet, “He’s coming.” 

Cody dropped his aim again and tried to slow his heartbeat. They were subdued, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t turn on him again. “Let’s not waste any time, where’s my armor?” 

“Oh, kriff.” Hound hunched his shoulders in as he stood up, “I don’t like this.” 

“That’s a shame, where’s my armor?” 

Rivet went over to peek between the tarp surrounding Cody’s bed, “We saw some by the body scanner, it’ll probably fit.” 

Cody pushed past him into the cold of the empty med bay, “Works for me.” Stormtrooper armor was as good as tissue paper, but he wasn’t getting by any guards in cotton hospital trousers.

Hound kept watch as Cody changed, doing nervous laps around the room, “Do we have a plan? Are we just gonna head out there and start looking?” 

Cody ignored him and holstered his two new blasters, he did have a plan, sort of. A lockdown of this size had to be serious, pirates, mercenaries, rebels, he didn’t care, a clean ride off the ship was better than an escape pod. He’d take what he could get. 

“I know where we should start!” Rivet threw an arm around Hound’s shoulders, “The A-deck.” 

Hound shook him off with a frown, “That’s where the breach was reported stupid, whatever it was probably moved on ages ago.” 

“I’ll decide where we start,” Cody slung his helmet under his arm, “Now, what’s this about a security droid?” 

Hound gave him a lazy salute, “Nothing to worry about now.” 

“You sure?”

Rivet grinned, “Course he’s sure, Hound can take down any security system on this ship.” 

“Hound?” There was no way. 

“C’mon Cody,” Hound’s laugh was awkward as ever, “I was in the Coruscant Guard back in the war, security was our job. Even ARFs like me.” 

Cody stared at him, why hadn’t he thought of that before? Of course one of Fox’s men would be good at sneaking around. He almost felt guilty for doubting him earlier, like he wasn’t appreciating Fox’s life’s work to make all of his men the slipperiest eels in the galaxy. 

Hound began squirming under his scrutiny, “You still alright?” 

“Yeah it’s just,” Cody shook himself and suppressed a laugh, “I knew there was a reason I wanted you on this mission Sergeant.” 

Rivet gave Hound’s shoulder a proud shake, “And he wanted me cause I’m a perfect shot.” 

Cody wiped his smile away, a security expert was a plus, but he was still dealing with dimwits. “Alright you two stick close, we’re heading to the nearest nav table to get a report on the details of the breach. Keep an eye out for anything suspicious, and for the love of everything holy, be quiet.” 

Rivet’s eyes lit up and he saluted with the wrong hand, “Yes Captain!”

Cody was halfway to the door when he stopped mid step, “Actually vod, don’t call me Captain.” 

Rivet’s head tilted, “But, you are a Captain.” 

“I’m a Marshall Commander.” Cody shoved his helmet on so he could smile in peace, “Big difference.” 

\- 

Hound was incredibly good. Cody’s clearance code was already blocked when they tried to access the various security reports up on the nav table, but he had them pulled up in two minutes with the help of a stray R2 unit. 

From what they could make of it someone had slashed through the locks on a couple offices, probably after information. If it was an inside job that would make Cody’s chances of riding off into the sunset pretty minimal, but there was always hope. 

He tried to wade through all the updates as fast as he could but it was hard to focus on the words in front of him. Memories kept flooding back in without consent and he had to tap his fingers on the table to stay grounded. It would have been better if the images were foggy, if the things he’d done in the name of the Empire felt like distant, out-of-body experiences. But they were all so vivid, so lived in, that murderer he could remember wasn’t a monster, it was him, Cody. 

“Cody?” 

He snapped back into autopilot and whirled around, “What?” 

Hound tapped something into the computer, “There’s a disabled security camera in front of the elevator on the U-deck.” 

“Has it been reported yet?”

“Don’t think so.” Hound leaned in and squinted at the screen, “The cameras nearby aren’t picking anything up, might not be much.” 

Cody closed his eyes as he thought, the U-deck, why would that matter? “What’s across from the elevator?” 

“That’s the drill hall,” Rivet didn’t sound pleased, “Spent weeks in there.” 

“Someone could have gone straight from the elevator into the drill hall, that would explain why the other cameras didn’t catch anything.” Cody spun back around to skim through the reports again, he’d been in the drill hall that morning, that was one of the last things he could remember. He’d been tired and heading back from the mess hall, then there’d been that nervous stormtrooper at the door. “Kriff!” 

Hound jumped, “What now?” 

That stormtrooper outside the drill hall, why hadn’t he noticed? “We don’t have any female troopers on this ship, they’re all officers or pilots.” 

“You looking for a girlfriend?” Rivet nodded approvingly, “Nice.” 

“No, shut up.” Cody pushed up next to Hound so he could scroll through some of the older security footage, “There was a stormtrooper in front of the drill hall this morning, I could’ve sworn it was a girl.” 

Hound eyed him, “Sure it wasn’t just someone with a high voice?” 

“I don’t know, but she-they were strange, seemed odd. I guess I was too tired to notice at first.” His hand was shaking again as he opened the existing security tapes. It wasn’t much of a lead and his memory wasn’t entirely trustworthy, but something was off, he knew it. 

They sped through the tape as men whizzed in and out of the room, the trooper standing guard was a clone, the height and shoulder span was instantly recognizable. Cody’s knee started bouncing with anticipation, what was so special about the drill hall? There wasn’t much in there, it was just a wide-open training room lined with inactive walkers and blasters that didn’t fire. 

“Look, there.” He stopped the tape as another trooper started talking to the guard, they were much shorter and their armor hung unnaturally off their shoulders. They talked to the guard for a few minutes until he shrugged and headed off, leaving his post to the new arrival. “That’s them, do we have audio?” 

Hound shook his head, frowning at the screen. “We don’t have audio but, I’ve worked guard duty and that wasn’t a full shift, no reason for a replacement that early.”

“Can we just go to the drill hall?” Rivet had his feet kicked up on the nav table and his head rolled back with boredom. “The camera’s out and Cody saw a girl, good enough for me.” 

“Actually,” Cody clicked the computer off, “Me too.” 

Hound groaned, “That was nothing, just some shiny with a funny voice.” 

Cody knocked on Rivet’s helmet as he made his way to the door. “Let’s move. Hound, don’t get left behind.” He could ditch his brothers once he figured out his best way off the ship, but until then it was far less suspicious to travel in a group of three. 

Hound shoved his helmet on, “You think the doctors can turn your chip back on after this? I don’t like the new you.” 

“Not my problem.” The hall was clear, they could make a run for the elevator, “On my mark.”

Hound grumbled something crude but jogged after them without dragging his feet.

The hallway was deathly silent and the only other signs of movement were the red lights flashing at the ends of each corridor. The blasters on Cody’s holster made a rhythmic clack against his thigh guards as he ran, praying that his jumbled memory of the ship’s layout wasn’t failing him. 

_“I’m back from the station Cody, I just had to tell Yashotta about the flowers.”_

His hands flew to his blasters and he stumbled to a stop. 

_“I cut one of them to show her because I knew she wouldn’t believe me.”_

Cody’s entire body was cold, “Who’s there?” 

Hound stopped abruptly and was pushed forward as Rivet ran into him. 

“ _Do you know what she said to me? She honestly thought I had bought them from someone else and was trying to make a fool of her.”_

His heart was beating too fast, his helmet was too small, it was going to crush him. 

“ _Well, I had to invite her to dinner again, can’t have her thinking I’m the type of man to make fun of old women.”_

Rivet peeked at him over Hound’s shoulder, “Uh, Cody?” 

“Can’t you hear that?” Cody knew he was speaking too loudly but he couldn’t help it, there was too much happening. 

“ _What should I cook for her this time? Not yams, we all saw how that went.”_

“Who is that?” Cody ripped his helmet off, distantly aware of his brothers staring at him.

Hound reached out gently for his shoulder, “Vod, are you alright?” 

“ _We’re going to eat out in the yard. I can tell you that much. We’re going to spend the entire night looking at these flowers, or I am anyway.”_

Cody jerked away from Hound’s hand; he could ask all he wanted but he knew who it was. 

Rivet flinched at his sudden movement and pulled Hound back, “Maybe his chip is kicking back on, that’d be handy right?” 

“ _You know, what if I just buy something from that fry stand in Mos Eisley? Then all I have to wash are the plates.”_

His helmet rattled to the floor and he threw his hands over his ears. It was him, Obi-wan, the man he’d murdered. “Please.” His voice broke as he backed into the wall, “What do you want?” 

“ _Oh, but what if she thinks that’s rude? That I just went out and bought food, didn’t even bother to cook her something.”_

Cody ripped at his hair in frustration, covering his ears hadn’t made it any quieter, it was coming from inside his head. “What are you talking about?” He shouted, “What do you want?” 

Hound ran forward and clapped a hand over his mouth, “Shut up! What’s wrong with you? Do you want every officer on the ship after us?” 

Cody tried to push him off but he’d grown weak, the hallway was starting to spin. He could remember now, this had happened before, that morning before he’d gone under. 

“ _It’s alright, I know what you’d say Cody.”_

His eyes welled with tears; it was so nice to hear Obi-wan say his name again. 

_“And you’re right, she won’t mind if I get takeout, I’m just overthinking it.”_ He sighed, _“Damn, I had better leave now before they close. So much to do, darling.”_

Hound and Rivet and the bright awful hallway started to drift away. This was probably it, he realized, the chip had fried something in his brain and he was dying. It had to be a symptom of whatever seizure or aneurism had turned it off. It was a hallucination, a final, artificial moment to bask in the memory of the man he hadn’t loved enough to save. Obi-wan’s voice wasn’t real, he wasn’t even saying anything that made sense. 

“It’s alright.” Rivet squeezed his arm, “Hey, it’s okay.” 

It was quiet; Cody opened his eyes and he was still in the hallway of the Trial. 

“You’re okay.” Rivet’s voice was the softest it had ever been. “Let go of him Hound, he’s not gonna scream.” 

“If he does, I’m going to kick you.” 

Rivet pried the hand off Cody’s mouth, “Look at him, he just needs to breath.” 

\- 

_The shuttle was empty except for the two of them. Obi-wan was leaned up against a wall trying to read through the report from General Skywalker, and Cody was watching him._

_There was dirt all over his robes, even some caked into the hair at the back of his head, he must have fallen down at some point. Cody wondered if maybe he’d bruised his head, he’d have to check later, get him some cream from the med bay._

_His lightsaber swung back and forth at his belt while the shuttle bucked through the atmosphere. He would lift his knee every once in a while, to stop it from bouncing._

_He didn’t have his reading glasses so he would widen his eyes and then squint them while scrolling through the report, it made Cody laugh a little under his helmet. In the future he could stow a pair of glasses in one of his belt compartments and surprise Obi-wan on the way back from a mission._

_His bangs came loose and as he pushed them back his elbow bumped the screen of his holo-pad, closing the report. When he realized his mistake he cursed to himself and shook his head as he tried to pull it back up, the motion set his bangs loose again. Cody made a mental note to remind him to go see the barber._

_Obi-wan glanced up at him and smiled, then he went back to his reading._

\- 

Cody didn’t say anything for almost five minutes, he just slumped against the wall and hung his head between his knees. His brothers were quiet too, Rivet sat down next to him and played with the buckle on his shoe while Hound paced up and down the hall. He was silently thankful for their sudden protectiveness, even if they were only doing it because they thought the orders were to keep him alive. 

“You heard a voice?” Rivet asked, innocent, curious. 

Cody nodded, “I’ve heard it before.” 

“Do you know who it was?” 

He kept staring at the floor. The chip malfunction, Obi-wan’s voice in his head, hells, even the orange stuff in his bedsheets that morning, none of it seemed to connect. Either the galaxy was going mad or he was. 

“Don’t worry,” Rivet patted him, “Once we get you back to the med bay-” 

“I knew who it was.” He shouldn’t have told them his chip had turned off, but now that he had why not tell them everything? “It was one of the Jedi I killed.” 

The sound of Hound’s pacing stopped suddenly. 

“The first one I killed, actually.”

Rivet struggled to meet Cody’s eyes. “They-They deserved it though, you don’t need to feel bad, the Jedi were a threat to the galaxy.” 

Cody turned away from him, the effect of the chip was too awful to watch. “They weren’t hurting anyone, they were peacekeepers.” He knew it was pointless, Rivet’s mind would never accept such information. 

“But, they-” Rivet let out a nervous laugh, “They were magicians, they were dangerous.” 

“Some of them were children.” Cody’s voice was ragged, maybe from screaming, or maybe that was just how it sounded now. He didn’t know himself well enough anymore. 

Rivet didn’t reply, his armor was a smaller fit that the other clones, he wasn’t even done growing. 

“Are you better now?” Hound asked from down the hall, “We should keep moving.” 

Cody dug his fingernails into his thighs, he was losing his mind and trying to escape the most technologically advanced ship in the galaxy. If the hallucinations and panic didn’t kill him a blaster bolt certainly would. He pushed himself up with a grunt, at least he’d gotten a few hours of freedom before it ended. “I’m alright for now, I’ll just have to ignore it.” 

Rivet stared up at him, “Are you sure?” 

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine.” He put his hand out and winced as Rivet took it to pull himself up, kid had an iron grip.

\- 

They ended up in the elevator unnoticed, why none of the guards had heard Cody’s screaming he didn’t know, but he wasn’t going to test his luck. If it happened again, he’d ignore it like he’d told his brothers, one crisis at a time. 

He checked in on himself as they waited, his armor was intact, though fairly useless against any incoming fire. There were no serious injuries other than whatever was happening to his brain. He still had both the blasters which was odd, Hound and Rivet could have easily taken them off him while he was having his episode, they hadn’t even tried. As they neared the U-deck he took one of them out just to have something in his hand, not bothering to hide that he was taking it off stun. He’d wasted too much time and they were guaranteed to run into guards soon, if anyone had noticed his empty room in the med bay he’d be in deep. 

“Oh, kriff.” The drop in Hound’s tone was drastic, “Do you hear that?”

Cody went still, the rumble of the elevator was the only sound he could make out. 

Rivet pointed a finger to the ceiling, “Above us.” 

There were a few horrible seconds of nothing, just the sound of breathing in his helmet, and then as the room began to slow to their floor Cody heard it. There was blaster fire, lots of it, but that wasn’t what worried him there was something else. A sound that put every battle-hardened nerve in his body on edge. The elevator stopped and so did the firing, someone screamed. 

The doors slid open to darkness and Cody could smell it, cooked flesh.

He threw a hand up to stop Rivet from stepping forward, “Don’t move.” 

“Why?” Rivet huffed at the silence he was met with, “Why are the lights off?” 

Cody’s eyes were adjusting to the darkness and he could make out the white form of a dead stormtrooper sprawled across the floor. “The two of you should leave.” 

Rivet’s protest was cut off by Hound who must have seen it too, “We need to call backup, this is bad.” 

Cody held his breath as he slipped out of the elevator. Not every light in the hallway was out, some of them still flickered and sparked, illuminating the carnage. He swallowed hard, there was no question about what had happened to the dozen or so dead bodies strewn out around him. Their limbs had been severed cleanly, the holes in their chest smoked, no blood ran from their cauterized wounds. He heard Rivet’s footsteps behind him and he frowned, “That’s an order, the two of you need to leave, now.” 

“What happened?” The fear in Rivet’s voice was different from when Cody was threatening him, there was no panic, it felt more like dread. 

“Someone had a lightsaber,” Hound whispered, “The bodies always burn like that.”

“A lightsaber?” Rivet crept up to Cody’s side, staring down the hallway of broken bodies, “Did a Jedi do this?” 

Cody was too lost to answer him, he’d been expecting some half-wit pirates or clumsy rebels to be causing all the trouble, not whatever this was. He swallowed down the lump in his throat and let the dead troopers fall out of focus. If he was going to die, a lightsaber would be very fitting. The charred marks on the wall from stray blaster bolts tracked a clear path, he followed them at a marching pace.

“Cody!” Rivet hissed, “Commander! Where are you going?” 

Hound's voice was different, hollow, “He’s following orders, we should too. If there’s a Jedi on board they need to be dealt with.” 

Cody took out his second blaster, while his chip was active he hadn’t been able to appreciate their friendship in the way they deserved, the least he could do now was keep them from being sliced open. He turned around and took aim, stunning them both before they could react. They sank to the floor and he winced as the sound of his firing echoed through the floor, effectively broadcasting his location to anyone in the nearby area. He sighed and broke into a jog; stealth was never really his strong suit anyway. 

The trail of blaster bolts and dead troopers led him in a winding path which seemed to indicate that despite being very capable, the saber-wielder was on the run. The halls were still strangely vacant which made things easier, but Cody wouldn’t be alone for much longer. There’d been enough noise outside the drill hall that it’d be swarmed with troopers any minute now. 

His breath was getting short as he ran and he ripped his helmet off, letting it fall to the floor behind him. The Commander’s helmet he’d worn during the war was much better and his chest warmed at the memory of painting it for the first time, Rex had been there, he’d been so young. The trail petered off but he kept running; he didn’t care where he was going anymore.

It felt good to get his blood pumping again, he could almost remember what it was like to be himself, the real one, CC-2224. He’d been a leader, a brother, he’d made a name for himself in a very large galaxy, that was no easy task. The ending was sad, no denying it, there was blood on his hands that he’d never wash off but that wasn’t the full story. There was a time not too long ago when he’d fought to save lives, he’d traveled the galaxy with his brothers and the Jedi at his side, he’d once been so in love that he saw stars even when his eyes were closed. He picked up his pace to a sprint, he wasn’t running from death he was running towards it, he’d earned it.

“Who are you?”

The air around him hardened and caught him mid-stride. His feet weren’t even touching the ground he was just locked in place, not a single muscle was his anymore. 

“I only ask out of curiosity, and I don’t want a name.” It was a woman’s voice, the accent vaguely Coruscanti. “It’s just, in all the thousands of clones I’ve met, not one of them has had such a strong presence in the force.” 

Cody was starting to suffocate; his lungs were hers to command. 

“So, when I let you go, you have ten seconds to entertain me.” Her voice grew closer and she laughed softly, “And it better be good.” 

He fell to the floor and heaved in a desperate breath, there were still spots at the corners of his vision as he rolled onto his back to face her. She was much closer than he’d thought, looming over him with her hands folded neatly behind her back. 

“Well?” She tilted her head, “Anything to say for yourself?” 

His hands skid on the slick floor as he tried to prop himself up, he knew she was an Inquisitor from her dark uniform and elegant cape, but he didn’t know which one. She was very short, almost childlike in stature and her rounded saber hilt was noticeably smaller than the other inquisitors he’d worked under. Her face was hidden under a sleek black helmet with a strange crossing pattern over the mouth. The only human feature was her red-tinted visor that was split down the middle like a stormtrooper. 

She stepped towards him, clicking her tongue with annoyance, “Not going to talk? How disappointing.” 

“My name is-” He coughed; he was still winded from the run. 

She took one gloved hand out from behind her and reached for the saber, “What did I say? I don’t care what your name is.” 

“Wait!” He flinched as she flicked her wrist and sent his blasters flying across the floor, “Before you kill me.” 

The red light of her blade sizzled to life between them, “Last words of a stormtrooper?” She scoffed, “What? Are you going to tell me how proud you are to have served this _great_ Empire?” 

“No.” He grit his teeth, he would not die in fear, “I’m going to tell you that it will fail.” 

The smooth movement of her shoulders was interrupted, only for a heartbeat.

“That chip they put in us?” He held his ground, “Can’t do that to everyone. Genocide doesn’t go unpunished, you hear?” 

She tilted her chin up, listening. 

Cody could feel the heat coming off her saber but it didn’t faze him, “Maybe it’s just people like you and I who do the dirty work, but it’s no secret to the galaxy that we’re not acting without orders.” She hadn’t cut his head off yet so he ploughed on, “Do you know how much good I could have done if I’d been asked to?” 

She swung the saber down and skimmed his chest guard till it smoked, “These are very strong words from a Jedi killer.” 

He spit at her, “At least you had a choice.” 

“I did?” 

“You didn’t have this,” he tapped his temple, “Which, by the way, isn’t as fool proof as you thought.” 

She lifted the blade away from his chest and cocked her head, “Your Inhibitor chip-” 

“It’s off,” he wished he could see her face, “Can’t order me around anymore, I’m done.” 

“But, how-” 

“Don’t know.” The gentle lilt of Obi-wan’s voice was still fresh in his mind, maybe he’d see him again after he died, that would be lovely. “So kill me,” he laughed, “And you should care what my name is, because it’s CC-2224, Marshal Commander Cody of the 7th Sky Corps, and I’m a threat to the Empire.” He closed his eyes as the blade whirred towards him, he had nothing else to say.

-

_“You’re standing very close, Commander.” Obi-wan smiled up at him through his eyelashes while the moonlight wound through his hair._

_Cody could feel sweat beading on his palms, anytime they were left alone things got complicated, he always acted like an idiot. “Sorry, Sir.” He didn’t move though, he didn’t want to._

_Obi-wan bumped their hands, “I never said it was a problem.”_

_“Oh.” He swallowed thickly, what the hell did that mean?_

_“Do you mind if I-?” Obi-wan lifted his arms suddenly, letting his hands hover at the sides of Cody’s helmet._

_The heat in his face was blistering, “Oh.” He said again, and then, “I don’t mind.”_

_“Thank you,” Obi-wan furrowed his brow as he lifted the helmet off, his movements were careful and slow as though the task were a matter of life and death._

_The evening air hit him at last and he held his breath, they were very close, it was terrifying._

_Obi-wan let the helmet fall to his side and he sighed with satisfaction, “Ah, there you are.”_

-

“Commander Cody.” Her voice was barely audible over the crackle of the saber next to his ear, “I believe we have a mutual friend.” 

He wasn’t sure if he was dead yet, he could hear her sheathe the blade and clip it back onto her belt. Maybe she’d already sliced through his neck and these were his final thoughts before his head rolled off. 

“Stand up, I’m not going to kill you.” There was the hiss of an air lock and then her voice rang clearer as her helmet came off, “He’d be very upset if I did.” 

His heart was still racing from the anticipation and he could only breath in short uneven gasps. 

Her voice traveled as she paced around him with silent footsteps, “I don’t expect you to have any idea what’s going on here, and I don’t have time to explain it all, so make your questions count.” 

Cody’s eyes flew open, her voice, he’d heard it before. 

She settled in behind him, “You see I’ve made quite a mess of this little stealth mission, I’m sure you saw all the evidence you needed by the elevators.” 

His mind was slowly catching up to the words being said and confusion cut through the fog, “They were shooting at you?”

“They were, it’s a shame, I fear my relationship with the Empire may not be as cordial after today.” 

Whatever question he was going to ask died in his throat as he turned around to face her. She looked older than the last time they’d met, but that was to be expected, it’d been almost three years now. 

She smiled and her once blue eyes twinkled at him, “I have a ship waiting for me in the training room, there was a cloaking device but with all the noise I made, who knows who might have come across it?”

“You’re-” he felt the force wrap around his chest and haul him to his feet.

“An Inquisitor? Sometimes.” 

“No, you’re-you’re the padawan who-when Commander Tano was framed, that was you.” 

Her smile turned sour, “Ah, you do remember me.”

Cody took a step back, it was definitely her, the black tattoos across her nose were not an easy feature to forget. “Commander Offee.” 

“I’m as much a Commander as you are,” she sneered at him, “We’re in the Empire now, try to keep up.” 

Long forgotten anger flared in his chest, it’d been her crimes that got Commander Tano blacklisted by the order, it was no surprise a traitor like her had ended up an Inquisitor. “Why were your own men firing at you?” 

She brushed past him and stalked off down the hall, “We’re wasting time, follow if you want to, I think he’d be very happy to see you again.” 

He watched her sink her helmet back on in stunned silence, Barriss Offee, in the flesh. “Wait!” He dropped down to collect his blasters and hustled after her as she turned a corner, “Who are you talking about?” 

“Your brother.” She answered calmly, “You’re smart to come with me but I must warn you, this isn’t going to be easy.”

He caught up with her after a few strides and fell into pace, “My brother?” He huffed, “Could you be more specific?” 

“Not now.” She took her saber out and ignited the upper blade, “Reinforcements have arrived, we’ll have to go through them if we want to make it to the ship.” 

“You never answered me,” he could hear the distant rumble of boots on the floor, “Why are your men after you?” 

She let out a tired sigh, “What can I say? An Inquisitor in league with the rebellion does make for an irresistible target.” The first wave of troopers rounded the corner ahead of them and she threw her hand out, sending them flying into the wall. She advanced on them while her saber twirled gracefully in her hand to deflect the stray blaster bolts back at the doomed men who’d fired them.

Cody flinched but there was no point, none of the bolts were getting through to him. 

She cut cleanly through the bodies at her feet and threw her saber down the hall to her left, only calling it back to her hand when it had taken out nearly ten armed troopers. A gunner on the right clawed at his throat as she lifted him into the air with the force, snapping his neck with a jerk of her wrist. She splayed her fingers and his body was flung unceremoniously into the men behind him.

Cody could hear her growl as she ignited the second blade and threw himself up against the wall, the last thing he needed was to get in her way. 

She crouched down as her blades began to spin, creating a circular wall of red and white light between herself and the remaining troopers. The movement kicked up the air around her and her cape billowed out revealing a gory wound on her side, the jaggedness seemed characteristic of the electrostaff of a purge trooper. When her blades had reached their top speed she charged forward into the oncoming fire without a moment of hesitation. 

Cody couldn’t see around the corner but the screams of his brothers and troopers he didn’t know the names of told him enough. 

The steady beat of her spinning blades came to a stop and her footsteps echoed back towards him, “We’re close, my crew is waiting.” 

He realized he hadn’t even taken his blaster out, “You’re ‘in league’ with the rebellion?” 

“Don’t make me repeat myself, which way is the training room?” 

“It’s ah,” he edged around the corner and shuddered at the pile of bodies and limbs awaiting him. 

She holstered her saber and began dusting her shoulders off, not making any indication that the injury to her side was causing her pain. “By the elevator? I don’t know this ship very well.” 

He was done being in shock, everything was out of control and there was nothing he could do about it. If an Inquisitor was his ride out that hellhole so be it. “It is, I’ll take you.” 

She followed him quietly as they wound back towards the drill hall. No one had spotted them but the floor wasn’t empty anymore, the crackle of radios and security droids grew louder by the second. 

“So,” he kept his eyes facing forward, “You hid a ship in the drill hall?” 

“Perfect place for it, nice high ceiling, always empty during a lockdown.” 

“Smart.” He took a deep breath, “Got an extra seat?” 

As they came around the corner to the elevator Barriss rushed forward, there was a small group of stormtroopers waiting for them by the doors. Cody’s hands went to his blasters in preparation for the fight but no one attacked. He watched quietly as one of the troopers jogged forward to greet them. 

“Offee!” The trooper threw her arms around Barriss and kicked her feet up with joy, “You made it!” 

“I did, but my cover was blown, they know everything.” Barriss let the embrace linger and then pulled out gently to inspect the drill hall’s locked entrance. “How’s the ship? We need to leave as soon as possible.” 

“Who’s that?” One of the other troopers pulled his helmet off to reveal a crown of horns and distinctly Zabrak tattoos, “I don’t remember bringing a clone.” 

Cody thought about saluting and then changed his mind, a Zabrak and a woman in stormtrooper armour? He’d never met one in person but these were rebels, no doubt. 

“His inhibitor chip is disabled,” Barriss muttered, “That’s Commander Cody, Fulcrum will know him.” 

The Zabrak shrugged and shoved his helmet back on, “More the merrier I guess.” 

The girl that hugged Barriss reached out for his arm and pulled him forward to give his chest guard and friendly slap, “Commander Cody huh? Ready to join the rebellion?” 

He recognized her voice; she was the girl from that morning, that was one mystery solved. He opened his mouth to respond but stuttered as his eyes trailed down to Hound and Rivet. They were still stunned and exactly where he’d left them. His stomach turned, they were the reason he’d woken up in the med bay to begin with, if he disappeared now, they’d be the only ones left for the Empire to punish. “Is the rebellion in need of a security expert? Maybe a sharpshooter?” 

Barriss got the door unlocked and turned to beckon the crowd in, “You don’t need to make things up, we’re letting you on board anyway.” 

He bent down and pulled Rivet up into his arms, careful not to let his roll back too far, “I wasn’t talking about myself although, I’m honored, I guess.” He nudged Hound’s body with his foot, “It’s these two, they can help you.” 

“We are not an orphanage Commander.” 

Cody adjusted his grip on Rivet’s limp body, he was quick with his answer, “I have over a year’s worth of classified information regarding the Empire’s war crimes on Mandalore memorized, and so much more.” He glanced between the small group of rebels, he had their full attention, “All of that is yours, but they’re coming with me.”

Barriss stared him down, none of her companions made any move to intervene. The red lenses of her helmet seemed to glow in the dim hallway and when she finally spoke her voice was cold and slow, “You are very brave to be giving us orders old man.”

“I am.”

She tilted her gaze down to Rivet in his arms and then to Hound still collapsed on the floor. Her silence was interrupted by the metallic footsteps of a KX security droid and she cursed in Mirialan before turning away, “I have had enough conflict for the evening, let him bring his pets.” Her cape flared out after her as she skipped down the steps to the training floor. 

Cody relaxed as the Zabrak hauled Hound over his shoulder with a grunt and ambled off with the rest of the crew. He gave Rivet’s arm a squeeze and started after them, “At least Hound’s actually a security expert,” he whispered, “I told them you’re a sharpshooter, what the fuck was I thinking?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was maybe the most dialogue heavy chapter I have ever written of anything and it almost killed me. Sorry if I'm being a little overbearing with my inclusion of OC's, if Barriss wasn't a clue, there's gonna be a lot more canon squad coming. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and to everyone who left comments on my last chapter I read over them all the time when I get stuck on later chapters cause you're all the reason I keep doing this!! Love ya stay safe!! 
> 
> also sergeant Hound rights!! I know that bitch only has like 1 min of screen time but ...
> 
> \--  
> Mando'a translations: 
> 
> Vor entye - Thank you (lit. I accept a debt)  
> Ke'sush! - Attention!


	3. Hickory and Sassafras

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to stay calm but @cillyscribbles did a beautiful illustration for this fic of Obi and Yashotta that you can all join me in crying over. You might miss it if you're using an e-reader but it's right at the beginning so please check it out if you can! 
> 
> It's the only thing I think about anymore! Look at Yashotta’s headband my heart is breaking!! 
> 
> You can also show some love to the rest of @cillyscribbles's work on tumblr, everything she posts adds another year to my life. 
> 
> Thanks again to @thanksveryga and @kitcatkim for beta reading and putting up with me!

**_Hickory_ ** **and _Sassafras_ trees share the distinction of having a taproot system. Plants and trees with taproots have one singular long and deep root that all other secondary roots branch off of, as opposed to a complex system or web. Taprooted trees like _Hickory_ and _Sassafras_ are extremely difficult to transplant or extract from the soil, once rooted, they are best left to grow in peace. **

-

Trees often stay standing long after their death. Hollowed out colorless landmarks in a sea of connection, only rot in their veins. They are still a part of their ecosystem, no question, still contributing, though not intentionally. There are no rings added for the years they spend like this, no evidence of survival as there once was. He imagined that was what Anakin must be like now, something dark and dead, casting a shadow without feeling the sun.

-

“It’s just more than I know what to do with, I don’t know if I’m overreacting.” He was having his morning caff out with the flowers like he did most days.

“I mean,” he raised his eyebrows at the invisible Cody sitting next to him, “Do you see that? I think that’s three more blossoms in the past twenty-four hours, amazing.”

Cody would have woken up earlier than him and already seen all this. He’d always been a morning person; the downside was he’d get sleepy too early.

“I’ve honestly considered the idea that someone has taken pity on me and been replacing them overnight.” He wasn’t even joking, there was still no believable explanation for what had made the marigolds explode into bloom so rapidly.

 _“Or maybe, you could let yourself enjoy it and accept that you may be the best gardener in history.”_ Cody might have said.

“Maybe I am!” He laughed into his mug, “And you’re right I should stop questioning it, just let a miracle be a miracle.”

He’d started the day late; the suns were already high above him and casting dancing mirages over the miles of sand. He yawned, Yashotta had come over again to see the impossible flowers and they’d gotten fantastically drunk; he’d nearly died trying to match her.

-

_“I look-” Cody could barely speak through his laughter, “I look-oh gods, this shirt.”_

_Obi-wan kept his hands on his hips, out of all the nights Cody could have chosen to be immature it had to be this one._

_Cody gave the mirror another glance and then buckled over in fits._

_“What’s so funny?” He thought Cody looked handsome in the shirt; the theatrics were completely unnecessary._

_“Obi,” Cody wiped his eyes and tried to gather himself, “Don’t get mad.”_

_Obi-wan scoffed, ‘Don’t get mad.’ Who did he think he was?_

_Cody threw his hands up at the sound, “No, see? Now you’re mad.”_

_“I’m not mad, I'm confused.”_

_“About what?”_

_He had to breathe through his nose, he was mad. “I picked out that very nice shirt for you because we have reservations-”_

_“And I do like it.”_

_“At a very nice restaurant that I believe you wanted to try-”_

_“Obi-wan.”_

_“And it wasn’t it also you who wanted to wear something other than that drab Republic uniform-?”_

_“Okay,” Cody reached out for him._

_“Which does nothing for your complexion,” he was too late pulling his arm back and Cody had him, “And then you put-no-let me go, I’m not going to kiss you.”_

_Cody was still biting back a smile but his eyes were earnest, “I’m sorry.”_

_He rolled his eyes and completely ignored the way Cody dropped a soft kiss to the inside of his wrist. “I’m sure you are.”_

_“It’s a nice shirt,” Cody started trailing kisses up his arm as he spoke, “I think it’s very sweet that you picked it out for me,” his mouth was distracting, “I’m never wearing anything else to dinner ever again.”_

_Obi-wan could feel his face heating now, what if Cody actually hated the shirt? In all likelihood they weren’t going to have another night off together for at least a couple months, was it really fair to expect him to spend it dressed in something he didn’t like? He shuddered; Cody had made it all the way to his neck._

_“I’m not allowed to kiss you?”_

_“No.” He deliberately kept his eyes on the ceiling, “What was so funny about it?”_

_Cody’s shoulders dropped in defeat, “Nothing, or-it’s-”_

_“It’s?”_

_“It’s very orange,” Cody’s laugh was all in his chest, “It’s just very orange.”_

_Of course it was, that’s why he’d chosen it._

_“Which is not a bad thing!” Cody added, as though that were a bad thing._

_Obi-wan could feel his anger starting to cool, the hands slipping themselves around his waist were nice, just not the man they belonged to._

_“Are we good now?” Cody had to tilt his head so their eyes could meet._

_Cody’s cheeks were still wet from tears of laughter and Obi-wan felt stupid all of a sudden, where was his sense of humor? Gone over an orange shirt? “Yes,” he muttered, all the wind out of his sails, “I should go get dressed as well.”_

_Cody tugged at his robes, “I thought you were wearing this?”_

_“No, I was planning on sticking my arms in a pair of traffic cones,” by some miracle he said it all with a straight face, “So we could match.”_

_He had to hold Cody up, he was laughing too hard._

-

Falling asleep under the blaze of twin suns was not recommended, but he hadn’t been hungover in a long time and a nap felt justified. He dreamt of Quinlan Vos and when he woke his face was sunburned. The plants needed watering, snake traps should be checked on, clothes laundered, the usual. He was not on Coruscant, he was here.

-

 _Cody was so heavy against him, all muscle and scar tissue, wet mouth and rough hands._

_“I want-” he cut himself off with a moan as Cody’s fingers tightened around him._

_“Tell me.”_

_There was no guilt, the code could not hold him from this._

-

It was such hard work to pull his speeder up the western side of the canyon; he didn’t even know why he bothered to go that way. A shortcut was nice but not if it left him drenched in sweat and gasping for breath every time. When he got to the top he kicked a couple rocks off the edge out of anger, it didn’t really make him feel better.

-

 _His Commander was speaking to him and he was not listening. He was thinking about the way Commander Cody’s shoulders looked when absorbing the recoil of his blaster. There was something hypnotic in the ripple of his deltoids, the image played back to him on loop._

_They’d been ambushed at their camp and only the men on night watch were in full amour. The Commander had run out into the chaos wearing only a pair of slacks and hastily tied boots. Did that mean he slept without a shirt on?_

_Obi-wan nodded to whatever the Commander was saying and wondered hopelessly if he’d always been the type of person to theorize about what other men wore to bed._

_“General?”_

_There was a layer of sweat over the Commander's still bare torso that made him shine a little, like a glazed dessert, something sweet, edible._

_“General Kenobi?”_

_Obi-wan blinked._

_“Are you alright, Sir?”_

_“Sorry! Yes!” He tried to laugh it off and became very interested with the hem of his sleeve, “I think that, ah, I think that does it.” Embarrassment was a punishment worse than death._

_“As in…” The Commander hesitated, even his confusion was endearing, “You don’t need anything else from me?”_

_“Not that I can think of.” Obi-wan was forced to look at him again, was it rude to stare at people? He couldn’t really remember._

_“Right I’ll just um, I’ll go check in with the men.” The Commander saluted sharply, and then backed up a step before turning to walk off._

_Obi-wan watched him till he disappeared, his back was just as nice as the front._

-

The fuel station in town had raised their prices. He didn’t argue and paid what they asked. The money he was left with wasn’t enough for food, he’d have to eat what he had in the house or whatever the garden could supply.

He passed the Skywalker property on his way back and stopped where he usually did. There was a light on outside their door but they were probably eating dinner, no need to bother them. Luke was old enough to talk now, he thought with a smile, what had his first words been? Did he call Beru his mother?

The nights were getting colder and he had to sleep with an extra blanket. He worried about the flowers; frost wasn’t really something he’d considered.

-

_“Do you mind if I-?” He lifted his hands to the sides of Cody’s helmet and waited for permission._

_“Oh.” Cody said for the second time, “I don’t mind.”_

_His heart beat clean through his chest. “Thank you.” Pressing his fingertips to the sides of Cody’s helmet was surprisingly intimate, had he ever let someone undress him before?_

_Cody’s eyes were wide and nervous when the moonlight finally reached his bare face._

_Obi-wan smiled; he was finally getting something right. “Ah, there you are.”_

_“General,” Cody’s accent made vowels something to look forward to, “I’ve-I’ve been, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”_

_“So have I.” He’d abandoned subtly weeks ago._

_“Oh.” Cody said, and that made it three. “I mean,” he flashed his teeth without truly smiling, “Good we’re ah, good we’re talking then.”_

_“It is.” He was being mean, but this was too fun._

_Cody nodded and crossed his arms, then he uncrossed them and put them back at his sides, “Well…” he kept trying to meet Obi-wan’s eyes, “Alright then.”_

_He’d have to get this moving; it could go on forever. “Commander?”_

_“Yes?” Cody snapped to attention; he was much taller when his back was straight._

_“Are you aware that we’re breaking protocol by taking a shift together?”_

_Cody’s head shook minutely, “No.”_

_“I’m not an expert,” he dropped his voice like it was a secret, “But a General and a Commander are not supposed to be going off alone like this, it’s not very safe.”_

_“Sorry I actually,” Cody ran a hand over his face, “I did know that. We can go back if you’d like.”_

_“No, I wouldn’t like that.” He answered calmly, “Would you?”_

_Something in Cody’s nice brown eyes finally broke, he was a few months late, but he was catching on. “Not really, Sir.”_

_“Just checking.” He was loving the tension; it was so thick he could feel in between his teeth. “Good to know that we’re both comfortable breaking regulations now and again.”_

_Cody was quiet, his eyes skipped across Obi-wan’s face and he didn’t try to hide it._

_“Do you mind if I-”_

_“I don’t mind.” Cody cut him off loudly and the look on his face seemed to indicate that he’d shocked even himself._

_Obi-wan leaned back, this was very thin ice they were sharing, “You don’t want to hear the question first?”_

_“Whatever it is,” the nervousness came rushing out of him out of him in a breathy laugh, “I don’t mind.” He reached out for Obi-wan’s waist and pulled him in, his grin was wide with relief and completely infectious,_ “I don’t mind, I don’t mind.”

All he had to do was tilt his head the right way and Cody was kissing him, it was light and remarkably innocent, a perfect start. His hands found Cody’s face and he kissed him back, he couldn’t keep it harmless, he had to open his mouth to it. Cody made a soft sound against his lips and the grip on his waist tightened, he tasted like mint he felt like-The knife slipped and he dropped the carrot to avoid cutting himself, “Damn.” 

Yashotta turned around, startled by his cursing, “Careful!” She wagged a finger at him, “You’ve been distracted Ben, don’t come cryin when ya chop yer finger off.”

He stared at the dusty carrot and tried to come back to Yashotta’s kitchen, it was a long way from that night in the woods. “Sorry,” he shook himself, “I have been a bit absent-minded lately, don’t know what it is.” 

She hummed and went back to washing the potatoes, “Worried about the cold season?”

His skull still felt full of cotton, “Among other things.”

“Bring the flowers in at night,” she’d already told him this, “I usually let mine die ya know, start over once the nights ain’t so harsh.”

“I will.” He was still looking at the carrot, he’d need to wash it again now.

The sound of running water stopped and Yashotta’s footsteps shuffled over, she didn’t say anything until she was comfortably sat in the chair across from him. “Out with it then,” she leaned down and snatched the carrot off the floor so he’d have nothing to look at, “If it ain’t the flowers, what is it?”

He felt distantly guilty that the only thing she knew about him was his tendency to obsess over his garden. She was essentially his best friend-by virtue of being his only friend-and he hadn’t even told her the entirety of his fake backstory, keeping her in dark didn’t feel much like a favor anymore.

She leaned forward to catch his eye, “Don’t have to tell me the truth ya know, just think yer in the mood to talk, doesn’t have to be about anything real.”

He had to break her gaze and force a smile down at the knife in his hands, “I think that’s my problem, actually.” He could trust her, he knew this.

She leaned back into her chair and didn’t answer, the floor was his.

“The amount of time I’ve spent talking in the past couple weeks, I think it’s more than I’ve said in entire years.” He still couldn’t decide if it was sad or not, “And it’s strange because, so much of what I’m talking about is in the past, but it still feels like it’s happening, I’m still trying to react.”

“That’s okay,” she reached out and let her hand rest on the table between them, “Nothin wrong, memories get different every time, we’re always changin our opinion on em.”

“I don’t think he’s dead.” Panic made him say it.

Yashotta’s montrals twitched, “Who?”

“The man I’ve been talking to, in the garden.” He had to speak quickly or he’d start to realize how dangerous this was, “I haven’t seen him since the war started and I don’t know where he is, but if he’s been alive all this time, then I don't know who he is anymore.”

“Why’s that a bad thing?” 

He’d never admit it to himself, but to her it came naturally, “Because it would be easier to miss something that’s still there.”

She nodded, “It would.”

He’d been expecting more, maybe a lecture about unhealthy coping and how you should let the past stay in the past. If someone had said all that to him, he might have told them that dwelling on old memories stunted current growth, and that life was a straight path forward, you couldn’t double back. He would have said something that no one in his position wanted to hear because he’d been a Jedi and you had to let things go.

But she didn’t say anything after that, she got up and kept making dinner. Eventually he went back to peeling carrots and he didn’t have any trouble staying focused.

-

He only went to the market in Mos Eisley on weekends when it was at its most crowded, it made blending into the background easier.

He needed some herbs and fatty meat for a stew, plus Yashotta had asked him to pick up whatever fruit looked nice. It took him only ten minutes of pushing through the crowd and checking his list to realize he was being followed.

They were being very careful about it, doing their own shopping and following a patternless path behind him. Their only problem was their tendency to stare at him when he stopped to talk to people, as though trying to read his lips.

He kept his calm and didn’t change his pace as he sized them up. They were conspicuously tall, dressed plainly in tight black cloth which was undoubtedly hiding a set of armor. Their helmet was greyed and dirty, it looked to be of Devaronian origin, but had since been modified for a less horned wearer. They weren’t openly armed but it was hard to see their full form through the crowd, there was probably something strapped to their thigh.

He hadn’t been in danger like this in a very long time but it didn’t scare him, they could be after Luke and he’d kill them if he needed to. He started searching for an alley to turn up, they were bigger than him and hand-to-hand would be difficult without the force, an ambush was his best option.

The figure nodded to a vendor and turned to him, almost catching him staring. He cursed under his breath and started edging through the crowd towards a bar, if they made the mistake of following him in he’d know they weren’t a professional. He came to the door and spared a look back, they weren’t facing him and he pushed inside.

He kept his head down and sank into a seat near the front, the window was dirty and he couldn’t make out individual forms passing by. How they’d found him, what they wanted, those were questions to worry him another time. He’d been expecting something like this since he arrived, this was why he was here, he was prepared for this fight.

He waited half an hour and they didn’t come through the door. It wasn’t a good sign, it meant they were waiting for him.

It was dangerous, more dangerous than he was willing to admit but he smiled at the bartender, “You’re going to let me out the back door.” 

The force softened the man’s mind and he set the down glass he’d been polishing, “I’m going to let you out the back door,” he started making his way around the bar and towards the back with a dazed grin, “This way, Sir.”

He pulled his hood up and followed with careful steps, it had been months since he last used the force, his chest itched to dive back in. He watched the bartender open the door from a distance and cracked his neck.

In battle, he knew which bolt would be shot at him while it was still in the blaster, the force would tell him. He’d know exactly where it would hit before any triggers were pulled and his saber would be waiting on its mark. Combat was simple, the force would give him the script, all he had to do was be on time for his cue.

He stepped into the alley.

_Blaster to the temple, left side._

He reached to his left and caught the arm before it could raise its blaster.

_They’re going to kick you._

He twisted their arm; they didn’t shout but the kick was weak and didn’t land.

 _Knife._

He pulled them past him and into a pile of crates against the wall, they didn’t drop the knife, it was coming out of their sleeve.

_Bolt to the chest, dead on._

He threw himself to the side as a blue ring buzzed past. Not good, they were trying to stun him, probably needed him alive for information or a bounty.

 _Tackle, very strong._

He was still off balance from dodging the shot, it was a good move on their part, not much he could do but brace for it. They hit him low and their helmet went into his stomach, they both went down.

Their blaster was gone and the force was silent, which meant it was his turn. He was still on his back which wasn’t ideal, but he’d landed with his legs bent. He waited till they’d pushed themselves up just a few more inches and then drew both legs in, putting his feet in the perfect position to kick them square in the chest.

He put his full strength into it and they went back hard, but the armor under their clothes saved them from a broken rib. Their short recovery time was just long enough for him to roll away and scrabble back up to his feet. He kicked again, this time at their head. He missed when they fainted backwards and the momentum carried him away, it was a beginner’s mistake.

They’d sprung back up in the time it took him to set his feet again and his anger spiked. He shrugged his cloak off and rolled his shoulders, “Need a break first? Bars right there, first round’s on me.”

“Good to see you haven’t changed.” Their voice was distorted by their helmet, not unusual for bounty hunters, if they were one. They advanced on him quickly.

 _Right hook to the chin._

He ducked and threw a knee at their kidney; he didn’t miss but their armor was solid and they took it well. 

_Left-_

They hit him hard, their glove was armored and he felt it split the skin at his cheekbone. Without thinking his hand went out and the force knocked them back almost ten feet. “Fuck.” He wasn’t supposed to do that, hopefully there’d been no witnesses. He watched them curl in on themselves in pain and dabbed at the cut on his cheek, at least it was keeping them down.

“What took you so long?” Even through the distortion it was clear they were hurting, “Thought you’d start me off with something like that.”

He pushed his hair back and started closing the distance, they hadn’t said much but it was clear they knew him, he’d definitely have to kill them now.

 _Knife._

He kept walking.

 _Knife._

He caught it by the blade, it had been headed towards his shoulder, they still weren’t trying to kill him. His hand started bleeding as he flipped the knife around and pointed it at them. “Who sent you?”

Their laugh was cut off by a groan as they flopped onto their back in surrender, “Have you been here the whole time?”

He dropped down to straddle their waist and pressed the knife to their neck, their armor didn’t reach that high, “The Empire? Are you a Bounty Hunter?”

“What have you been doing? _Hiding?_ ”

He cut back the cloth to reveal the skin of their tanned throat. It was a man, or at least someone with an adam’s apple. “Answer me, you’re going to die anyway.”

The man laughed again, all in his chest, “Ah, C’mon, you can’t kill me.”

“Oh, believe me, I can.” His hand was dripping blood now, he’d have to clean the whole scene up himself, it was going to be a mess.

“After everything we’ve been through together?” The distortion over his voice was still strong, but the vowels were too strange to hide.

He grit his teeth, he wasn’t quite ready to find out which ghost from his past had been the first to hunt him down. “Fine.” His fingers started searching the underside of the man’s helmet for an air lock, killing him would have been easier with the helmet on.

The man lifted a slow finger to a button on the side of his head. “Please, allow me.”

He didn’t remember tugging the helmet off and smearing blood everywhere, but his blood was on Rex’s face, so it must have happened.

Rex tapped his thigh, “Get off me, you’re heavy.”

He swung his leg over and sat down in the dirt.

“Kark.” Rex winced and sat up, rubbing his lower back, “That throw nearly killed me.”

“Rex.”

“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes and started testing his ribs for bruises, “The hair always gives it away.”

Gruff voice, blonde hair, tight accent, he’d aged, but it was him.

Rex took a while to get to his feet, he had to rest with his hands on his knees before he could limp off to get his dropped blaster. “I didn’t bring a shock blanket so, y’know, don’t freak out on me.” He groaned again while bending over, “I’ll be honest, I thought you’d be out of practice or something but, you kicked my ass.”

“You’re alive.” It was stupid, but it was the only cohesive thought he could form.

Rex held a finger up, “Let’s get all the obvious stuff out of the way, I’ll go first.” He was still too easy to read, whatever calm he was trying to portray was undercut with very real anger. “Yes, I’m alive. No, I don’t have a chip in my brain telling me to attack you, I did that because I wanted to. And no, I’m not sorry.”

There was a lot to process, “You don’t have a chip?”

“I’m not done.” He started counting the points on his fingers as he spoke, “Wasn’t too hard to find you. I came alone. I don’t know where Cody is. Don’t ask about Ahsoka yet. I don’t know anything about Maul. Ready to go?”

His hand was resting on his leg and soaking blood through his robes.

Rex clenched his jaw and marched over to him, “Get up.” He snarled, “You don’t get to look at me like that, not when you’ve been sitting here for almost two years just fucking-you didn’t even _try_ to find us, did you?”

He let himself be pulled to his feet, Rex had never spoken to him like this and he didn’t know how to react.

“Do you even know what’s going on right now? While you’ve been playing house and having kriffing dinner parties?”

“Rex, Captain, please could we-” he stumbled over his own feet as Rex walked him hard into a wall.

“Damn right I’m still a Captain,” his lip turned up in disgust, “But what are you? You can still fight, almost slit my throat, what’s stopping you?”

“Rex, I-” He couldn’t know, it was too dangerous for Luke.

“What’s that?” Rex shoved him again, “Nothing to say for yourself, Obi-wan?”

He hadn’t heard that name in a long time, he imagined Cody saying it sometimes, but that was it. “Don’t call me that.”

“Why? You think you’re the one in danger? Do you know the size of the bounty on my head right now?”

Up close he could see the start of wrinkles on Rex’s face and purple bags under his eyes, there was a thin white scar on his forehead, he was aging very differently than Cody had.

“Obi-wan. Use it. That’s your fucking name.” Rex dropped his hands like he was something too vile to touch, “Do the bare minimum.”

His blood was still on Rex’s cheek and he wanted to wet his thumb to wipe it off. As awful as it all was, it was good to see him again. “We shouldn’t talk here.”

Rex was still breathing hard and his eyes were dark with anger, but he nodded curtly and backed off, “I know where you live. I’ll meet you there, tonight.” He turned to get his helmet off the ground and left without looking back.

Obi-wan stayed up against the wall until the throbbing in his hand started to get to him. The knife had cut his middle finger halfway to the bone and sliced deep into his palm, it was going to need a bacta soak and then stitches. Rex was angry and he was bleeding, he’d done this before.

-

He still had Rex’s knife, he kept it sitting on the table while his hand soaked. He didn’t quite understand the scale of all the rage Rex had thrown at him, but the root of it was clear enough. He knew it looked bad, a Jedi Master, holed up in the desert while the Empire and the Sith ripped the galaxy apart, a man like Rex had a right to be angry. But he was here for Luke, guilt couldn’t touch him.

Rex opened the door without knocking and threw his helmet onto an armchair. The low ceilings and cluttered furniture of Obi-wan’s tiny hut made him look enormous and comically out of place.

“Hello, Captain.”

Rex scrubbed a hand over his buzzed hair like he always did when he was nervous, “You can’t stay here.”

He nodded to the chair he’d set out, “Will you sit down?”

Rex put all his focus into tugging his gloves off. Cody had always made fun of him for the way he’d sometimes puff his bottom lip out when he was frustrated, he was still doing it, even now.

“Have you eaten?”

Rex shook his head.

“I’ll fix you something.” He braced for resistance that didn’t come, Rex made no move to stop him as he wrapped his hand and went into the kitchen. He had some roasted broccoli and leftover Dune Lizard that he’d fried up with Yashotta’s recipe, he stayed with the food while it heated up.

Cody had told him once, in the dark, through tears, that he feared he didn’t love all his brothers equally. He couldn’t explain in any way that made sense why that was something to feel guilty about, Obi-wan still didn’t understand, he figured he just wasn’t meant to.

Rex had settled into his spot at the dinner table when the food was ready, he didn’t look up as the plate was set in front of him, but he nodded his head in thanks.

Obi-wan started on his stitches while Rex ate, fixing his own wounds hurt more than he’d remembered, and it was hard to hold his hand steady. He figured out quickly that he wasn’t skilled enough to sew the gash on his palm, he’d just have to wrap it and keep it clean.

“M’sorry for throwing the knife, just meant to rough you up a little.”

He set the needle down and faced his guest with a smile, “I’ve had worse.”

Rex shrugged in agreement and scraped up the last of his meal, he’d eaten fast, he must have been starving.

“Do you want more?”

“I’m alright.” He dropped his hands into his lap and flicked his eyes up briefly to scan the room, “This really where you’ve been?”

Small talk hadn’t really been on the menu anyway, “Yes.”

“I don’t,” Rex cleared his throat, “I don’t really know where to start.”

He’d have to be very careful, the Captain was still on edge, “Could I ask you then?”

“What happened on Mandalore? If Ahsoka’s alive?” The corners of Rex’s mouth turned up humorlessly, “Sure you want to know?”

He didn’t need to, Rex had spoken her name too easily, she was fine. “I’d rather start with what happened to you, if that’s alright?”

“Me?” Rex hid his surprise well, “Not much to tell.” He thought for a moment and then brought a finger up to brush the scar on his forehead, “Got my chip out, I was the only one. Been running ever since.”

“I’m sorry.” It was the wrong thing to say, he regretted it immediately.

“You should be.” The hostility was still there, but now more forced, “We could’ve used your help.”

He’d spent the past three hours thinking up excuses, not one of them had sounded like anything other than a blatant lie.

Rex withered under his silence, like he’d been expecting more. “Everyone thinks you’re dead, you know that?”

 _Everyone thinks Cody killed me_ , he thought. “I do.”

“I haven’t told her that I found you yet.” Rex’s eyes flashed at him and caught what little light the window still had to offer, “Because I know there’s more to this and-I didn’t want to tell her you were just, doing fine. I mean what am I supposed to say?” He was trying to sound mean, but it was all coming out wrong, “‘Don’t think he’s too worried about us, but god help anyone who fucks with his garden.’”

“Do you really believe that?” It was a real question, “Do you really think I don’t spend every single day worrying about you? About Ahsoka?” He could hear Cody telling him to back off, Rex had been through enough already, slow down. “I thought I’d sent you off to your death on Mandalore, I’ll never forgive myself for the way this ended.”

“It hasn’t ended.” Rex kept glancing around the room like someone might be listening, “We’re still out there, every day, there’s always going to be something to fight for.”

“And my fight is here, Rex.” 

“Do you know how I found you?”

The question caught him off guard, there wasn’t much that scared him anymore, but this certainly had the potential.

“I mean once I got to Mos Eisley it wasn’t too hard, strange hermit in robes? Calls himself Kenobi?” Rex smiled only with his mouth, “Lives near the Skywalkers?”

He’d have to wipe Rex’s memory; he knew too much already. It would take a while and might mess him up for a few weeks, but he’d live. “How long have you been following me?”

“Couple days.” 

The force energy it would take to remove a week’s worth of information was dangerous, he’d have to do it somewhere far away in the off chance that he was detected. He felt cold, if it were anyone else he’d probably just kill them.

“Anyway,” Rex sighed and leaned back in his chair, “I didn’t actually expect to find you here, did it as a favor.” His smile was hard to miss, “Ahsoka wanted to come herself, but she’s busy, and I was in the system.”

“Ahsoka?” It was strange to hear Rex using her name.

Rex nodded and he looked young again, only for a second. “She sent me a message a couple weeks ago about this, dream-vision, I guess. She was really shook up over it.”

“She had a vision? About me?” It wasn’t a problem he had planned for, but it made sense in a way.

“Yeah.” Rex started running his hand over his hair again, “She said you were talking to her and you told her that you hoped she was alright.” He scrunched his nose like he was trying to hold back tears, “She said you told her you didn’t want her to be alone, or something, then you made a joke about Tatooine.”

Fear had been waiting for him ever since he’d arrived, it greeted him now like an old friend. “Did she say anything else?”

Rex seemed to have missed the sudden change in tone and shook his head at the wall, “That’s all she told me, there might have been more but I didn’t ask.” 

“ _And if you are alone, I hope it’s somewhere nicer than Tatooine.”_

That’s what he’d said, he’d been drunk and sad once Yashotta left, and he should never have said her name. He’d been trying to forget that night, it embarrassed him. After everything he’d let happen to her the best he could do was a pathetic joke about his own suffering. He could have laughed, what a fitting punishment that she’d actually heard him. 

“Gen-Obi-wan?” Rex frowned at him, “Got nothing?”

“I don’t understand.”

Rex rolled his eyes, “It’s not like I really get any of that stuff with the force but, c’mon, that’s a sign, right? She was meant to find you, or I was, and now we have.”

“No, well,” and then he did laugh, because it was sad and there was nothing else to do. “I suppose it was a vision, but I did say that, two weeks ago.”

Rex’s posture had gone stiff at the sound of his laughter and he didn’t reply.

“I was just talking to myself, I do it all the time.” He let his head rest on his good hand and stared at Rex sideways, “I didn’t actually want her to hear me.”

“Well she did.”

He turned his head so that his palm could smother his face and stop him from laughing again, it wasn’t funny. “Rex, I’m sorry.”

He could hear Rex shift in his seat. “I get that you’re sorry, kriff,” his voice was tight with frustration, “Just come back with me, it’ll be fine.”

He couldn’t even say her name anymore. If she’d been able to sense him drunk in his backyard, who knew what she might see if he tried to talk to her with a clear mind. Damn the force, she wasn’t meant to hear that.

“I can’t imagine what it’s like with him-with General Skywalker gone.” There was a sickening hopefulness in Rex’s tone, “I miss him too, but he didn’t even know his family here.”

Obi-wan kept his face buried in his hand, there was an ugly part of him that wanted to turn on Rex and tell him everything. He probably wouldn’t even believe it.

“Is that what this is?” Whatever vicious angry person had attacked Obi-wan in the alley was gone, he was just Rex again, Cody’s sad little brother. “Because I checked, alright, those Skywalkers down there, they’re just famers. I spend all day monitoring the Empire, and I promise, they don’t have time to go after the distant relatives of dead Jedi. That family, they’re not the ones who need protecting.”

Somehow the fact that Rex was trying to comfort him hurt more than the talk of Anakin and Ahsoka. It was true that he felt no guilt, Luke needed him, and he’d be there, but the Captain’s quiet words and misplaced hope were an aching reminder of what it had felt like, back when things were nice.

“I’m sorry I got so mad.” Rex murmured, sounding sheepish and familiar, “Ahsoka won’t be like that, she’ll be really happy.”

Obi-wan couldn’t face him, he said it to the open window, “I have to stay.” He could see Rex wiping his face out of the corner of his eye and it felt like something that would scar.

“Why?” Rex’s voice was wet and small, “What makes this better?”

He stared out his window at the dark expanse of sand and dipping canyons and he thought about his garden, and Yashotta, and Luke learning to talk. He’d come very close to liking it there, he had a house and a friend, he didn’t need to fight or pretend to understand how the military worked. He had a favorite mug and he talked to Cody, he got excited about fixing his speeder bike, he’d just started to blend in, he’d almost convinced himself that moving on was something he could look forward to. “The Skywalkers, they have a child.”

Rex shrugged and wiped his nose on his sleeve, “Yeah, the baby, what about him?”

“His name is Luke, he’s Anakin and Padmé’s son.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cafffine fic without Rex???? Unheard of, impossible.
> 
> In my draft the first half of this chapter was just labelled: 'obi is horny on main'
> 
> Thank you again for reading and leaving comments also again that DRAWING OF YASHOTTA YALL I-


	4. Chilling Requirement

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New and absolutely beautiful art for this chapter by @cillyscribbles (you can find more of her art on tumblr!) who has turned me into a parrot that is only capable of repeating "Oh god I love this drawing" over and over. 
> 
> This is kind of a strange chapter but we gotta spend some real time with Cody ya know? Who even is this dude??

**_Chilling Requirement_ ** **def.**

**After falling to the soil, fruits need to endure a period of cold weather before their seeds are ready to germinate and blossom. A fruit’s _Chilling Requirement_ is the minimum period of cold weather needed to activate growth. Seeds do not spend the winter simply waiting for warm weather, they are preparing, the time spent under the ice is necessary. **

-

Cody didn’t complain when he was led down to the cargo hold to be locked up with his brothers. It was uncomfortable and the restraints were a bit much, but he could hear the scream of multiple TIE Fighters hot on their trail, causing a scene didn’t seem like the best idea.

The girl in trooper’s armor knelt down next to him to take his blasters and nodded to Hound and Rivet, “Should I stun them again?”

The hull shook from heavy fire and he glanced over at their slumped forms, getting stunned twice in an hour could be dangerous. “No, put me out.”

She cocked her head, “You sure?”

“They’ll wake up soon,” he could hear Barriss shouting orders in the deck above, “If they’re able to ask me questions they’ll be much worse.” They wouldn’t hesitate to attack him if they put any of it together, might even rip through their restraints if the chip was active.

“Suit yourself.”

He clenched his jaw and braced himself as she raised her arm, he didn’t even know where they were going, he realized, probably should have asked. 

-

It wasn’t really a dream, there was nothing to look at, not darkness, just nothing.

 _I need to reach up._ He thought, which was strange because directions weren’t really something that should exist, he wasn’t anywhere.

And yet-

 _It’s above me._ It was more of an instinct than a thought, like blinking.

There wasn’t anything else that he knew how to do so he reached up, above himself and towards, he didn’t know.

It was hard work, whatever else was above him (the abyss, nothing) was heavy and didn’t particularly like being forced out of the way by his upwards plight.

He could remember it now, _“Blast him.”_ And then Obi-wan fell to his death and Cody felt…not darkness just-

He broke through suddenly, there _was_ something above him, it was warm and bright and it had been waiting for him all along. _Don’t stop_ , he thought, _that’s the sun._

-

When he woke again it was completely silent, a welcome deviation from his recent luck. He was still tied to a pipe in the cargo hold and his back was furious at him for sitting on the ground for so long. He cursed under his breath as he lifted his head and felt the stiffness in his neck begin to ooze down his spine.

“Good to see you again, Commander.”

He blinked hard; it was Barriss’ voice but he couldn’t see her in the shadows. The discarded cuffs across from him caught his eye, “My brothers-” he coughed.

“They’re alive.”

The darkness shifted to the left of him and he saw her, still dressed in black and unnervingly similar to the young Jedi he’d once thought she was. “Where are we?”

She moved gracefully towards him until her yellow eyes caught the light, “Out of the Empire’s reach.”

“Not really an answer, is it?” He straightened his back and winced, he was getting a little old for this.

“Until we’re sure you can be trusted, it’s the only one you’re getting.” She flicked her hand and his cuffs rattled to the floor. “I’ll take you to the medic in a moment, I wanted to talk to you first.”

He scoffed and rubbed at his wrists; not thirty seconds in and he was already on the witness stand, “I wasn’t lying about the information I can give you, I’ll cooperate, alright?”

“Do you know where this came from?”

He looked up at her and his stomach flipped, it took him a second to remember why. She was holding a flower, it was round and orange and looked freshly picked, the petals were dainty and ruffled at the ends, he’d seen them before. He tried to laugh, “Is this a riddle? Am I supposed to say, ‘a seed’?”

She pursed her lips into a thin smile, “I can sense your unease, humor does nothing to hide it.”

“I’d be a lot less ‘uneasy’ if I knew where I was,” he turned away and pushed himself up, his knees popped, “And I don’t know what that is.”

“Funny, neither do I.” She began twirling it between her fingertips, “But apparently it came from you.”

“I prefer daisies, do you have water?”

“It was growing out of your mouth.” She stepped closer and put her free hand on his chest to still him, “Roots and all, we think your brothers saw it happen.”

He could almost feel how cold her touch was through his armor, “Trying to mess with me?” He didn’t sound as confident as he wanted to, “This how you get in people’s heads?”

“I’ll bring you to the girl who pulled it out,” there was nothing mocking about her tone, “I think she’d like an explanation as well.”

Cody held her gaze, he couldn’t look down at the flower, it felt like staring over the edge of a cliff.

She dropped her hand from his chest and nodded once, “I think you know more than you’re letting on, but your confusion is genuine.” She tucked the blossom into a pocket under her cape, “I won’t get anything out of you like this, we can go to the camp now.”

He ran his tongue over the familiar ridges of his teeth, there was nothing out of place, no roots.

She was already halfway up the stairs, “Don’t make me drag you.”

Cody cracked his back one more time and went after her, up through the darkened underbelly of the ship and towards the fresh air rolling in from the open gangway. It was night but there were three distant moons casting soft light over the grassy fields of whatever planet they’d landed on. It had been weeks since he’d been outside, and maybe a year since he’d done so without a helmet on, he let the breeze on his face distract him from everything else. 

Barriss led them silently along a trampled path and towards the gaping mouth of a cave, she was finally starting to show signs of pain, pressing her hand to her side every few yards. The camp was only illuminated in small pockets of flickering light, but the shadow of it was huge. It spilled out of the cave’s entrance and across the landscape in a natural, unplanned way. Nothing like the Empire’s right angles.

He started following her more closely when they reached the first ring of tents, he wasn’t wearing cuffs which meant he wasn’t a prisoner, but he kept his head down anyway. The grass under his feet was flattened by use, but not worn away, the Rebels hadn’t been here long.

Barriss spoke to him over her shoulder as they made their way through stacks of supply crates and small tents lit from within. They didn’t have many resources, she informed him, they could feed him and give him water, but any serious injuries would have to be treated without bacta. 

Cody nodded along, trying not to catch the eye of any of the strangers passing by. The night was warm and the campfires were only lit for the few people still awake to gather around, some of them were cooking food or brewing tea. He’d almost forgotten what humanity looked like, not that he had ever really known.

“Our medics are expecting you; you’ll spend the night in here for now.” Barriss stopped at the entrance to a large white tent and folded her hands behind her back, “We’ll save the introductions for tomorrow, it’s best if you get some rest.”

He hadn’t really gotten a good look at her yet, her face was still soft around the edges, couldn’t be more than twenty, maybe younger. “What about you?” He gestured to her side and couldn’t help but smile at the anger that flashed across her face, it was always the teenagers that hated getting caught with a scraped knee.

She hid her dented ego with a sneer, “I’m not as old as you, I’ll be healed by the morning.” 

“You should start with disinfectant.”

At that she turned on her heel and carried herself off into the night, her hair was still short and gathered in the back, it bounced as she walked away.

Cody had to remind himself of who she was, what she had done to Commander Tano, he shouldn’t be worried. His hand lingered on the flap of the tent, he was unguarded, he could make a run for it, steal a ship, go anywhere he wanted.

 _“Your brother.”_ Barriss had said.

-

It was nice to take a shower, he smelled like hell. There had been a creaky little droid waiting for him in the tent that gave him a tray of food and a bottle of water. They told him to wash up and relax, it would be a while till a doctor could see him.

He toweled his hair off and chuckled at the patched-up set of clothes that had been laid out for him, such kindness, these people didn’t even know who he was. The food was good too, anything was better than the pre-packaged, barely heated up cardboard he’d been fed by the Empire, by the GAR. It tasted home-made, the last person that had cooked for him had been-

“Your hair looks different.”

Cody spun around, there was a little boy standing just inside the curtains around his bed. “Uh, hello?”

The boy scrunched his nose and his messy black hair fell in front of his eyes, “Hi Gregor.”

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” A pretty Nautolan pushed her way past the curtains and knelt down next to the boy. “Cassian, honey,” she pushed his bangs back gently, “If there’s a curtain around the bed it means privacy, you know that.” 

The little boy kept staring at him with wide, knowing eyes, “But it’s Gregor.”

The Nautolan looked up at Cody and laughed, high pitched and awkward, “Again I’m, so sorry. It’s just because you’re new.” She smoothed the boy’s shirt down across his chest and shooed him back out of the curtain, “Why don’t you go get something to eat?”

The boy scurried off and Cody watched the Nautolan woman straighten herself out with a tight chest. She gave him a little wave and took the stethoscope around her shoulders off, “Hope you’re not too tired.”

“Where are the troopers I brought with me?”

Her smile blinked off, “They’re-we’re doing what we can.” Her watery black eyes narrowed, “I think we're supposed to wait on this, we don’t want to overload you.”

“I just want to know where they are.”

“Please, Mr.” she stuttered, “Cody.”

It wasn’t good that she didn’t have an answer ready, the thought of them locked up and rabid somewhere wasn’t a comforting one.

The Nautolan pulled her hands back through her tentacles and took a careful step towards him, “The surgery needed to remove their inhibitor chips, it’s going to be difficult with the resources we have now.”

The knot in his chest unfolded slightly, “You can do that? It’s possible?”

She reached for his shoulder, very carefully and without touching him, “I understand that you’re worried, but you should know this is the safest place for them. We’ll just need some time to prepare, they’re resting right now.”

“This surgery, who else have you tried it on?” His mind was racing now, if it could be removed, if this could be undone, there were so many more of them that deserved a second chance.

She shrank back, “I’m sorry, I don’t think you should hear that from me.”

“What?” She flinched and Cody’s heart sank, she was only trying to help, and there he was yelling at her. “Sorry, I don’t mean to be-you can do your tests.” She hadn’t seemed to be lying about Hound and Rivet resting somewhere, and it wasn’t like his presence would do them any good in their current state.

“Thank you.” She laughed again, this time it sounded real, “I hope Cassian didn’t startle you, could you sit down on the bed? I’ll need to swab the inside of your cheek.”

He let her poke and prod him as she wished, content to bask in the mindlessness of the moment. She worked quickly and apologized after each needle prick. She only had purple bandages, she apologized for that too. His dental hygiene impressed her, and he felt strangely proud, “You clones,” she muttered, “Such nice wisdom teeth.”

He was staring at the top of her head as she stooped to check his heartbeat. “Don’t know if this is my place but, you might want to send someone to check on the girl.”

Her hand fumbled against his chest, “Safra? She’s just a little scraped up.”

“No, ah, Barriss Offee? The Mirialan?” 

She froze completely and kept her eyes down at her notes about his blood pressure. 

Cody held still for her. “She’s got this thing on her side, didn’t seem like she was doing anything for it.”

“Offee is…” she looked up and Cody could see his warped reflection in her eyes, “She’ll be taken care of, don’t worry about her.”

She left without mentioning her name, just told him to drink some more water before he went to bed, and that someone would be by in the morning. Out of everything it was ‘The morning’ that amused him the most, there was no deadline given, no curfew, just, ‘The morning.’

“Thank you.” He said, a little late, hopefully she’d heard him.

-

His dreams were not violent like he’d expected after so many months without them. It started out fairly benign, in fact. Flying a ship, talking to Bacara, an old argument with Rex, hazy half images, nothing much to hold onto. But like the turn of a targeting scope on a sniper rifle, the image sharpened, his finger found the trigger. 

He was staring up at a sprawling, untouched sky. It was like a painting, intentional in its beauty. He wished he knew something about art, there were better ways to describe it than ‘beautiful’, but he couldn’t come up with much. He knew the air was lovely, though he couldn’t feel it, dry and crisp. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on his senses, but it was to no avail, the wind blew straight through him. 

When his eyes opened again he was looking down at his boots, buried in sand. He frowned at them; they were his GAR boots. Curious, he lifted his gloved hands, pressed them to the plastoid on his chest, it was all there, his old Commander’s uniform. He smiled and ran his fingers along the antennae on his shoulder, he’d missed that. 

He was in a desert, there were distant silhouettes of cliffs and windswept sand dunes all around him and very far away. He’d spent a lot of time on desert planets in the war, always liked them better than the snowy ones.

There was nothing but miles of sand in front of him, so he turned around. There was a light on, porch light maybe, not too far away, a ten-minute walk at most. 

The sound of his boots sifting through the sand as he marched along was good company. He kept lifting his arms to inspect his armor as he walked, it was just as it had always been, every brush stroke of waxy orange paint, every scorch mark, still fit like he’d been born in it.

The light was coming from a little house near the edge of a canyon, and as far as he could see, it was the only one for miles. Its walls looked to be made of clay, brown and square with a big dome in the middle of the roof. It was sweet, quaint, even had a little chimney sending wisps of smoke up into the stars.

He went around to the back - that’s where the light was - and was greeted by a dusty patio, lit dimly by a single lantern. There were planter bins, scraps of engine parts, and Obi-wan, sitting in a rickety chair with one leg drawn up so he could rest his head on his knee. He was staring at a pot of flowers and didn’t notice a thing. 

Cody watched him for a while, he didn’t look quite the same as he remembered, a little greyer. The wind would whisk his hair up every once in a while, but nothing fazed him, he was too busy watching the flowers.

They were impressive, tall and bushy, aggressively orange, Cody smiled at them.

“They’re marigolds.”

He turned, there was a man next to him. It was only a dream, so he didn’t think much of it, “The flowers?”

The man nodded, “Thought ya should know.” 

“Thanks.” He went back to watching Obi-wan watch the marigolds.

“He takes great care of em,” the man stepped closer, “Or so I hear.”

Cody nodded, he wished he could grab a blanket for Obi-wan’s shoulders.

“Good to finally make yer acquaintance.” His accent was funny, outdated.

Without moving Cody flicked his eyes to the side and gave the stranger a once over. The man looked to be around his age, a little shorter, not quite as muscled. His hair was thick and wavy, all held in place by a pair of goggles strapped to his forehead. He had a nice smile, a kind, handsome face, green eyes and long eyelashes, grease smeared over his cheek. It was odd, couldn’t you only dream about faces you’d seen before?

The man crossed his arms and returned the stare with a grin, “You’re alive, aren’t ya?”

“I’m dreaming.” He was distracted by Obi-wan reaching down to grab his mug of tea off the ground.

“Aye, that too.”

Obi-wan frowned in concentration while blowing the steam off his tea and Cody almost called out to him, “He can’t hear me, can he?”

The man thought for a moment, “Most of the time, no.”

Cody was thankful, suddenly, that this strange mechanic was there with him, he seemed to know what he was talking about.

“But we-well, you can hear _him_.”

“I can.” Cody turned to face him, leaving Obi-wan to his tea, “Is this a punishment?”

The man raised an eyebrow, “Does this feel like a punishment?”

“I guess not, but,” he could remember the last time he’d worn his Commander’s uniform, “I killed him.”

“Really?” The man glanced over Cody’s shoulder at Obi-wan, “Looks alright to me.”

“Of course he does, but this is a dream, this is just-” they’d never found his body, Cody’s only memories of him were breathing. 

“I know.” The man put his kind smile back on and hitched his thumbs into the straps of his dirty overalls, “It’s hard at first.”

Cody sighed and then he was calm again, no use in arguing.

The man laughed and rocked back on his heels, “Listen, it was good to meet ya, but I can’t stay, got a girl waitin back home.” He winked, “Gonna ask her to marry me.” His eyes twinkled and he tried to wipe the grease off his cheek, “You’ll have to figure this out yourself, especially a fella like you, still alive an’ all.” The grease didn’t budge, he made it worse, “But a word of advice?”

Cody leaned in.

“Start listening.” The man gave him one last blinding smile and then strolled off, heading off into the darkness with a swing in his step.

Cody looked back at Obi-wan, alone with his tea, and then back at the stranger, “Wait!”

The man stopped and turned around, now only a dark outline against the moonlit sand.

“Do I know you?”

“Ya do now.”

After that he was gone, it was just Cody and Obi-wan in the backyard. Obi-wan ran out of tea eventually and when he stood to go back inside and Cody didn’t bother trying to call his name. He trusted the mechanic, it wouldn’t work.

There was sun seeping through the seams in the roof of the tent when he woke. He lay still for a time, there were petals-marigold petals-on his face and in his hair again, he didn’t panic, he’d been expecting them.

He could still see Obi-wan’s face in that quiet garden. Without the softened confines of a dream it didn’t make him happy anymore. He rolled over and buried his face into the pillow, pressing the petals into his cheeks. Selfish as it was, he’d been so ready to die on the Trial when Barriss found him, excited almost.

He cried after Umbara-that was years ago now-he cried when he read the report on what happened to Rex on Zygerria, and when he was just a cadet, only 4 years old, he sobbed over his batchmate CT-0401 who was terminated by the Kaminoans for being too short. He wasn’t as bad as Rex, but he’d shed some tears at the season finale to his favorite holodrama, the son died, just awful. He’d wanted to, but he didn’t cry over Fives, because Fox was there, and he had enough to feel bad about. He’d even cried tears of joy once, when he found out Wolffe had survived Grievous’ attack on the Triumphant.

A couple years without his emotions had done a number on him, but, as it turned out, he still knew how to cry. And he did, right there, laying in his nice hospital bed with all the stupid flower petals because Obi-wan had been dead for almost two years now, and Cody hadn’t once mourned him.

_“Good morning darling, I hope you didn’t think I’d forgotten; I was sleeping in, I think I’m hungover.”_

His sob caught in his throat and he went still.

_“Oh, I’ve been thinking about this all week, do you remember when I bought you that orange shirt for our dinner?”_

He sat up in bed and pulled the sheet up to wipe his face.

_“You’re right, silly question, of course you do.”_

It was useless to look around the room, it was just an instinct, he knew where the voice was coming from.

_“Looking back on it, I just-I can’t believe you actually wore that for me, what was I thinking?”_

He rubbed his eyes again, shaking himself out of the momentary despair.

_“Not that you didn’t look good, you always looked good. You could’ve worn one of those horrible tunics that all the young Twi’leks were obsessed with back then and been the most handsome man on Coruscant.”_

It was such a stupid thing to say, he was still hazy with sleep and puffy-eyed, it made him smile.

 _“And that meal we had? Gods, you know I’m trying very hard to improve my cooking, I can’t just bake everything, I’ll have to use that skillet eventually.”_

He flopped back down into the pillows and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyelids, were hallucinations this ridiculous for other madmen? 

_“I was talking about it with Yashotta, she’s offered to teach me how she fries her Dune Lizard, I’m going to owe her my life.”_

Cody pulled his hands back, Yashotta, hadn’t he heard that name before?

_“She’s going to have to give me a crash course on seasonings first, I nearly made her cry when she saw my spice shelf that consists entirely of salt and that chili that made me sneeze. I’m serious, I wish that were humor.”_

He smiled again and then forced it back down, swiping at his face to get the petals off, he shouldn’t be finding this funny, it was sad, and crazy.

_“I’m going to bring her more of the marigolds, there’s so many of them now, it’s just more than I know what to do with, I don’t know if I’m overreacting.”_

Marigolds, and there it was again. He stared down at the orange confetti all over his bed and did his best not to think about his conversation with Barriss.

 _“I mean, do you see that?”_ There was a pause, _“I think that’s three more blossoms in the past twenty-four hours, amazing. I’ve honestly considered the idea that someone has taken pity on me and been replacing them overnight.”_

“What the hell,” he reached for the glass of water next to his bed, “Snap out of it.” 

_“Maybe I am!”_

Obi-wan laughed and Cody set the water down as hard as he could, “I didn’t kriffing say anything.”

_“And you’re right I should stop questioning it, just let a miracle be a miracle.”_

“Right about what?” He searched the room for something to direct his frustration at, “What did I say?” There was nothing more from Obi-wan and he laughed at his victory, “Yeah, now you’re quiet, kriffing flowers and whatever.”

“It’s good to see you’re awake, Sir.”

Cody’s face heated so fast he was worried he'd start steaming, not only was he talking to himself, but he’d obviously just been crying, and was still covered in the impossible to shake off flower petals. “Good morning.” He said, like an idiot.

The nurse, a nervous looking boy with red hair just smiled politely and handed him a change of clothes. “You’ve been cleared to visit Fulcrum, I can take you to her tent for breakfast, or you can eat in here, whatever you’d prefer.”

“You know, why don’t I just eat in here?” He could feel another petal fall off his cheek and was immeasurably thankful that the nurse pretended not to see it.

The boy dipped his head, “I’ll be back in an hour, Fulcrum doesn’t have long, so it’ll have to be this morning.”

“Great,” Cody bobbed his head, “Can’t wait.” He was too embarrassed to bother asking who this almighty Fulcrum was, he just wanted the boy to leave.

-

He had to eat fast, he’d spent too long trying to clean himself up and get all the damned orange bits off the bed sheets. The nurse returned when he said he would, and Cody could only cast a forlorn look back at the mess he’d left as he was rushed off to wherever it was he was now needed.

The camp was alive and breathing now, stepping out of the tent was more of a shock than he’d been prepared for. There were people of what looked like every species in the galaxy, all racing around with clipboards, flight suits, plates of food, they shouted to each other about blasters and laundry and “Good morning I thought you’d be hungover!” He could’ve sworn there was music playing too, fast and driving, it made the movements of the crowd almost rhythmic, it was not a dance Cody knew very well.

He could feel people looking at him too, not openly, just the turn of a head here, a flash of eyes there. He pretended not to notice; it had been like that during the war too. The galaxy had memorized his face fairly quickly, and without a helmet on he’d been either completely invisible or an instant target.

“Her tent is just up here, Sir.” They were clearly into the more operational side of the camp; the crowd had thinned out in favor of computer tables and uniformed soldiers accompanied by droids and holo-pads.

The military atmosphere was more familiar and Cody relaxed, “Lead the way.” He began preparing himself for the questions he was sure to face. He’d promised them information on Mandalore and they’d get it, but he still hadn’t seen Hound and Rivet, he had questions too.

They stopped at the door to a small black tent and he squared his shoulders, furrowed his brow. Rebels were dangerous people, their fearless leader was no doubt a veteran like himself, he’d have to stand his ground.

Someone pulled the flap open from the inside and his own face stared back at him, minus an eye. “Cody!”

“Wolffe?”

“You _mother_ fucker!” Wolffe threw his arms around Cody’s shoulders and laughed directly into his ear, loud enough to make him flinch.

-

_“Next time I’m calling in sick,” Wolffe yanked his jacket off the second they left the room, “Kark Fox, kark this karking uniform, kark quarterly meetings-”_

_“Just say ‘Fuck.’” Bly muttered, unzipping his jacket, “If you’re gonna bitch all night, just say ‘Fuck.’”_

_Wolffe spun and pushed the door open with his back, “Kark you Bly.”_

_Cody laughed and got to work on his own jacket. Fox had inflicted a new uniform requirement on his unsuspecting brothers, it was only for the conferences between Commanders, but the consensus seemed to be that Fox was a bastard._

_Bly shook his head as they stepped out of the senate building, “That wasn’t even a joke Codes, you don’t have to laugh, sometimes he’s just not funny.”_

_Wolffe rolled his eyes and got to work shoving the offending jacket down the nearest trash chute._

_“So?” Bly gave Wolffe’s head a smack as they passed him, “Is Rex coming?”_

_Cody shrugged, “Told him he was invited but you know him, don’t think this is his scene.”_

_“Ah too bad,” Wolffe chuckled, “He’s always a sad drunk, I was gonna make him cry.”_

_“You’re awful.”_

_"You love me Cody!”_

_“I don’t.”_

_Wolffe came up behind him and threw an arm around his shoulder, forcing him into Bly and sending all three veering off the sidewalk._

_“Hey, hey!” Bly gave the two of them a shove, “We’re not even drunk yet boys.”_

_Wolffe sighed, “I know, sad isn’t it?”_

_“I’m not carrying you home again,” Cody reminded him with a glance over to Bly for support, “You hear?”_

_“Not a problem, not a problem,” Wolffe waved his eyebrows at them, “I’ll find someone to carry me out, if you catch my drift.”_

_Bly groaned, “Yeah, you dog, we catch it.”_

_“What?” Wolffe squawked, “I’m a troubled man! Can’t blame me for trying to get a little sympathy here and there.”_

_There were plenty of sharp comments to make about Wolffe’s love life, but Cody held his tongue._

_“What about you?” Wolffe tightened his grip around Cody’s shoulders, “We ever gonna meet this mysterious man you keep running off with?”_

_Bly gasped in mock horror, “Is that jealousy I hear?”_

_Cody grinned and tilted his head up to the shimmering lights of Coruscant at night, Wolffe was a terror, he probably knew everything. “Who knows? Maybe you already have.”_

_“Oh kar-no, Bly you’re right.” Wolffe cleared his throat, “Fuck you Codes.”_

-

His ears were ringing and Wolffe was hugging him so hard he couldn’t breathe, but it was the realest he’d felt since the chip went off. After a moment of blissful shock, Cody hugged him back and they staggered around in a clumsy little circle.

Wolffe pulled back and gripped him by the shoulders, “Where in the seven hells have you been vod?”

Seeing Wolffe’s ugly mug again suddenly made it all worth it, who cared if he was losing his mind. “I could ask you the same thing.”

Wolffe shook him and laughed again, the same raggedy howl that he used to let out when Bly would get drunk and try to dance for them. “I can’t believe it, Marshal Commander Loverboy, as I live and breathe!” 

“Ah, shut up.” His stomach did a ridiculous swoop and he pulled Wolffe back into a bear hug so he could shove his grin into the big idiot’s shoulder.

“Hey!” Someone shouted from inside the tent, “Get out of the way, I wanna hug him too!”

He looked up from Wolffe’s shoulder and nearly fainted, she looked different, he hadn’t seen her since she’d left the order.

“No.” Commander Tano pointed an accusatory finger at him, “Don’t you dare cry Cody because then I’ll cry, and it’ll be so embarrassing.”

“I won’t um, I’m not gonna-”

She spread her arms, “Just come here.”

It was the first time he’d ever hugged her. The closest they’d gotten was when she’d sprained an ankle on Fest during a stealth mission gone sour. All his units were scattered and comm lines were full, so he had to carry her in his arms all the way back to the ship, she’d been so small back then.

That was one of the only times he’d really fought with Obi-wan, she was too young, he’d been angry that she was even allowed near live fire. Obi-wan had insisted that she knew what she was doing, she was ready, she could handle herself. But she was a child, Cody had shouted at him, she was just a kriffing child.

“Been a long time Commander.” She said, against his chest, “We missed you.”

He leaned back to get a good look at her, her face had slimmed out and hardened, but her eyes hadn’t changed. “I thought…”

She slipped her hand down from his shoulder and gave his arm a squeeze, “Me too.” Then she smiled again, big and sunny, “Rex is gonna lose his mind.”

Suddenly he was back on the Negotiator, everything as it was, Commander Tano was gossiping to Obi-wan while General Skywalker fixed his droid for the tenth time in a week. He was standing on the flight deck after a successful mission and Waxer was giving him hell over the paperwork they would have to avoid. He was tired and grinning and it seemed like they might actually win this damned war. And best of all, there was his brother in blue, a better man than he’d ever hope to be, standing just off to the side. His voice came out a whisper, “Rex?”

-

Commander Tano asked him to call her ‘Ahsoka’ and it felt she’d kicked his feet out from under him.

“Rex isn’t here now,” she explained, pretending not to notice the way the glass of water shook in Cody’s hand. “He’s on Ryloth trying to get in contact with the Syndullas, we’re not sure how long he’ll be gone.”

Cody couldn’t speak just yet, he nodded but he didn’t know what it was in response to. Rex hadn’t killed her; that was the only thought in his mind. Of course it would be Rex, the survivor, the introvert, the Captain, of course he hadn’t killed her, that was never even a possibility.

Ahsoka’s montrals shifted nervously, “I also haven’t told him that Barriss picked you up yet, I just-I know him, and-”

“We need him to focus on his mission.” Wolffe finished.

She gave Wolffe a nod and turned back to Cody, “It’s not really ideal but, hey! It’ll be a great surprise when he gets back, right?” Her smile was awkward and hopeful and exactly as he’d always known it to be.

“Yeah that…that’ll be great.” Cody managed.

The tension in her shoulders fell and she kicked her boots up on an empty chair, “Hopefully he’s not more than a couple weeks, until then, we can do all the catching up for him.”

He tried to laugh but found he was a little too shellshocked to make it sound right. The inside of her tent had been made smaller by a ridiculous number of boxes and weapons, it was still comfortable though, not cluttered, just personal. Her bunk was surrounded by pinned photos, and neatly folded in the corner behind Wolffe, who had posted himself up against a filing cabinet to watch over them. The room told of such accomplishment, whatever she had built here was not simply for the purpose of survival, this was a Commander’s quarters.

“We don’t want to overwhelm you and we don’t expect anything from you, we just want to make sure you’re taken care of.” Ahsoka paused to give Wolffe an unidentifiable look, and then continued without waiting for an answer, “But, the story we got from Barriss wasn’t much to work with.”

“I mean, she was going to kill me, she tell you that?”

Wolffe huffed, “Vod, that was pretty much _all_ she told us.”

Cody switched the glass to his other hand so it would stop trembling, they didn’t know about the flowers, he could feel it. “Got it.”

“I’m sorry about that, by the way.” The corner of Ahsoka’s mouth twitched, “Barriss isn’t the most welcoming member of our team.”

He smiled and scuffed his boots on the floor, trying to enjoy the last few minutes before they asked him how his chip turned off, what he’d been doing, if he was okay, because he’d have to lie, that was the short of it. 

The Rebels had a good thing going here, and with Ahsoka in charge of it all, the Empire didn’t stand a chance. He’d tell them what he knew about Mandalore, he’d shoot where they pointed, he’d do it all over again if they asked, it was what he owed them.

Disembodied voices and an old man with a nerve disorder, that wasn’t their burden, that was the type of truth that snuffed people out. 

“It’s fine,” he said, “I’m just happy to be here.” The flowers on his bed were connected to Obi-wan, he knew it and it scared him, but he had work to do now, it could wait. 

-

_The sun was dry and easy on them, flushing out the chill of the early morning. He was sitting near the parked shuttle between Obi-wan and Commander Tano, trying to wrap his mind around the map Boil had sent him._

_He didn’t react when he felt Obi-wan’s head on his shoulder, it’d been a long night, Obi-wan couldn’t have gotten more than a few hours of sleep. He kept very still and only used one finger to scroll through his holo-pad, Commander Tano hummed to herself on his left._

_Obi-wan was asleep and breathing evenly after only a few minutes, Cody mentally crossed off ‘Remind Obi to take a nap’ from his checklist._

_Commander Tano didn’t notice what was going on until Obi-wan started snoring softly, she leaned over to get a better look at him and giggled._

_Cody winked at her and held a finger to his lips._

_“Do you want me to take a picture?” She whispered._

_Cody smirked, “To make fun of him?”_

_She shook her head, “Just so you can look at it later.”_

_He hesitated as Obi-wan shifted against him, still fast asleep. He looked golden and lovely in the morning sun; the ends of his bangs curled just barely in the humidity. “No, that’s alright,” he whispered back to her, “I don’t think I need a picture, I’ll remember.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me setting my fic too early to actually have Cassian be a character and having to put him in as a child LMAOO Rogue One stans how are our clown wigs feeling lately?


	5. Serotiny

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very slight content warning for this chapter, it's nothing too graphic and definitely not sexual, just a little intense. 
> 
> Some of the warnings are minor spoilers so I've put them in the end of chapter notes that you can hit the link for if you want. Please check them out if medical conditions/disease (NOT gross or gory) or choking is upsetting to you.
> 
> And, as always, thank you to the backbone of this fic, @thanksveryga and @kitcatkim for beta reading!!

**_Serotiny_ ** **def.**

 **An ecological adaptation to fire in which certain coniferous trees (trees that spread their seeds through cones, not flowers) will produce** **_serotinous_ ** **wax coated cones. These cones will only open and release the seeds they hold if burned in a forest fire.**

-

The first thing he did was track down his doctor from the night before. She’d been looking for him too, which didn’t come as a surprise. 

“Mr. Cody!” She waved with both hands and then her face fell, “I’ve been meaning to talk to you, do you have a minute?”

He told her that he did, and when she went quiet and led him to a closed off room, he told her that he already knew. He didn’t need to see any test results as proof, he was sick, and his left-hand shook, and that was fine. He’d known for a while and he wasn’t worried about it, he’d just prefer if she didn’t tell Ahsoka. 

She was sweet and worried and reminded him that doctors didn’t talk about their patients, no one would know unless he wanted them to. She also told him that it would get worse, that he could try to seek treatment, that she’d do what she could. He thanked her and left. 

\- 

On the third day, and seven days before Rex came back, Hound and Rivet went into surgery. 

Rivet made a run for it as soon as he woke up, even made it a couple steps out of the medical tent before fainting and nearly smashing his head open. He was handcuffed to his bed, and ultimately not labelled a threat. 

Hound was different, scared and pale. His eyes looked too big for his face when he finally woke up and noticed Cody sitting next to his bed. “Are we on Coruscant?” He asked, voice hoarse. 

Cody smiled even though the question made his chest ache, “No, vod. How do you feel?” 

“Did that really happen?” 

He swallowed, “Which part?” 

Hound took in the makeshift operating room and glanced at Cody out of the corner of his eye like he didn’t trust him, “I think we lost the war.” 

Cody set down the book he’d been reading and nodded slowly. Hound was still high from whatever sedatives the doctors had given him; he wasn’t thinking straight, but he deserved some answers. “I think we did too.” 

“The Emperor.” Hound whispered. 

Cody stayed very calm, no sudden movements, “He can’t find us here.” 

“Oh,” Hound touched the bandage on his head and his eyes went glassy, “Why’d we do it?” 

It was good that he was there for Hound, it twisted his insides up to think that Rex might have been like this too. “We didn’t have a choice.” It was what Wolffe had told him, it was what he told himself. “But we do now, they took your inhibitor chip out, Hound?”

“Cody?” 

“They took your chip out; you don’t have to worry about that anymore.” 

Hound thought for a moment and then laid back into his pillow, “That’s good.” He didn’t smile but it was close enough, “That’s a good thing.” 

Cody waited with him till he fell asleep.

-

Rivet was loud and panicked when he came to for the second time, he took a sip of water and then went off like a firecracker. “Kriffing rebels? Cody they eat clones alive!” 

“Don’t yell, kark, we’re safe.” 

“Oh Gods, we’re prisoners.” Rivet threw himself back into his pillow in dismay, “I don’t know anything, just tell them that, I don’t even remember my locker combination.”

“Can you-?” Cody waved off the nurse coming in to take a blood sample, a third party would only escalate things. “Just calm down, listen to me for one minute.” 

“What’d they do to me?” Rivet wailed, “Why’s my head all messed up?” 

“Be _quiet_ ,” he pleaded, “Do you remember coming to find me on the Trial? During the lockdown?” 

Rivet huffed like the star of a holodrama and managed a nod. 

“Okay,” it would have been easier if he’d prepared for this. “Do you remember how you wanted to kill me at first?” 

“Cause you were defective?” 

Cody noticed for the first time that Rivet had a birthmark on his neck, he wondered how much effort had gone into hiding it. “That’s right, and it's protocol to take out defective clones, isn’t it?” 

Rivet squinted at him, “This a test?” 

“No, I just want you to see that-I mean, you don’t want to kill me anymore,” he pushed out a strained laugh, “Right?” 

“Uh.” Rivet tugged at his handcuffs.

“…Right?” Cody stared at him, his smile going stale. 

“No!” Rivet’s eyebrows shot up and he shook his head, “I don’t want to kill you, I want to eat.” 

“Oh for Gods-fine.” Cody let out the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and ran a hand through his hair, “I’ll grab you something.” 

He’d spent the past three days hanging around their holding cell talking himself in circles, and he still hadn’t finalized whatever grand explanation he’d have to give them when the time came. They were safer here, far safer, but it wasn’t like they’d asked to join the Rebellion. He would have liked to wake them up and tell them that this time, the freedom was real, they could do what they wanted. Instead he was throwing them right back into the fire, his only excuse being that if they died it’d finally be for a good cause, or some bullshit like that.

“Is it only us?” Rivet asked, after Cody had returned with a meal. 

He tipped his chin to the curtain, “Hound’s here too, same deal, he’s resting.” 

“Hound!” Rivet whooped and then covered his mouth at Cody’s glare. “Sorry,” he giggled, “I feel so weird.” 

He sighed; it was weird. “It’s fine, I know what you mean. Been a while since we had our hands on the wheel up there.” 

Rivet poked at his food with his freehand, unbothered by the single cuff still shackling him to the bed. “Actually, I don’t think I’ve ever felt like this.” 

“Give it a few hours, the meds will wear off.” He settled back into his chair with a huff, “Eat your food, that’ll help.” 

“No I mean like,” Rivet pulled a face as he thought, “Why _don’t_ I want to kill you?” 

It was too absurd of a question to really get hurt over, “Well, we’re brothers, so there’s that.”

Rivet ignored him, his eyes starting to space out, “It’s protocol though, you’re defective.” 

He rubbed his eyes till he saw spots, he should’ve asked Wolffe what to say, “Like I told you, we took your chip out, so there’s a choice now. Stuff like that’s up to you.” 

“I don’t get it.” 

“Kid.” Cody waved a hand, trying to snap him out of whatever trance he’d fallen into, “You’re scaring me, why don’t you just eat your dinner?” 

“I still want to follow orders,” Rivet’s smile had emptied out, “I’m a good soldier.” 

Something heavy pooled in his gut, pity, guilt, he wasn’t sure. “I know, I-do you remember back before all this? Before the order came through?"

Rivet had to think for a moment, “Not really.” 

Cody opened his mouth to reply and then closed it, he’d forgotten that not all veterans were simple old men, easily placated by stories of the good fight. He didn’t know Rivet, that was the truth of it. In fact, other than good old Sergeant Hound, he wasn’t sure there was anyone that did. 

Rivet watched him and Cody melted a little under his own shame, he’d been going at this wrong from the start. Younger brothers were easy to talk to, they just took a little patience, you had to take it from the top. He took a deep breath and reset, “How old are you?” 

“Eight.” 

\- 

Wolffe reeled back, “Eight? What the hell was he doing on active duty? Kark.”

“Don’t ask me.” Cody mumbled, he was still recovering from his conversations with Hound and Rivet, Wolffe’s whisky was the only thing that mattered in the entire galaxy.

Wolffe muttered curses to himself and poured them both another glass, “That’s just sick I mean, that would make him, what? Six when the order came through?” 

“That is how numbers work I think.” 

“Shut up.” Wolffe flipped him off and winced as he threw back the entire contents of his glass. 

Cody watched the spectacle with tired amusement, he’d spent a couple nights talking shit with Wolffe and didn’t plan on stopping. It was honestly a bit of a relief to find that some people just didn’t change at all. He gave the whiskey another swig, relishing the burn, “It’s scary, I don’t even think he knows what we used to be. He grew up with that thing _on_.” 

“I dunno,” Wolffe shrugged, “Maybe it’ll be good for him. Sometimes I wish I didn’t remember anything past my first bullseye in the training room.”

Cody waved him off, “You don’t mean that, we had some good times.” 

“Yeah but, kark, when you think about what it was all building towards?” Wolffe frowned at the bottom of his glass, “Leaves a bit of stain.” 

“I hear you, I hear you.” He still wasn’t sure how to talk about any of it, so he mostly didn’t, just reacted to Wolffe and tried to keep himself from saying something embarrassing. 

“Some of the stuff we’ve dug up, Rex and I,” Wolffe’s laugh was sharp and uneven from the alcohol, “I don’t want to get into it all right now but Codes, those Kaminoans had it in for us from day-fucking-one.” 

Focussing on Rex was usually enough to keep Wolffe’s ramblings from dragging him under. 

Wolffe had to set his glass down, he could only speak with his hands, “That rat-bastard Jango too, he knew what was going on. Just wanted to raise some hell and get paid, kark, who cares about a couple million kids, right?” 

Cody moved the whisky bottle out of Wolffe’s reach, he’d had enough. 

“And he had the audacity to parade that brat of his around, what was his name? Gods, I hated that little bug.” Wolffe grimaced and got to work rolling a smoke, “Sorry, not trying to shout at you, it’s just-” tobacco leaves spilled between his fingers as he licked the edge of the rolling paper, “Ah, whatever.” 

“Those’ll kill you.” It was only a tease, he’d rather Wolffe smoke than drink himself to bed again, not that he wouldn’t wake up fine and dandy in the morning.

Wolffe struck a match and raised it to the end of his smoke, the flame lit up his face and he winked with his false eye, “Stress’ll kill me vod.” He took a long drag and closed his eyes, enjoying himself as purple smoke curled up into the roof of his tent, “Stress.”

Cody could only laugh, girls on Coruscant had always said Wolffe was better looking than the other clones, he hated that they were right. 

Things settled down and they didn’t talk much after that, Wolffe went through a couple smokes and grumbled about Ahsoka overworking herself, and Cody listened because Wolffe was easy to listen to. He was counting the days till he saw Rex again, but Ahsoka was right, it might have been too much all at once. Easing himself back into old ways with Wolffe felt slightly more manageable than trying to look Rex in the eye after all those months apart. He’d know something was wrong, he always did, he’d get all stubborn and nosy and Cody wasn’t sure he’d be strong enough to keep him at a proper distance. 

He got up to leave once Wolffe’s eyelids got heavy and paused for his joints to click into place, at least for now it was easy. He knew Wolffe wouldn’t ask him about Obi-wan, so he wouldn’t ask Wolffe about General Plo-Koon, a fair trade. 

His tent was close to Wolffe’s, it wasn’t too small, the bunk was better than his quarters on the Trial, but he walked past it and into the night. There were too many dried up petals in the sheets and sprouts poking through the floor, he didn’t want to look at them unless he had to. 

It was nearing 0100, that was around the time he’d start to hear Obi-wan, that and 1100 in the morning, there seemed to be a schedule. He was still holding out hope that the voice was some kind of short-term symptom of whatever aneurysm had turned his chip off. Maybe this was all a temporary hiccup and it would just stop one day, maybe he’d be able to grieve like a normal goddamn person.

He kept walking till he reached the outskirts of the camp, near the tall grass and the quiet little river that ran out of the cave. The planet was somewhere far out in the Helska system, he’d never heard of it, but it was nice. Everything was nice, and fine, and safe, and good enough for him, and Gods, Gods. He was suffocating in his own comfort, he wanted to scream till his throat bled. 

His thoughts faded into blindness and his feet carried him across the river and through the grass, the direction didn’t matter, he only had to keep moving. 

He was walking so fast that he almost tripped on the little puddle of black robes in his path, “Oh,” he stuttered, “Sorry, I’ll-I didn’t see you.”

“My fault.” The robes replied, annoyed, “I should have worn brighter colors.” 

“Right, don’t worry about it,” he made a sound close to a laugh and prayed that he didn’t look too insane. “I’ll ah…head back. Don’t know where I was going.”

Barriss propped herself up on one arm to properly glare at him, “You were drawn to me.” 

Cody’s embarrassment evaporated and he groaned, there was only one person on the entire planet he’d been actively avoiding. “Can’t seem to shake you, can I?” 

She flicked her eyes away to examine the nails on her thin fingers and scoffed, “I don’t recall chasing _you_ down in the middle of the night, I think you’ve got it backwards.” 

He could tell she’d been crying from the buzz in her voice, the realization only amplified his discomfort. “Whatever, my mistake.” 

“It’s the force,” she said, casually, as though he’d sat down for tea with her, “It tends to pull people together, that’s how you found me on the ship.” 

He almost laughed, “Do I even want to know what you’re talking about?” 

“Gods you’re dense, talking to you is going to give me grey hair.” She let out a shout of frustration and scrubbed her hands across her face, “All you know how to say is: ‘ _What?_ ’, ‘ _I don’t know’_ , ‘ _I don’t understand’,”_ she cursed him in sharp Mirialan, “It’s infuriating.” 

“Wow, you done?” 

“Shut up.” She sniffled and pulled her knees up against her chest, “And stop playing dumb, my patience is wearing.” 

Cody swallowed down his sharp words and let her stew in her misery for a time. It was her own fault if she thought he was dumb, only half of what she ever said made sense.

He glanced back at the lights of the camp, it was further than he’d realized, he’d need to start moving soon if he wanted to make it back within the hour. The tall swaying grass was trampled in the direction he’d traveled, a gentle guide through the crisp, cloudless night. He sighed to himself, such an easy path back, such a simple exit.

Barriss didn’t react when he sat down with her, she kept her attention on the ground and focused on pulling singular blades of grass up from the dirt and flicking them away. Her face was swollen and the thin layer of eyeliner she wore was bleeding down her cheeks and smeared on the backs of hands. By her standards, she was a mess. 

Cody didn’t look at her for too long, he didn’t know her very well and it felt invasive. A four-winged bat screeched and flapped around above them, searching for a meal. He sunk back onto his elbows to watch it, “You alright?”

“Don’t patronize me.” She ripped another bit of grass up and threw it with more force than needed.

“I’m not, I mean it.” 

“Well,” her voice was still thick from crying, “I was having a lovely night, and then my charity case ran me down and nearly stepped on me.”

“Sorry to hear that.” He was friends with Wolffe, it would take a great deal more than sarcasm to crack him.

Barriss gave up on the grass and went back to picking at her nails for a while, her breathing was still shaky, but she’d gotten her tears under control. When she spoke again it was more direct, “The flower that we pulled from you is dead now.”

“Should’ve watered it.”

“You’re scared,” she hissed, “I can-”

“Don’t tell me, you can sense it.” He knew his calm demeanor was annoying her, so he kept it up, “That’s impressive and all, but I can sense that you were crying in a field in the middle of the night, so, now we’re both psychic.”

“Did you honestly think I was going to sit here and have a heart to heart with you?” The pure malice radiating off of her was more impressive than intimidating, “I let you live because of my duty to Ahsoka and Captain Rex, if it had been up to me, you’d be dead.”

“Actually, it was up to you.” Her threats were fluff, he knew better than to pay them any mind, “And what’s this about duty? What could possibly make an Inquisitor put her life on the line for some dirty Rebels?” 

The yellow of her eyes had turned a deep sickly orange and she spoke through gritted teeth, “I have been very kind to you, Clone, that could change.” 

“That was an insult, not an answer.”

She seethed, “I don’t owe you any answers.”

“Fine, we can just enjoy the nature then.” 

“What are you?” She snapped, her voice going shrill, “How were you using the force without detection? What did you do?”

“The force again? You think _I’m_ using the force?”

She slammed her hands down so hard the tips of her fingers sunk into the soil, “Ahsoka’s too scared to ask you, but I’m not. I can see how weak you are, you don’t know how to control the type of power you’re trying to wield, you’ll be a danger to us all if you continue.”

He could barely think through his confusion, “Kark, slow down-”

“And stop denying everything because I can feel it, all over you.” The dirt around her hands began to shiver, “It’s a wonder you’ve survived your encounters with the other Inquisitors."

She was mad, he thought, or at least deeply troubled to believe with such conviction that he was capable of something like that. “I’m a clone not a kriffing Jedi, I’ve never even-"

“The force leaves death in its wake, I’ve seen it.” Scattered pebbles and tiny bits of dirt lifted into the air around them, suspended by her rage. Her chest heaved and the light behind her eyes roared like an open flame, “I thought a man like you would know better, I thought-”

“Give it a rest for one minute will you?” He only raised his voice enough to cut her off, he didn’t like to shout at people, “I mean for God’s sake, doesn’t it get tiring? Being this kriffing angry all the time?”

“Yes,” she breathed, and everything came toppling back down, “It does.”

The quiet sounds of the field at night crept back in under their silence. Bugs whistled to each other, grass rustled, roots spread, seeds fell, and fruit rot. Somewhere far off, flowers curled in on themselves and waited for the sun. Cody went back to watching the moons.

Barriss ripped her hands out of the soil and pulled her cloak snug around her shoulders. It wasn’t cold, but she shivered like a wet dog.

“Hey.” Cody said, gentle, as though he were talking to a very young Rex on Kamino who had just fallen and bloodied his palms.

Her voice wafted over to him, muffled and strained, “Leave me alone.”

“I will.” He ran his fingers through the grass and kept his mind on Rex, “Just letting you know you don’t have to worry; I never saw you here.”

“How noble of you.” She was struggling, her entire outline shook.

When Rex was two and had fallen and ripped up his palms that day in the wreck room, he’d cried and screeched so loud that Cody had to pick him up and carry him into the hall, he was scaring the other boys. Cody had been small then too, and no one had ever done it for him, but he knew what to do. He wrapped his brother’s fat little hands up and told him it was alright, he’d be fine. He sat there and talked to him because he knew, even back then, it wasn’t really the pain that was causing all the tears and drama, seeing blood just did something to a kid. 

“I know you don’t want to hear this,” he warned, “But, if we ignore that bit about the force, I think I get where you’re coming from.”

She shifted her robes and made no comment.

“I don’t know anything about you, and I’m not trying to make any assumptions, just, the Empire got me too.” He was saying it for her, so it didn’t scare him. “Now don’t get me wrong,” he added, “This is nice. Being here with these people, I think it might be the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so thanks for that.”

Her shoulders bounced in what he hoped was a pity laugh.

“But it’s hard, I’m not gonna lie.” He kept his voice soft and even, Rex’s palms were bleeding, “I look at them and I think, hell, I used to kill these people, how am I supposed to eat the food they cook me?”

Barriss dabbed at her eyes with the edge of her cloak, listening.

“And that hurts, yeah?” Obi-wan had fallen for a long time, he must have had time to realize he was going to die. “It hurts a lot. Enough to get angry.”

“Are you?”

The sky was still perfect, not a cloud in sight. “I’m mostly scared,” he admitted, “But sometimes? Yeah, I’m angry.”

“My, um,” Barriss sniffled and tried to clear her throat, “My eyes used to be blue.”

Cody was quiet then; his company was the best he could offer.

“I don’t think I can change them back. No matter what I do, it’s part of me now.” She laughed, humorless and awkward through her tears, “I can’t decide if I deserve it or not.”

He stopped himself from saying that she didn’t, she’d know it was a lie, he didn’t know either.

-

_“Back off, vod, I can take care of it myself.”_

_Cody bristled and threw a hand up in defense, “Have it your way, but I think the proper response is: ‘Gee, thanks for the offer.’”_

_“It’s not even gonna need stitches,” Rex reminded him, for the tenth time, “Why would I need help putting on a bacta patch?”_

_“I don’t know!” Cody spluttered, “It just looked bad, thought I could help!”_

_“Well I’m fine!” Rex winced as he pulled his gauntlet off, finally giving them a good look at the glistening line of opened skin along the outside of his wrist. He grit his teeth as the blood began to run down his arm, “Damn.”_

_Cody watched with silent unease. It wouldn’t need stitches, true, but it was dripping red onto the white of Rex’s boots._

_“Okay,” Rex muttered, entirely to himself, “Nice and easy.”_

_Cody’s throat went dry at the slight tremble in his brother’s hands. It was fine, he was a Captain of the GAR, and a grown man. How he dealt with his injuries was his own business._

_“Actually,” Rex couldn’t quite meet his eyes and he bowed his head in defeat, holding the bacta patch out. “I think I could use an extra hand here.”_

-

It wasn’t until late that night, early morning really, when he made it all the way back to his tent and saw the green sprouts pushing through the floor, that he realized he hadn’t heard Obi-wan at all.

The silence filled him with so much dread that he didn’t sleep, didn’t even lie down until 1134.

_“I’m so sorry I missed our talk last night darling, I went over to help Yashotta move some boxes and I ended up staying for dinner. She gave me more of that ale from Ithor and I was too tired when I came back, ah, no matter, I’m here now.”_

Cody relaxed and climbed into bed, it was fine, he was here now.

-

On the eighth day, and two days before Rex came back, time started to feel normal again.

He hid in his tent until Obi-wan stopped talking, he ate breakfast late, Wolffe complained, then he helped Gregor do inventory and clean the blasters in the weaponry. He kept busy despite not really having a job, and talked to people when he could.

Nights were easier because the Rebels had nothing big planned for the time being, the escape from the Trial had drawn too much attention and movement wasn’t safe in large numbers.

Wolffe and Ahsoka had long meetings with their officers and that lasted deep into the night, so he ate dinner with Hound and Rivet. He didn’t mind, Hound was still pretty shaken, and Rivet was a loose cannon, but they wore their damage well. They helped out in the kitchens and told him all about it.

Obi-wan always talked about a woman named Yashotta, Cody didn’t know her and he never had, but by God was he learning. He’d shack up in his tent and Obi-wan would go on about her teaching him how to cook, or a garden that drove him mad, or frost that he thought was bad for his flowers. Cody did his best not to give it any thought, but a scene was forming whether he liked it or not.

One night, Obi-wan’s voice sounded sad and he told Cody that he wanted to cook for him. He told him that he still remembered the fried fish that Cody had loved so much. You could only get it from the little stand that showed up outside the senate building on weekends. He was trying to learn the recipe himself.

The next night he sounded perfectly fine and talked calmly and extensively about the evening they’d spent together in Coronet city. Cody had gotten them a hotel room, and when the door closed he’d picked Obi-wan up and thrown him onto the bed and taken his ridiculous robes off and-

Those nights were the exceptions though, most of the time he didn’t feel the need to rip his hair out.

He started sweeping the orange petals together every morning and dumping them into the stream to be carried off. They’d be someone else’s problem. The sprouts in his tent grew even when he pulled them up by their roots, so he gave up and let them grow. Overlooking and overcoming were often one in the same, what were a few extra flowers?

-

_Cody knew he was staring; he knew he could not stop._

_There had been no time to think about things like new faces in the chaos of Geonosis, but now the reality of it loomed over him._

_The Jedi had light reddish hair that he tucked behind his ears, he had blue eyes and a neatly trimmed beard, he had a freckle on his cheek, he smiled, and it was not the smile Cody knew._

_For sixteen years he’d walked the same halls, with the same voice calling his name, and the same face waiting for him at every turn. And sure, his brothers were different in their own way, he’d know Wolffe from Neyo and Neyo from Bly and so on in his sleep, but this?_

_Cody knew he was staring._

_The Jedi was short, his clothes were funny and didn’t look like they’d fit under a set of armor. His fingers were thin and barely poked out of his overly wide sleeves. The blue figure on his holo-projector told him something and he laughed, it was not the laugh Cody knew._

_He stared until the Jedi ended his call and turned towards him._

_“Sorry to keep you waiting,” he said, in an accent Cody had never heard before, “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, my name is Obi-wan Kenobi.”_

_Cody shook his hand and remembered his training, “I look forward to serving the Republic with you Sir, my name is CC-2224.”_

_“CC-2224.” General Kenobi repeated, “Is that what you’d like me to call you?”_

_“If it’s easier for you, I can also go by the name Cody.” That’s what his trainers had told him to say, word for word._

_The General smiled again, not as wide, just amused, “I suppose that would be easier, but is that what you prefer?”_

_There was no mention of preference in any of the training modules. “I-yes. Sir.” He stuttered, “If that’s alright, or-if that’s easier.”_

_“Commander Cody,” the General said, in his funny, careful accent, “I like the sound of that.”_

_Cody didn’t show it, but he did too._

-

The day before Rex came back Ahsoka found him out by the docked supply shuttle unloading boxes of bread rations.

“Hey! Is Cody in there?” She called, “Tell him to get his butt out here I just got a message from Rex.”

“Right here!” Cody fumbled the crate he was holding and almost dropped it on his foot in his rush to get to her, “What’s going on is he alright?”

“Woah there,” she grinned as he hustled over, “He’s a big wimp when it comes to spiders, but he’s fine.”

“He’s still on schedule?”

She nodded, shielding her eyes from the sun to scan the rows of crates, “It’s a long flight, he should be in around sundown tomorrow, we didn’t let him take the nice ship.”

Cody could feel himself bursting at the seams, “That’s great-that’s-wow.”

Her smile turned wistful, “I can’t _wait_ to see the look on his face. He really needs this too; he’s had a rough couple months.”

Lifting the crates had put too much of a strain on his wrists, the tremor in his hand was so bad he had to shove it into his pocket. “I can only imagine I-Gods, is there anything I should know?”

“I don’t think so, I mean he’ll have a million questions for you, I’m sure.” 

He was too excited to worry about all the lying he’d have to do, “How’d his mission go? Did he say?”

“Yeah he-” her montrals twitched, “I guess it could have gone a little better.”

He’d met the Syndullas once, they were slippery, “No luck on Ryloth then?” 

“No-uh, but it’s good that he tried, now we know.”

“Yeah, good to know.” He could only pretend to understand the inner workings of the Rebellion, most of it went clean over his head. “What about you? Wolffe tells me you’re thinking of heading out soon.”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She turned around to gaze back at the camp with a furrowed brow, “The stuff you’ve been telling us about Mandalore, I just feel like I should be doing more.”

“More?”

“I would take Barriss.”

“Ahsoka,” he had a feeling she’d already gone through this conversation with Wolffe, “I know you’re good, but that entire system’s in a lockdown.

“We could catch a ride on an Imperial ship."

Her tendency to go jumping off cliffs had always scared him, “It’s that easy then?” 

She pinched the bridge of her nose, frowning briefly, and then shook herself, throwing on a grin, “We’ll figure something out, don’t worry. Listen, I gotta make some calls-”

“Oh, of course.”

“I’ll let you get back to it,” her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes, “But tomorrow! Family reunion!”

“See you there.” She was already miles away by the time he waved goodbye. 

-

“I met Rex once.”

“Hell of a Captain.” Cody shut himself up by stuffing a slice of bread in his mouth. He’d told too many less than flattering stories about his brother already, karma would have its way with him.

Hound snatched the salt away from Rivet and nodded, “He was helping with the search for Commander Tano, I was out on patrol with Grizz for most of it, but I ran into him after, kinda weird.” 

Cody nearly choked, “Hey-!"

“Who’s Grizz?” 

Hound gave Rivet a long withering stare, “My dog, Grizzer, I already told you that.” 

“Oh well _excuse_ me.” Rivet tried and failed to steal the salt back, “It sounded like a brother’s name.” 

“What?” 

“It does!” Rivet looked to Cody for backup, “Wouldn’t you think that?” 

Cody ducked his head down, seceding from the conversation. Hound and Rivet were almost back to normal, which meant their arguments were becoming hour long affairs again.

“You knew I was an ARF.” Hound set the salt at the end of the table, far out of Rivet’s reach, “And that’s clearly a dog’s name.”

Rivet gaped, blinking incredulously, “Your name is _Hound_.” 

“Yeah, because I’m an ARF.” 

“That’s not what I’m saying you’re-” Rivet armed himself with a fork, ready to strike, “How could you name your dog Grizzer and yourself Hound? You gave him the better name!” 

“Now that’s just-” Hound scoffed, clearly wounded, “First of all you don’t name a dog ‘Hound’, okay? You ever met a vod named ‘vod’?” 

“That would be like naming a dog ‘dog’, not ‘Hound.’” 

“Okay smartass, let’s hear it then, why ‘Rivet’?” Hound managed his anger well and only threw his napkin, “You’re the expert apparently! It better be good!” 

“Well it is!” Rivet had to stop and catch his breath, or perhaps he knew the stalling would annoy Hound further. 

Cody held perfectly still, damn it all, he had to know. 

Rivet smoothed his hair back, soaking in the attention to the fullest, “It’s a play on words. It’s the sound a frog makes.” 

Cody knew Hound was in danger of throttling his brother, but there wasn’t much he could do, he could barely breathe. 

“What?” Hound screeched, “What?”

“Laugh it up Cody!” Rivet threw a piece of broccoli at him, “I know you’re just jealous.” 

“I’m sorry,” he wheezed, “I shouldn’t it’s just-”

“Your name is Ribbit?” Hound roared, “AND I’M THE DUMB ONE?” 

Cody was still laughing when he bid them goodnight and took the long walk back to his tent. His ribs ached from it and it was a good hurt, not something he felt very often. The camp was warmer than usual and he waved to some of the familiar faces as he passed. When he came to the tent there were kids playing out front, he tousled Cassian’s hair and went to bed happy. 

-

The night before Rex came back Cody dreamed that he was in the desert again.

He knew where to go this time, the light from the little hut where he’d seen Obi-wan was winking to him across the sands.

He walked slowly, taking in the calming hush of the dunes and the endless purple sky. It was nice to move without feeling his joints creak or his wrist buzz, he could barely remember what it had been like to feel indestructible.

Without warning, a hand found his shoulder, stopping him dead in his tracks. It didn’t hurt like dreams were meant to hurt; the hand was crushing him. He whipped around, suddenly on high alert and jolted back. 

“Cody.” It was the Mechanic from before, but he wasn’t the same. His skin was bleached and there was blood shining wet on his clothes, dripping down the side of his face.

“Get off me!” Cody tried to shake him, run away, anything, this wasn’t right.

The Mechanic’s eyes were wide as saucers and didn’t react to Cody’s wild movements, almost like they’d been stuck on. “Cody.”

“Let go!”

“Something.” His voice was a wet rattle, broken and creaking, “Is wrong.”

Cody was running across the sand as fast as his feet could carry him. The light of Obi-wan’s hut was still visible though he wasn’t going towards it so much as fleeing from something much worse.

His shoulder ached from the icy grip of the Mechanic; something was wrong.

Obi-wan’s dark outline stumbled into the garden from the back door and he put his hands out like he was going to fall.

“Obi-wan!” Cody screamed, he was still too far away, he’d never make it, “It’s me!”

Obi-wan teetered on his feet for a horrible few seconds and then steadied himself, he was breathing hard.

“Please!” Cody could feel his feet catching in the sand, it was slowing him down. A dark figure on a speeder bike blew past him and he flinched.

Obi-wan reached out for the planter with the flowers in it. They had grown since Cody’s last dream and were spreading out into two massive bushes.

The sand was swallowing his feet. He tripped forward and by the time he pushed himself back up his left leg had sunk in all the way to his knee. “Obi-wan!"

Obi-wan was still far away, but he should have been able to hear Cody’s shouts. He leaned over the flowers and his bangs fell forward; his knuckles were going white from his grip on the edge of the planter. 

“It’s me!” Cody was too deep in the sand to move; it was up to his chest. “I’m right here!” 

With a violent jerk of his body Obi-wan tore the nearest bunch of flowers out of the dirt and threw them into the darkness. 

“No!” Cody’s head went under.

He woke up choking and disoriented, he couldn’t breathe and panic set in. There was a whole mass of something in his mouth and when he coughed he could feel a bit of it spew forward into his hands.

He tried to call out, but his throat was full and it came out a muffled whine. He gagged and more came loose, enough that he could start spitting and clawing it out with his fingers. It stuck to his tongue and coated his teeth with grime.

There was a lantern near his bed that he tried desperately to reach, his surroundings were oppressively dark. As he shifted in his bed he could feel more of it, grainy and dry between his skin and the sheets. The light flicked on and he covered his mouth to stop from screaming. There was dirt all over him, his hands were muddy from the bits he’d spit out and he could feel it running down his chin. He was coated in it, inside and out, like he’d crawled right up from his grave.

The floor came up to meet him as he fell out of bed. It was difficult, but he pushed himself onto his hands and knees while dirt rained down from his hair and shoulders. He was shaking so hard his teeth began to click together, he gave up.

“I’m sorry.” He forced his hands into fists and felt the mud slide between his fingers, “I can hear you, I’m sorry.”

They weren’t hallucinations, the petals weren’t a result of sleepwalking, the flower Barriss showed him had come from his mouth.

“I can hear everything.” He gulped for air and accidentally swallowed some of the dirt, it burned going down, “I listened, alright? That man didn’t have to tell me, I’ll always listen to you."

The first time he kissed Obi-wan he imagined that was how people at the ends of books felt. Characters would go around wanting something and then they’d find it, lovers would kiss and the next page would say ‘The End.’ He kissed Obi-wan and he waited for the credits to roll because that was it, the rest was usually something boring like ‘happily ever after.’

“I miss you.” He pressed his fists to the dirt, “Do you hear that? I don’t like this; I want you back.”

There was no reply, someone walked by his tent and the crunch of their boots was the only sound.

-

The day Rex came back it rained.

Cody showered for longer than he was meant to, but no one complained, they’d seen what a mess he was.

The tremor in his hand was so bad he took the pills the doctor had given him for the first time. It helped, but only with his hand.

The camp was quiet and grey, mud built up in the paths between tents and Cody helped Rivet with his kitchen chores.

Barriss came by to get her lunch and she looked at him for too long.

Rain pelted the canvas walls of the tent and it made him think about Kamino, all rain did. He skinned potatoes and rehydrated ration packs and he must have looked beat to hell because no one dared to bother him. He felt too sick to eat anything, even the water he drank had a faint mineral aftertaste that gave him shivers.

The knowledge that he would see Rex that night was the only thing keeping him moving, the only thing stopping the decay from setting in. He knew in some way that this was only temporary, the ground would always win out against a corpse; couldn’t fight it. 

He heard from someone walking past that the stream was flooding, he bit the inside of his cheek and wondered if all the marigold petals he’d thrown in it were washing up somewhere far away.

The walk from the kitchen to his tent wasn’t far so he didn’t take an umbrella. The rain fell and darkened the fabric of the jacket Wolffe had lent him. He dumped all the dirt off his bed and onto the floor, stomping it flat and leaving again without so much as blinking. He still mustered up a weak smile to the laundry crew when he dropped the sheets off, he could only imagine what they thought he’d been doing to get them so dirty.

The storm wasn’t letting up as sundown neared. He knew Ahsoka would be looking for him, so he went back to his tent despite how uncomfortable it made him. He took care to walk along the edges of the path so his boots wouldn’t get stuck in the mud.

Barriss was waiting for him, draped in her Inquisitor’s cape and a hood that fell just above her tattooed nose. Cody nodded to her as he ducked inside and she followed without a word.

He could feel her standing silent in the corner as he got to work brushing the last of the dirt off his mattress. They hadn’t talked since that night in the field, “Need anything?”

“There’s something wrong.”

He could see the bloody Mechanic again and he kept his back turned, “Came all this way to tell me that?”

“What happened to you?” Worry was unnatural coming from her, “You’ve changed.”

His brain was too fried for emotions like anger, he could only lower himself onto the edge of his bed and stare at the lantern. “Changed a while ago, just stopped fighting it.”

“No.” She let her hood fall around her shoulders, “I can’t feel you anymore.”

He’d figured it out too late, but all her mad ramblings about the force made sense now, even if he couldn’t truly explain all of it. “That’s good isn’t it?”

“I thought it would be.”

“Well let’s say it is.” He brought a hand to his temple and ended up tracing the jagged curve of his scar, this is what he’d wanted, what he deserved.

Barriss shuffled her robes and tiny drops of water rolled down her cape to the floor of his tent, “I don’t remember my time with the Jedi fondly, but the way they felt, their presence in the force, I’ll never forget.”

The color caught his eye and he finally lifted his gaze. She held a withered marigold in her gloved hand, the orange had faded. He knew without being told that it was the one she’d found on him, couldn’t be anything else.

“And they felt like this.” She took an awkward step towards him, clearly uncomfortable with the admission, “They felt like you did, that’s why I didn’t like you.”

“Saying you like me now?”

“I’m saying sorry.” She held the flower out, “I shouldn’t have taken it.”

The blossom fell into his palm as Barriss shrunk back, it was dried up and a few of the petals came loose and wafted to the floor. He didn’t know what had gone wrong, Obi-wan talked about his marigolds like he loved them, why would he rip them out of the dirt like that? “Thanks,” he set it carefully on his bedside table, “But you don’t have to worry about...me-about this, anymore, it’s over.”

Barriss pulled her hood back up and went for the door, “I doubt that.”

He only had a few seconds to process any of it before there were a chorus of footsteps outside his tent and someone calling his name.

“Sorry, ah,” he sprang to his feet, he’d almost forgotten, “Just putting a jacket on!”

“Hurry up!” Ahsoka called through the door, “He’s out of hyperspace, should break the atmosphere any second!”

He burst out into the rain with his jacket stuck around his elbows, “I’m here, I’m here!”

Ahsoka lifted her umbrella to shield him from the downpour, “Hey, did I see Barriss coming out of here a second ago?”

“Uh, she-”

“Gods, was she being weird? I told her not to be weird.”

Cody just shrugged his jacket on and gave Wolffe a clap on the shoulder, “Hope this weather doesn’t mess with his landing gear.”

“He’ll complain no matter what, so, whatever.” Ahsoka jerked her head and the welcoming crew started after her. “Here, Cody, get under my umbrella, you don’t wanna be all wet when he hugs you.” 

The walk was something of a lucid dream. He ended up holding Ahsoka’s umbrella because they were sharing, and he was taller. He had it in his right hand, but it still shook from the strange combination of not eating all day and bone shattering excitement.

Perhaps this would cure him, he thought, waiting in the rain with Ahsoka and Wolffe. Perhaps Rex would smile at him and it wouldn’t matter that the Emperor had asked him to kill Obi-wan. It wouldn’t matter that he had said yes. Rex knew him and he knew Rex and that was all anyone needed really, to be known.

Ahsoka waved at the ship even when it was too far away to see her. Wolffe lit a smoke and put another behind his ear, Cody hoped it wasn’t for Rex.

The little A-wing landed messy and blasted them all with water, they had to turn their umbrellas vertically to avoid getting soaked.

Cody heard the hiss of an air lock and Ahsoka ran forward. Under the edge of the umbrella that he didn’t have the bravery to lift he saw a pair of black boots jump from the pilot’s seat and land hard in the mud. He held his breath and watched them from the waist down.

“How was the flight?” Ahsoka asked.

The owner of the black boots wore black wrappings around his armor. He hugged Ahsoka and lifted her off the ground a few inches, when he set her back down, he said, “Nothing I couldn’t handle, it’s good to be back.”

She sighed, “We missed you.”

“Me too, I’m sorry about, y’know, I looked.”

“Hey,” Ahsoka gave him a friendly kick to the shin, “Don’t worry about that right now, we brought you a surprise.”

He laughed, “Don’t tell me, did Cassian-” he faltered, suddenly on edge, “Ahsoka you alright? What is it?”

“Oh,” she said, “Rex.”

Cody dropped the umbrella, that was his little brother.

Rex turned to look at him over the wing of his ship, he squinted at first, his eyes skipped over Wolffe and landed on Cody. “What-?”

“Rex.” Cody said, not loud enough, and then, “Rex!”

Rex’s face went blank for a split second and then he was running, frantic and confused, boots slipping on the wet grass. He closed the distance fast and skid to a halt a few feet in front of Cody, he looked so different, he’d grown so much. “No,” he mumbled, his eyes wild, “It can’t-”

“Vod,” Cody could feel tears and rain and age on his face, “It’s me.”

“No."

“ _Rex._ ” 

The hug was tight and hard, more like a collision than an embrace. Rex’s hands pressed flat on Cody’s back and his nose found the crook of his neck, it was all of him, every little piece.

Cody held on, he closed his eyes and held on. He’d never be sad again, he realized. This was what he had been fighting for all his life and the war was won. The galaxy could burn, flowers could die, hands could shake, and Cody would live through it because he was strong again.

The feeling lasted right up until Rex pulled away and stared him square in the face. His eyes were red, there was a bruise blooming on his cheek, there was a scar on his forehead. He didn’t look happy, he looked terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings:  
> -Mentions of medical conditions similar to parkinsons or any other other generalized nerve disorder  
> -Blood  
> -Choking/gagging (on substance in mouth, not one person choking another)  
> -There is NO vomiting, but some similar imagery 
> 
> This was always destined to get a little dark but don't stress, I already wrote a [tragic fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696457/chapters/59686831) for these two, I'm def not doin that again lol


	6. American Chestnut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There was an additional illustration by @cillyscribbles added to chapter 4 that you can check out if you're a returning reader!! 
> 
> Sorry that this is the shortest chapter, it was always planned to be that way but it would have been nicer to give you all a little more after such a long wait 😫
> 
> (And this is dumb but to my fellow clowns who are still watching supernatural ... hell yeah am I right)

**The _American Chestnut_** **was once one of the most important and prevalent tree species in North America. They populated the continent for 40 million years, and at the beginning of the 20** **th** **century, they numbered in the billions.**

 **After the accidental introduction of** **_Cryphonectria parasitica_** **, a deadly fungus from overseas, the** **_American Chestnut_ ** **was rendered functionally extinct. They exist only in laboratories and quarantined gardens now, nowhere to be found in the landscape they once defined.**

\- 

Oh fuck, _was his first thought upon waking,_ oh fuck I think my commanding officer is in bed with me. 

_He went stiff and curled his fingers into the bedsheets, screwing his eyes shut tighter. The sound of Commander - well, maybe just - the sound of Cody’s soft snoring played like a funeral march._

_Obi-wan didn’t know the exact moment it had all gone wrong, but if he had to guess, he’d say he was living it._

_At first it was just flirtation, nothing to write home about. Obi-wan was a self-aware flirt to a lot of people, and Cody was cute when he got flustered, simple. Wasn’t much effort either, just some banter, some staring, some standing very close, the usual. And then, well, that was going so well that somewhere along the line it had turned into some taking Cody’s helmet off in the woods at night and kissing him breathless. But, oh well, that was the natural progression._

_Cody was handsome, he was gentle, he’d said, “_ I don’t mind _.” And maybe Obi-wan had melted, so what? Who wouldn’t?_

 _It wasn’t even like things had gotten awkward after that, they were both mature adults, they could do their jobs without anything messy getting in the way. And yes, maybe after-hours he would sometimes sink into Cody’s lap in a locked office and have long conversations with the curve of his jaw, the hollow of his neck. But it was nothing, they’d already kissed once, it was just something they did now._

_He opened his eyes and waited for his stuffy bedroom to come into focus. He wasn’t naked, anymore, which was good, but he had been, not good. His stomach flipped as memories of the night prior began to sharpen. Gods, he’d said such embarrassing things. His ears started to burn, Cody had too._

_Cody snored on and Obi-wan pretended he was a good and pious man._

_That was it, he decided, sex was awful, he’d never do it again, this was humiliating. Never in all his years had he been tasked with sneaking someone out of the temple or covering up bite marks on his collar bone. Never. He’d simply been better than that._

_And yet look at him now, his commanding officer, in the middle of a war. Anakin would go into a coma if he ever found out._

_Cody stirred and the mattress dipped, forcing Obi-wan’s heart into his throat._

_He’d have to kick Cody out the second he woke up, he’d have to sit there looking like an idiot while Cody collected his armor off the floor, he’d have to light himself on fire._

_Was it plausible to think a friendship could come back from this? Would he ever be able to look Cody in the eyes again and not shrivel up and die on the spot?_

_Obi-wan kept still and slowed his breathing, praying that Cody would think he was still asleep. This was the calm before the pathetic little rainstorm, no thunder and lightning to be found._

_He didn’t even know what to say, what if Cody got angry? What if he pointed out, correctly, that it had been Obi-wan who started this? How horrible would that be? A fight on top of all the other problems they would have to stumble through._

_He took a few shallow breaths, it would have to go like this: He’d be apologetic, he wouldn’t rush Cody out the door, he’d ask that he not tell his brothers about their night together - which Cody wouldn’t because he was kind - and then they’d part ways, and he would never think about it again._

_He’d be a real General now; he’d go the rest of his life without acting like a fool and trying to steal his Commander’s attention, lesson learned._

_Matter of fact, he’d be a better Jedi too; he’d meditate without seeing the look of wonder on Cody’s face after the fireworks show at the senate building. (Color exploded into the sky and Cody stared up into it, mouth agape,_ he looks beautiful _, Obi-wan thought,_ he’s beautiful. _)_

_No. He’d detach himself completely, he’d float off and Cody would only be something that happened once and a very long time ago. They had no future together, they barely had a present, he should have stopped this earlier, it should never have gotten to this point. There was no version of this in which they made it out together, they were a product of war._

_All the screaming and moaning and clatter of his panicked thoughts reached a crescendo as Cody began to wake up. He braced for the fall, for Cody to recoil in shock and jump from the bed, for the ending_.

_Cody swung an arm over his waist and pulled him in close. The Galaxy did not fall to chaos._

_The sun coming in from the window was butter yellow, sometimes flickering as ships passed by. The sheets of his bed had never been so soft, and his pillow was big enough for two, that wasn’t something he’d ever noticed._

_There were occasional muffled voices as people passed through the halls of the temple dorms, most Jedi were awake at the crack of dawn. The other sounds from outside were nothing out of the ordinary, engines growling and horns beeping in the morning traffic. Cody was warm, his hands were big and calloused, he nuzzled in and tucked his face against Obi-wan’s neck._

Oh fuck, _he thought, as Cody held him tight,_ oh fuck, who am I kidding?

 _His pounding heartbeat began to slow as clarity returned. He was not a disgrace to the Jedi Order, and this was not his ‘commanding officer’ in his bed. It was Cody. Cody who he’d been wanting to wake up next to for months and would be an idiot to turn away. Cody, who reached for people when he got excited and always cried a little when he laughed. Who was terminally sweet and reacted with surprise to every story Rex told him, even if he’d already heard it. Who once fixed the collar of Obi-wan’s robes with careful nervous hands, and said softly, ‘_ You look nice _.’_

_Obi-wan flipped over, pushed himself up on one elbow, and kissed the closest thing he could find, which happened to be Cody’s shoulder. It was only a messy press of the lips, and yet it felt like pleading, it felt like getting down on his knees with clasped hands and begging._

_“Mm.” Cody lifted his hand to tangle in Obi-wan’s hair, “Morning to you too.”_

_He didn’t trust himself not to say what he was thinking, so he kept his mouth busy by kissing all the way down Cody’s shoulder till he reached his neck._

_“Wait,” Cody rumbled, “Hold that thought.”_

_The moment snapped in half and Obi-wan watched in horror as Cody pulled away and hauled himself up off the bed. The sudden lack of contact hit him like a bucket of cold water, “Where are you going?”_

_Cody yawned and stumbled over the mess of clothes on the floor, “Gonna freshen up.”_

_"What?”_

_"I wanna kiss you.”_

_Obi-wan had to sit and ponder for a while until the meaning reached him. “Oh, yes. I should-good idea.” Cody was a gentleman; this did not come as a surprise._

_He brushed his teeth with Cody standing next to him. The refresher in his quarters was small and they had to stand shoulder to shoulder, he could feel himself leaning. Cody kept his eyes closed as he washed up, still too sleepy to really look at anything. It was stupidly cute and Obi-wan took his hand to lead him back to the bedroom, not wanting him to trip on anything._

_The bed hadn't gone cold in their absence, and he sighed as they sunk back in together._

_"Is this when we panic?” Cody asked, voice gruff._

_Obi-wan let himself be pulled back into Cody’s arms and hummed with content, “Believe me, I already did.”_

_“Oh? Any revelations?”_

_“Nothing much,” he went back to lazily kissing Cody’s neck, “I think I was planning on kicking you out of here like the cruel man I am, maybe renewing my vow of celibacy, something like that.”_

_"You can kick me out if you want,” Cody’s laugh was deeper than usual and one of his hands found Obi-wan’s hip, “But please, anything but holy vows-”_

_“I knew it,” he nipped at Cody’s jawline, “You only wanted me for my body.”_

_Cody chuckled and tipped his head back, opening up to Obi-wan’s attack, “Yeah, that’s what it was.”_

_Obi-wan was all at once very thankful to be lying down, he could feel the vibrations of Cody’s laugh against his lips and he wasn’t sure his legs worked anymore._

_"C’mere.”_

_He didn’t need to be asked twice, quickly abandoning the red mark he’d been working on and falling back into his pillow._

_Cody smiled sleepily and shuffled closer to bump their foreheads together, “Honestly, you alright with this?”_

_“It’s…not what I’m used to,” he admitted, his very recent panic still fresh in his mind, “But I’d tell you if I wanted to stop.”_

_Cody nodded and his smile spread, “Good. And if there’s anything I can do to make it easier, anything,” he slipped a finger under the elastic band of Obi-wan’s boxers, his face the picture of innocence, “Just let me know.”_

_“Oh, very subtle.” He laughed despite himself, “While we’re at it, you have a fantastic ass.”_

_Cody’s eyes went wide and he surged forward, swallowing Obi-wan’s laughter into a kiss._

_The sunlight, the slide of silk sheets on his skin, Cody pressing up close and tasting like toothpaste, it was all so dizzying, he felt drunk on it._

-

There was dirt on his hands. The one that had been cut by Rex was hanging off the side of the couch and held a bone-deep hurt. He’d fallen asleep in his clothes which left him sweaty and uncomfortable, the couch cushion was itchy against his cheek. 

He sat up slowly, it was bright out and the light was hard on his eyes. The cut on his palm screeched each time he moved it, so he used his good hand to rub at his face. He wasn’t hungover which was the only good news, just tired, so tired. 

He washed his hands until the water ran red from the still fresh wound, it was probably infected now, he should have thought about that. Next came his clothes which he stripped off and threw somewhere near his laundry. He tried to wash up quickly, the water was too cold, must have fallen victim to the night’s frost.

It was a normal desert day but there was a chill in him, a wet chill, the kind that mold liked. The warmest clothes he had were a pair of cotton trousers and a sweater he’d bought from a vendor in Mos Eisley, there was a hole near the shoulder. He rubbed heat back into his hands and arms while the caff brewed and was happy to let the mug burn his fingertips after it was filled.

He shuffled into the living room and tucked himself into a dusty armchair. Rex had left quietly and without a proper goodbye. Other than the extra dish in the sink and a few bootprints near the door there wasn’t much evidence of his visit. Cody would have been upset that they hadn’t parted on better terms. 

Obi-wan fought back a yawn and stared out the window to the midday sun. Anger was most likely the source of his fatigue, it wasn’t something he felt very often and the ghost of it still tugged at his mind. His caff grew cold faster than he could drink it and he found himself walking out the front door and revving his speeder.

The dunes flew by and sand stung at his eyes, the sweater he had on puffed out behind him and he probably looked just as ridiculous as he felt. He’d told Yashotta he’d be by around one to drop off some fruit, and while he was empty-handed, he still had an appointment to keep. 

It wasn’t long till her property grew on the horizon and he could make out her hazy silhouette in the front yard. Her house was about the same size as his, but so much nicer, she knew how to make the most out of a place. The kitchen always had some wonderful scent wafting out of it that you could enjoy from the flower framed patio out back. Her front yard was nice too, she mostly grew all her vegetables there, trusting her neighbors not to steal.

Obi-wan hopped off his speeder when he got close and walked the rest of the distance to her front gate. He had no idea what he was going to say, the numbness from the quiet morning hadn’t left him.

Yashotta waved and held up a particularly fat onion for his viewing pleasure, “Afternoon Ben.”

He returned the gesture weakly and set the brake on his speeder. He could feel her scrutiny already but kept calm, other than the easily explainable bandage on his hand there wasn’t any cause for alarm. 

“So?” She asked, “Anythin good at the market?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Ah, too bad.” She shrugged and went back to cleaning the dirt off her onions, “Just here to raid my kitchen then?”

He folded his hands into the sleeves of his sweater, there was still that chill, “I could do with some tea, if you’re not too busy.”

“Tea? In this heat?” She huffed, “Maybe you are an old man.”

“Maybe.”

She threw her onion into the basket and raised an eyebrow, “Caught a cold or somethin? I’ve got honey for the throat.”

“I-actually, I wouldn’t mind that.” His smile felt painted on, there had been dirt on his hands when he woke, Rex left without saying goodbye.

“Alright, tea for you, lemonade for me.” She dusted her hands off and beckoned him into the house, “How’s the week been? Marigolds catching any of this frost?”

He relaxed only a touch as the warmth of her house settled in around him, “Nothing out of the ordinary, I think I finally got the dune lizard recipe right.”

“Good, good.” She tossed a look back at him before heading to the kitchen, “If it’s really a cold you’ve got, ya better not give it me ya hear?" 

“I’ll do my best.” He assured her, turning his back as she busied herself with the kettle.

He let himself indulge as Yashotta clattered about in the other room and leaned in to squint at some of the photos lining the walls. Most were of other Togruta, with the only familiar faces being Yashotta herself, and the sister who only appeared in the most faded photographs, bright-eyed and grinning. 

Obi-wan’s favorite picture was above the fireplace, Yashotta had her face covered mid-laugh, she wore a blue dress and Henry was waving at the camera. 

“That’s an old one.”

His ears reddened as she appeared beside him, he hadn’t heard her footsteps, “Sorry, I was just-” 

“No, no, go ahead,” she plucked the photo off the mantle and handed it to him, “Not tryin to hide em am I?” 

The frame was heavy in his hands and Henry waved up at him, they both looked so young. “What were you laughing at?” 

“To be honest, don’t really remember.” Yashotta tilted her head to admire the photo and a smile ghosted over her face, “But that were around the time we got engaged, I was laughin all the time.” 

The kettle began to whistle and he returned the couple to their position over the fireplace. He didn’t have pictures of anyone, not that it would have made him feel any better. 

Yashotta hurried back into the kitchen and returned with a steaming mug and a jar of honey. “Sit down,” she grumbled, setting the mug on the coffee table and nodding to an armchair, “Ya don’t look good.” 

He didn’t bother defending himself, it was easier to do as he was told. He perched himself on the edge of the chair and focused on the golden honey pouring from his spoon into the tea. 

Yashotta watched him carefully, lifting the cool of her glass to her forehead and narrowing her eyes, “Cut yer hand?” 

“Slip up in the kitchen,” he replied, “Nothing I couldn’t handle.”

She hummed, unimpressed, “Gonna tell me what’s eatin ya, or do I have to ask?” 

He blew the steam off his mug and stole a glance at her, everything felt off, Rex could have visited months ago for all he knew. 

She wove the tip of her lekk between her fingers as her expression shifted from annoyance to worry, “Alright, now you’ve got me thinkin someone died.” 

He thought momentarily of calming her with the force and nearly recoiled with disgust, even entertaining such an idea was deplorable. “I just…didn’t sleep very well last night.”

“And I’m in the prime of my life, we can lie to each other all day.” 

“Really I’m-” 

“Can ask me for help ya know, not just company.” Her tone was firm but lacking any real scorn, “I’ll keep feedin ya, keep givin ya chores to do, I will, but ya shut me out sometimes, it’s hard to watch.” 

Her honesty stung him back into silence. Why had he come?

“Here’s the real of it Ben,” Yashotta pushed on, “I’ve been here a good long time, and it’s not often someone stops to ask my name. Yer a strange man, and I see that, but I ain’t ever been scared of ya, yer kind and that’s what matters.” She opened her palms to him, searching for his level, “I’m glad I met ya and I’m glad we’re friends, but, I’d like to know ya happy one day, be nice to see ya happy.”

After Rex left for good, Obi-wan had stumbled into the backyard and ripped the Marigolds up from the dirt. It was ugly and violent and hadn’t fixed anything. He was still on Tatooine, Rex and Ahsoka were in danger that he could not protect them from, and all that love he’d given Anakin just hadn’t been enough.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t always like this.”

Yashotta sighed and reclined back into her cushions, “Well, never met the old you, think I prefer this one.”

“Thank you,” his smile still felt stiff, “I’m glad someone does.”

Her eyes flicked briefly to the photo over the fireplace and then back to Obi-wan, waiting.

He’d been avoiding it, but he did know why he had come despite the madness of the night before. He was, and now always would be, just a man in the desert. Talking to a friend would not bring inescapable violence to her life, he didn’t have that power anymore. Rex had gone and taken all the danger with him.

“There was a man I knew, I worked with him during the war.” He gripped the mug for support, “I’ve mentioned him before.”

Her montrals shifted, just like Ahsoka when she’d get excited or tired, two quick twitches. “The one you’ve been talkin to in the garden?”

“Yes, his name is Cody.” This was easy, he told himself, he was just talking to a friend, “We were very close and yet, of all the people I’ve lost in the past few years he’s been the easiest to-I don’t know, it’s only him I’ve been talking to.”

“Because it’s easy?”

The tea was sweet, the honey was perfect, “I wouldn’t say that, I miss him terribly but, out of everyone-Gods, he’s the only one I can bear." 

Yashotta’s brow drew in and her eyes went back to his bandaged hand, “Said ya worked with him?”

“He was a fellow teacher, I only knew him for three years.” He had to drop his eyes down to the floor, “That was enough, though.”

“Enough?" 

He chuckled, “Enough to want more.”

Her face lightened at his laughter and she went back to nursing her lemonade, “Must have been some fella.”

“He was, and I think you two would have gotten along. I tell him all about you.”

Her eyes narrowed, “Only good things I hope.”

“Naturally.” He could feel the tips of his fingers again, “Anyway I-last night, I heard from an old friend, he wasn’t doing very well, he asked for my help and it was-” Too real, sad, wonderful, not long enough. “A harsh reminder.” He decided.

She groaned, “Ah, ya can’t be given yerself a hard time over someone else’s problems.” 

“I know, I do, but he wasn’t asking for money or anything like that, he was genuinely in danger.” Obi-wan swallowed hard, no tears just yet, he was getting this out, “He was scared and, I’ve always made myself someone he could turn to when he felt that way.”

“ _Why?_ ” Rex had asked, “ _What makes this better?_ ”

“I did what I had to of course, I explained why I was here, why I couldn’t do anything for him.” He wanted to wash his hands again, just in case there was still a trace of dirt, “But watching him leave, it just got me thinking. Other than Cody, there’s not a single person I haven’t failed.”

Her shoulders fell, “Ben, I know it feels that way sometimes but-”

“No, really,” he thought of Anakin, squeezing Padmé’s throat and not caring that it hurt her, “There’s mistakes I've made that no one should ever forgive themselves for, everyone I ever met, ever cared for, I let them down, I still am.”

“Everyone?”

His heart clenched, clarity was a cancer, “Everyone but him, Cody’s the last person I should be talking to, or trying to find peace with but I’m-I’m scared.” He looked up then, to Henry waving from the fireplace and all the pictures of people he’d never know, “He’s holding me back, I think.”

-

_Cody was developing wrinkles at the sides of his eyes; they deepened every time he laughed._

_Obi-wan thought sometimes about what those lines would look like in ten years’ time, how he’d do anything to see Cody grow old._

-

“I miss him, I miss him just like I miss everyone else but, _Force_ , when it comes to Cody, I don’t regret it, isn’t that awful?” His eyes stung with tears and the force pressed in around him, “I should be trying to face my failures, I’m here to redeem myself, and yet all I’ve done these past few months is reminisce about an affair. I’m not proud of that.”

Yashotta studied him from across the coffee table, for a long horrible moment she wore the same heavy stare that Master Qui-Gon used to get after meditating.

Shame boiled through him, what would his Master think of him now? “I wasn’t always like this.” He told her for the second time, just so she knew, just so he could be sure.

“Son,” she said, “You’ve got all the time ya need to say yer goodbyes out here in the desert, I don’t think it’s a bad thing that yer startin with someone like him." 

He traced the rim of his mug with a fingertip and tried to swallow down the tightness in his throat. Henry waved from the fireplace.

“It takes ages to get over losin somebody, believe me, and yer sayin ya want to grieve everyone you’ve ever known all at once?” Her eyes softened, and suddenly she looked nothing like his Master, “That’s too much Ben, that’s too much to be takin on right now. This Cody, he’s not holdin ya back, he’s takin care of ya.”

Obi-wan sat very still and didn’t notice that Yashotta had gotten up to give him a tissue until she was right beside him and her hand was on his shoulder. Other than Rex punching him, it was the first time someone had touched him in years.

“Stayin for dinner?” She asked. 

He nodded; dinner sounded nice.

She caramelized the onion from her garden and put it on some sandwiches with tomatoes and cheese. They ate outside while the suns fell slowly to the horizon and talked about how annoying it was when sand got in the drinking water. Obi-wan hugged her goodbye and left before it got too dark, she gave him an onion of his own to take home. 

-

He brought a lantern out to his garden that night. The scene was just as bad as he’d feared it would be. The marigolds were dead, a whole day left lying under the suns with no soil to hide their roots in had been more than enough. He swept the scattered potting soil to the side and gathered the limp bunches of flowers up from where he’d thrown them.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, as orange petals began to detach and flutter away into the breeze, “I’m sorry, I just got angry.”

His apologies fell heavy to the dusty floor of his hut and no one heard them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what if I was a jedi general and you were my clone commander and we caught feelings and slept together and then we woke up and I told you your ass was "fantastic" and we were both boys 😳😳
> 
> aha just kidding .... unless? 
> 
> ok all jokes aside thank you so much for reading and leaving comments, I'm so sorry it took me like 2 weeks to reply on my last chapter, I was a real mess lmao love you all!!


	7. Marigolds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I didn't respond to every comment on the last chapter I read them all and I love you for reading!! I will probably go back and respond this weekend! 
> 
> thanks to @thanksveryga and @kitcatkim for beta reading!!
> 
> Also I’m always around on tumblr @cafffine to talk about Clone Wars and codywan headcanons 👀

**[Translation of: The** **University of Sanbra** **’s** **first edition** **_Guide to the Flora of Southern Balith_** **, pg. 16]**

 **Marigolds –** **These lively flowers grow in the foothills of southern Balith every spring. They come in bright shades of orange and yellow, enjoy full sun, moist soil, and are not edible to humans.**

-

He sat in Ahsoka’s tent and let Wolffe pour him a drink. His clothes were damp from the walk back from the ship, but he couldn’t be bothered.

“It’s actually not a very long story,” Ahsoka laughed, “Barriss just sort of ran into him during that raid we set up on the Trial.” 

Wolffe snorted and threw back his second shot, “And yes, she did try to kill him first.” 

“Oh, leave her alone she didn’t know.” 

“Didn’t know?” Wolffe squawked, “You’re defending her now?” 

“No I’m-well-no, we’re not talking about this right now.” Ahsoka adjusted her headband and turned away from Wolffe in a huff, “ _Anyway_ , Cody’s chip was deactivated when she found him so all he had to do was catch a ride back here.” 

Wolffe shook his head, “Still don’t know how he managed it, just malfunctioned I guess.” 

Cody nodded stiffly, his eyes on the toes of his boots, “Yeah, just went off one day.” 

“Brought some friends with him too,” Wolffe stuck a smoke between his lips and let it hang, “You know an ARF named Hound? Said he served on the guard - one of Fox’s boys.” 

“Um,” Rex swallowed hard, “I don’t know.” 

Ahsoka frowned, “You better not light that in here.” 

Wolffe gasped and the smoke fell onto his chest, “You’re gonna make me go stand out in the rain? Me? An old man?” 

“Damn right I am, this is my tent.” 

“Since when do you curse?”

“You got an extra?” Rex stood up too fast and his chair rattled across the floor, “Don’t worry I’ll ah - I’ll go outside.” 

Wolffe raised an eyebrow, “And since when do _you_ smoke? What are we turning into?” 

“It was a long flight.” Rex held his hand out, “I’ll pay you back.” 

Silence fell as Wolffe considered the offer, exposing Rex’s heavy breathing and the nervous jostle of Cody’s bouncing leg. Ahsoka’s montrals betrayed her calm demeanor and twitched out of sync, she downed a shot of whisky without flinching. 

“Don’t worry about it.” Wolffe plucked a smoke from behind his ear and dropped it into Rex’s waiting palm, “We’ll call it even after that business with the Nautolan, yeah?”

“Thanks.” Rex swiped a box of matches off Ahsoka’s desk and left without another word.

“ _Kark_ ,” he heard Wolffe say as he stalked off towards the nearest awning, “what’s gotten into-” he didn’t catch the rest of it, thank the Gods. 

The rain was cold and still coming down steady, he fit the smoke between his teeth and let the shiver he’d been holding back ripple through his shoulders. The first match he lit blew out in the wind and the second burnt the tip of his thumb, “Fucks sake,” he growled, “C’mon.”

“Hey, everything alright?” 

His heart clenched so tight he couldn’t breathe for a second, it was like seeing a ghost. “Yeah.” He heard himself say, “Yeah, don’t worry.”

Cody stumbled to a stop, closer than Rex would have liked, “Okay, I won’t.”

He pressed down too hard on his third match, it snapped before he could light it. He got the next one going but only made it halfway to his mouth before it blew out.

“Want help with that?” Cody asked, earnest as ever. 

Rex hesitated; he didn’t know which was worse: Cody thinking he was a smoker, or admitting that he couldn’t light a match.

Cody decided for him and reached out silently for the box. Sparks flew with a practiced flick of his wrist and he curved his hand around the flame, shielding it from the wind, “There we go.” 

Rex leaned forward and let the end of the smoke burn under Cody’s protection. The first drag was hot and he fought hard not to cough, it tasted horrible. 

“Those’ll kill you,” Cody warned, “be careful.” 

He nodded and blew smoke out of his nose like he’d seen Wolffe do. 

Cody passed the matchbox between his hands and scanned the darkened wall of tents, “I know you had – I know this is a lot but, it’s really good to see you, it’s uh, it’s really-ah, shit.” The matches tumbled out of Cody’s hands and he dropped down to pick them up, it wasn’t much use though, they’d scattered all over. 

Rex meant to bend down and help him, he really did, but for some reason he just stood there like an idiot and watched his brother pick through the mud with shaky hands. The tobacco and whatever else Wolffe had rolled was starting to make the top of his head tingle, the effect was unpleasant.

Cody stood up and wiped his hands down the front of his shirt, “Sorry, I’ll tell her it was my fault.”

“It’s fine.” 

“Yeah, well.” 

He looked away but could still feel Cody’s eyes on him, how much did he know? What had Ahsoka told him? 

“I’m really amazed,” Cody said, gesturing awkwardly to the night, “all this stuff you’ve built here, Empire oughta’ be scared.” 

Rex threw the half-used smoke to the ground and stomped it out with his heel, “I should get some sleep.” It came out harsher than he intended. 

“Sorry,” Cody mumbled, “didn’t mean to-”

“No it’s-”

“It’s alright, you had a rough week, I get it.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Rex scrubbed a hand through the wet fuzz of his hair, the silence was uncomfortable, the rain was soaking through to his skin. 

On the flight home, when his back was aching from his fight with Obi-wan, and his head was numb with thoughts of General Skywalker’s orphaned son, he’d wished, as he often did, that Cody was there to comfort him. He’d imagined that he was flying back to Coruscant and Cody would be waiting for him in the rec room of the barracks with a warm hug and a mug of whatever funny tea General Kenobi had given him that week. He’d thought that surely, if Cody was there, he’d know what to do, he always did.

But he hadn’t meant it, or if he had he wanted to take it back because this? His brother - the man that Obi-wan had been wishing he was not twenty-four hours ago - standing in the rain and looking older than he ever had? He’d never wish for this; he’d take another beating in an alley before he wished for something like this. 

Cody smiled at him because he didn’t know a damn thing, “I could walk you back to your tent.” 

“No, I’m – thanks, I’ll be fine.” He managed a weak smile in return and forced his feet to step away. It would have been nicer to give Cody another hug, and maybe if Cody had held his arms out, he would have done it. Instead he turned and braced himself against the wind, keeping his head down as he walked.

“Goodnight!” Cody called out after him, “Get some sleep!” 

He didn’t look back, just picked his pace up and crossed his arms tight to keep the chill out. He was still wishing that Cody was there. Not the real one, not the stranger he was running away from, just whatever idealized memory he liked to wish for when he got scared.

\- 

_Jesse caught his arm as he shoved passed in the crowded corridor, “Hey, comin out tonight Captain?”_

_Rex didn’t bother trying to hide his annoyance, he was in a hurry, “No, I’m working on the Balith report, still waiting on your half Sergeant.”_

_“Right, right.” Jesse shrugged and dropped his hand, “Well, we’re leaving at eight but Hardcase is having drinks in his bunk at seven if you wanna stop by for the pre-game.”_

_“Drinks in the-who approved that?”_

_“Uh, well, I think-”_

_Kix groaned and stepped hastily between the two of them, “Sorry for bothering you Captain, he’ll have that report ready by the morning.”_

_Jesse’s shoulders drooped in defeat as Kix dragged him off, “Why’d you tell him that? I’m gonna be plastered.”_

_Rex pretended not to hear that last part, for Jesse’s sake._

_The wait for the elevator was excruciating, the entire 501_ _st_ _and the better half of the 212_ _th_ _had the weekend off which could only spell complete chaos for the following 42 hours. Rex himself planned on sleeping and catching up on holo-dramas with Commander Tano - if she wasn’t too busy._

_The elevator doors opened at last to a group of men arguing loudly about the exact timing of happy hour at 79’s. Rex stepped awkwardly between them and folded his hands behind his back. He wasn’t going to be the one to break the bad news, but happy hour was from five to six pm, they’d missed it already._

_Upon his escape from the elevator, he began making his way carefully and methodically through the hallways of the barracks, it was nights like this he sometimes felt like a tourist in some wild jungle. The noise was reaching dangerous levels and nearly every door was thrown open, allowing the steady flow of men in various states of dress and sobriety better access to each other’s wardrobes and iceboxes._

_It was nice to see them so excited, Rex would allow them that, but he’d never understand the allure of getting all dressed up only to waste hard-earned credits on watered-down Spotchka and a drunken taxi ride home._

_“Wait! Rex!”_

_He stopped dutifully and backtracked to the source of the voice._

_“Does this shirt go with the pants?” Fives draped himself against the door frame, modeling his navy tunic and stark white trousers for all to see._

_Rex stared blankly at him, not blinking as Fives struck another pose._

_“Also are you coming for drinks later? Hardcase is doing-”_

_“I’ve heard, I think I’ll pass.” He summoned up his most apologetic smile and pretended to get a message on his holo-pad, “It's uh, a nice shirt. White pants are dangerous though, don’t spill anything on them.”_

_“Damn, good point, Sir.”_

_Rex gave him a tired salute and resumed his forward march to the stairwell. This was Cody’s fault, it always took at least half an hour to get to the Commander’s wing from the main dorms._

_He checked his holo-pad again, his message was still unanswered._

Codes – coming by your room, still have that book I lent you?

-R

_He frowned and pushed his way past the heavy door to the stairs, no more crowded elevators, thank you very much. He typed another message as he ascended to the upper floor:_

If you’re out can I just pop in and grab my book? At the stairs now.

-R

_Cody was such an awful brother; he always answered his messages late and claimed to have missed them. His comm was attached to his arm, he didn’t miss them, he ignored them._

_Rex sighed and stepped out into the silence of the Commander’s wing; it was a relative slice of heaven compared to the insanity of the floors below. His favorite part was that the doors weren’t inches apart like the postage-stamp-sized rooms he and the other men had to live with. Or maybe it was that Commander’s rooms came with their own refresher, maybe that was his favorite part._

_His boots clicked across the spotless floor until he came to a halt outside the door reading ‘CC-2224’ in a finely carved script. He’d have his number engraved on a door one day, ‘_ _CC-7567’, wouldn’t that be something._

_He flicked his holo-pad on, Cody still hadn’t answered him, bastard was probably out with Fox and his expensive brandy again._

_He waited a full thirty seconds before sending his final warning:_

You didn’t answer me so I’m taking that as a yes, won’t touch anything.

-R 

_If Cody didn’t want him going into his room he wouldn’t have given him the door code. And besides, that was Rex’s book, what did Cody need with a flower guide to Balith?_

_Mind made up, he gave the hallway a final sweep before ducking his head and typing Cody’s combination into the lock pad._

_1-5-2-9._

_He smiled as the lock clicked open and the door handle loosened in his grip. Maybe Cody wasn’t completely awful, Wolffe would have given him fake numbers. He entered silently, catching the door before it banged shut behind him. His book was probably on the nightstand or the desk, shouldn’t be too hard to find._

_He had only just begun his search before he froze, his suspicion piqued. He gave it a second more and, yes, there was definitely muffled laughter coming from behind the bedroom door. Whatever newfound fondness he’d developed for his brother dissipated and he balled his hands into tight fists._ That karking asshole _, he thought,_ that sorry excuse for a Commander _, he wasn’t out for drinks, no, he was sitting in his bedroom ignoring Rex’s messages like he always did, unbelievable._

_Rex turned on his heels and directed all his suppressed fury at the faded light visible under Cody’s bedroom door. Was it really so hard to take one second and answer your brother’s messages, especially on a night off? He cleared the distance to the door in two strides and didn’t bother knocking, Cody was gonna hear it, once and for all._

_“VOD!” Rex shouted, bursting headlong into the bedroom, “I swear to-oh.”_

_Cody was kneeling on the ground. General Kenobi was there._

_“Oh my.”_

_“Rex?”_

_He clapped a hand over his eyes and stumbled backward into the doorframe, “I’m-oh kriff.”_

_“Captain?” General Kenobi said, the real General Kenobi, who was in Cody’s bedroom._

_Rex was in danger of toppling over and was forced to peek between his fingers at the floor._

_“What the fuck?” Cody choked out, his voice going shrill, “Rex what-?”_

_“I’m ah-” He could feel his lungs contracting in panic, he wanted to run but his legs weren’t listening to him._

_“Rex?”_

_“Sorry, my mistake, sorry!” He somehow made it past the door frame and back into Cody’s office without looking at anything but the tops of his boots._

_"C_ _ody,” General Kenobi stuttered, “Cody should you-?”_

_“Just-kark. Obi get dressed.”_

_Rex shook his head violently, he did not just hear that, he heard nothing._

_“Vod.”_

_“No.” Rex shook his head again, which way was the door?_

_“Vod hold on-”_

_The door was to his right, he ran blindly at it._

_Cody lunged after him and caught him in the midsection, “Wait!”_

_Rex still had a hand over his eyes and tripped messily into the floor, “Get off me!” He shrieked, “Let me out!”_

_“Shut up!” Cody dropped down and swatted the back of his head with far more force than was necessary, “For the love of God, don’t start screaming, I’ll kill you.”_

_Rex folded up in defense and threw his arms over his head, he was burning up, his ears were on fire._

_Cody sighed and slumped down on the floor to watch him suffer, “That’s it.” He deadpanned, “Keep breathing.”_

_The carpet pressed into his forehead and the pounding of his own frantic heartbeat filled his ears. He’d jumped out of ships without a parachute, been shot half to death, faced down Sith lords, the works. And yet nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared him for whatever this was._

_“Rex,” Cody said, calm as could be, “what the kriff are you doing in my room?”_

_“I don’t-” Rex groaned, he was gonna be sick, “I wanna leave.”_

_“Can’t let you do that.”_

_“I didn’t see anything.”_

_“Pretty sure you did.”_

_Rex’s stomach flipped and he shuddered, he was pretty sure he saw something too._

_“Okay, get your face off the floor, c’mon.” Cody reached over and tugged at his chest guard, “Kriff, you’re gonna pass out, it’s not that bad.”_

_Knowing Cody was stronger and could wipe the floor with him in a wrestling match, Rex opted for speed and shot across the floor to the opposite wall._

_Cody glared at him, unimpressed, “Are you really gonna be like this?”_

_Rex lifted a trembling finger to the bedroom door, “What’s he doing in there Codes?”_

_“Kark, how old are you? What do you think?”_

_“Should I stay in here?” General Kenobi asked, from somewhere in the bedroom, “Would that-?”_

_“Yes.” Cody snapped, “Gods, yes. Don’t do anything.”_

_“Understood."_

_Rex let his head roll back until it knocked against the wall. For the first time in his life, he prayed for one of Fox’s code reds. Maybe a fire, a sudden attack - no casualties of course - on the senate that would require his immediate attention. He’d even settle for getting shot and being sent to the med bay._

_Cody directed a withering glance to the bedroom door before locking back onto Rex, “You’re not leaving until you talk to me.”_

_“I just want my book back.”_

_“Kark, are you-?” Cody’s composure crumbled back down and he threw his hands up, “Is that really what you broke in here for?"_

_Rex held a hand up, it seemed defense was the only tactic, “I did not ‘break in,’ you gave me your door code.”_

_“Fine!” Cody shot back, “But you didn’t need to burst into my bedroom when I’m very clearly-”_

_“Don’t,” Rex pleaded, “I don’t want to hear it.”_

_“You could have knocked at least! I mean, common courtesy, vod.”_

_“I didn’t-!” He paused to gasp for air and run his hands over his head a few times, this was a new emotion, whatever it was, it was new. “I would have, but I just thought you were-I didn’t-I didn’t know you were the type to…”_

_“Type to what?” Cody laughed sharply, “You didn’t know I was the type to have sex with people?”_

_“Oh,” Rex moaned, dropping his burning face back into his hands, “I can’t do this, oh Gods, I just-let me leave.”_

_“Fucking hell, Rex. Are you crying?”_

_He drew his knees up against his chest and collapsed forward. He wasn’t crying, but once the Republic threw Cody in prison, or had him executed for his crimes, maybe then he’d cry._

_“I can’t stand you sometimes, you know that?”_

_He kicked a leg out violently in Cody’s direction, “I hate you.”_

_Cody chuckled, “Yeah, interrupt me when I’m on my knees again and I’ll hate you right back.”_

_“Don’t-!” Rex switched his hands to his ears and pressed down hard, “That’s not funny.”_

_He sat in muffled silence and watched as Cody hauled himself to his feet and shuffled over. His chances of escape had dropped to zero, he was probably going to die there. Cody slid down the wall and came to rest beside him, he wasn’t wearing a shirt which was, well, he didn’t want to think about it._

_“Okay, put your hands down.” Cody reached over and flicked the end of his pauldron, “Hey, you hear me? I’m being serious now.”_

_Rex kept his eyes forward but did as he was told._

_Cody sat with him for a bit, he stretched his sock feet out next to Rex’s boots, and like always, he was just the tiniest bit taller._

_“So?” Cody asked._

_Rex pressed his hands together and kept his voice low, “Are you sleeping with General Kenobi?”_

_“Yes.”_

_For some reason, he’d still been hoping for a different answer. “Since when?”_

_“Couple months.”_

_Couple months? He wished he could sink right through the floor. “And he’s not…he’s not making you do anything, right?” Rex was fairly certain he would not be able to take General Kenobi in a fight, but for Cody’s honor, he’d have no choice but to try._

_“No, we’re both ah, consenting adults here.” Cody shifted awkwardly and straightened his back out, “Thanks for asking though.”_

_Only slightly relieved, Rex moved on to the next worst scenario, “You in love with him or something?”_

_Cody hesitated, he almost answered._

_Rex wished he had gone and gotten wasted with Jesse._

_“Vod, look at me.”_

_He dropped his eyes down to his lap, his heart sinking fast. The only thing he’d ever really been sure of was that mistakes were his to make, and Cody’s to clean up. But now, if that wasn’t true, and Cody really was just as foolish as everyone else, where did that leave him?_

_“Fine,” Cody took a heavy breath, his disappointment barely masked, “just listen then. I’m not panicking, and neither is General Kenobi. Whatever you’re thinking right now, believe me when I say we’ve had the same fears, we know this is dangerous.”_

_“And you’re still doing it?_

_“Hey, c’mon,” Cody bumped their feet together, “don’t get angry. I’m being pretty nice about you breaking into my room.”_

_Rex kicked him back, “I didn’t break-in.”_

_“Okay you-_ kark _you’re such a brat. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is: I know what I’m doing.”_

_Rex wasn’t angry, he was scared, but being angry was easier. “So you know what’ll happen if you get caught?”_

_“I do.” Cody said, “And I don’t care.”_

_“Well-” Rex dug his fingers into the soft spot between his armor pieces, right above the knee, “Well I care, and I don’t like this.”_

_“I know you don’t, and I’m not angry because you're just worried about me.” Cody had a strange way of talking sometimes, like he was telling you to calm down without actually saying it, “But I need you to know I’m not gonna stop.”_

_He avoided Cody’s eye by staring up at the window to his left, the stars were blotched out by Coruscant’s smog. Maybe it was selfish to be taking something like this personally, but couldn’t Cody have just chosen someone normal? How would he like it if Rex started making eyes at General Skywalker?_

_“He makes me happy; I like to think you’d want that for me.”_

_“You weren’t happy before? With your brothers?” Rex clenched his jaw shut tight and kept his eyes on the hazy night sky, it was a mean thing to say, he hated being mean._

_“Rex’ika,” Cody said, his voice so frustratingly soft in the face of Rex’s anger, “I don’t need your permission, or anything like that - I know you won’t tell anyone either way. But this is important to me. It would mean a lot if you were on board.”_

_All at once he was ready, vindicated, fully prepared to let Cody know where he could stick it, him and his oh-so-important, and very illegal sexual affair. But just as he was wheeling around, blasters fully loaded, something caught his eye, stopped him dead in his tracks. He stuttered, staring ahead in bewilderment, words catching in his throat. There was a chair in the corner of Cody’s office, and right in the middle of it, face up and waiting, was Rex’s first edition_ Guide to the Flora of Southern Balith _._

_There were a lot of awful things he’d learned to live with, but disappointing Cody, that was a step too far. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled, “I shouldn’t have broken into your room.”_

_“It’s alright,” Cody shrugged, “I gave you the door code.”_

_Rex pushed himself up shakily and walked over to the chair. His book was in good condition, no dog-eared pages like Bly liked to leave, no caff stains on the cover. “Why’d you want this one anyway?”_

_“Oh,” Cody huffed, suddenly embarrassed, “Obi-wan likes flowers, uh, I was gonna try to learn the names of a few, to impress him I guess.”_

_Rex nodded, choosing to ignore how strange it was to hear his brother use the name ‘Obi-wan’ so casually, “Did it work?”_

_“Nah, I forgot the book when we left, it’s been on that chair the whole time.”_

_“Oh, nice going.” He turned it over in his hands, there was a picture of lilacs on the back. “You know anything about flowers?”_

_“…Not really.”_

_“And he still likes you?”_

_Cody smiled the biggest, dumbest, smile Rex had ever seen, “Yeah, can you believe it? I think he still likes me.”_

-

Rex woke from a dreamless sleep to sunlight peeking through the door of his tent and a shirt that smelled like tobacco.

His mind was made up, all uncertainty faded. He’d made a promise to Obi-wan - to General Skywalker - and he intended to keep it.

With that decision out of the way the morning was easy, he was a new man. He changed into better-smelling clothes and when he found Cody in the mess hall, he hugged him for what felt like ten years. 

“Sorry I was – last night, I was really out of it.”

Cody grinned and clapped a warm hand over his shoulder, “Nothing to apologize for, you – do you need something to eat? When was the last time you ate?”

Rex thought about the meal Obi-wan had served him, only for a second, and then he smiled, “No idea.”

He met Rivet, who was annoying, and Hound, who was also annoying. They spoke quickly and made very little sense, not the typical company Cody liked to keep, but these were strange times for everyone. 

“I swear,” Hound insisted, through a mouthful of cereal, “I met you in the Capital, we were after Commander Tano.” 

Rex glanced to Cody for help but received no such luxury, “Sorry trooper, I don’t remember that day very well, a lot was going on.” 

“Huh, maybe it was another blondie then.” 

“Don’t call him that!” Rivet cut in, “He might get offended, I knew a vod with red hair back home, started cryin cause I called him a tomato.” 

“Oh, that’s-” he could feel Cody laughing quietly next to him, “I’m fine with-I’m not offended.” 

Rivet hummed and gave Hound an apologetic pat on the back, “Alright, you can call him blondie, he’s not offended.”

Resigned to his confusion, Rex decided to shut up and eat his breakfast.

\- 

Without admitting it to himself, he kept his distance from Ahsoka’s tent by taking the long way around to his ship. There were still boxes and ammunition in the cargo hold that he hadn’t dealt with the night before. Cody offered to help, and that was that. 

“Where’d you get that shiner?” Cody asked, pointing to his eye, “Run into some trouble on Ryloth?” 

Rex reached up and pressed his fingers gingerly to the bruise, “Yeah, shoulda seen the other guy.” 

“I’ll bet.” 

The silence wasn’t awkward like the night before, Cody was smiling faintly to himself and the rain had left the air smelling fresh and alive. The camp hadn’t changed much in his absence, no new faces other than Cody and his strange sidekicks, no probe droids lurking in the shadows like the month before. 

“You’ve gotten bigger.” Cody remarked, hefting a case of assorted blasters over his shoulder, “In a good way, I mean.”

Rex bristled with pride, had he really? He didn’t feel bigger. 

“I mean it, look at your arms.” Cody reached over and gave his bicep a pinch, “Sheesh, Wolffe should be jealous.”

Rex played it cool despite the swelling in his chest, “Wolffe’s fine, he still gets all the girls, well, still gets everybody. Him and his dumb scar.”

“He still has time for stuff like that?”

“Pretty much all we do is lay low,” he hesitated before closing up the cargo hold, there was something odd in the back, “gotta pass the time somehow.” He squinted and reached into the shadows, “Bastard’s got the whole nursing staff in love with him.”

“Oh Gods,” Cody groaned, “forget I asked.”

“What the…” he cocked his head and kept his back turned. It was a flower. Wedged into the back of his cargo hold, a flower. 

Cody shifted behind him, “Find something?” 

Rex tossed the puff of orange back into the darkness and slammed the hatch shut, “No, let’s head back.”

They had to stop so that Cody could catch his breath and twist his wrists until they popped, it was strange. Rex had seen his brother almost every day of his life up until the past few years, so he’d never really noticed that he was aging. But suddenly, with wrinkles deepening over Cody’s face, a wheeze to his laugh, grey hair spattered through the ever-perfect crew cut, it was all he could see.

They stopped once more before arriving back to the camp, after that the day was painless. It didn’t sound like Cody had been there long, so Rex was happy to give him a tour. They walked slowly and talked about the easy stuff, food, weather, Wolffe being a pain in the ass. Cody did most of the listening, he kept his hands in his pockets and smiled at everything.

Rex’s confidence in his decision grew by the second. Obi-wan had told him that silence would mean protecting Luke, and that was reason enough, but it was more than that. Cody was _his_ brother, _his_ family, what could an old Jedi in the desert say to that? The only place a vod should be was with his brothers.

-

" _Kriff-damn-Rex.”_

_“I told you not to move.” Rex reminded him, “Kix is gonna take care of you.”_

_“Where are you going?"_

_“We’re gonna finish the mission.” His breath ran short as Cody’s grip in his hand tightened,_ he’ll be fine, _he told himself,_ Kix is a good medic, you trust Kix.

_“Rex,” Cody’s eyes fluttered open, full of fear and struggling to focus, “If I don’t make it-”_

_“Don’t say that, kark, you’ll be back at base in two hours.”_

_Cody grimaced and gave his hand another squeeze. Kix had said it was a chest wound paired with head trauma, nothing deadly, very painful._

_Hunter cleared his throat from a couple yards away, “Anytime, Captain.”_

_Rex ignored him, he could wait, asshole._

_“Please,” Cody rasped, “If I don’t survive-”_

_“Vod-”_

_“You have to tell Obi-wan that-”_

_“Stop!” Rex hissed, more aware than ever of the crowd around them, “You’re delirious, just get some rest.” He let go of Cody’s hand and shoved his helmet on, he had a mission to focus on, he didn’t have time for deathbed confessions of the very much alive._

_“Tell him that I-”_

_“Tell him yourself.” Rex barked, too loud, too harsh. He stood up and saluted sharply. Cody didn’t see it; his eyes had fallen shut again._

_“He’ll be just fine, Captain.” He heard Kix say, “Good luck.”_

_Rex nodded curtly and headed off to join the 99’s. It was just a head injury making Cody say those things, but something didn’t sit right. False as it was, Cody had lain there, in what he thought might be his last moments with his dear brother Rex, and he’d thought of General Kenobi._

_Crosshair sneered, “Tuck him in alright? Read a bedtime story?”_

_Rex shoved into him as he passed, his vision nearly white with anger. “Let’s move.”_

_“So touchy.”_

_“Okay,” Hunter growled, “Keep it civil.”_

_Rex pushed ahead blindly into the darkness of the Anaxes jungle. It took everything he had not to turn around and march right back up to Cody,_ I know what you want to tell him, _he’d say,_ but what about me? What do you want to tell me? 

\- 

In two months, Rex became a very good liar. It was easier than he thought it would be, he should have done it years ago. 

When Ahsoka asked about Tatooine he said, “I was there for a week, no sign of anything force related.” 

“Anakin had family there,” she still sounded hopeful, “during the war anyway, did you look-”

“I know,” he sighed, hoping to let her down easy, “I went to Mos Eisley, don’t even think the Skywalkers are living there anymore.”

“Oh.” She breathed in, shaky, “Too bad.” 

“I’m sorry.” He was. 

“It’s okay,” she smiled vacantly, “Just would have been-ah, I don’t know what I was thinking anyway.” 

“Would have been nice.”

She held it together for a moment longer before her face crumpled, “I hate this.”

“I know, hey, ‘Soka.” He reached out and drew her into a hug, she was getting taller, still felt small though.

“I don’t know why I got my hopes up.” She pushed her face into his chest, her montrals poking at his chin, “Now I miss him all over again.” 

He could only hold her, there was nothing left to say about that.

He lied again when Wolffe asked him if he smoked, “Yeah, have for a while.”

“Really? Damn, Kamino must have frozen over.” 

It was such a rush, Wolffe actually bought it, he couldn’t believe it.

Next, he lied to Rivet - Cody’s hyperactive shadow - when he asked if Rex would come to the shooting range with him.

“Sorry kid,” he frowned like he was genuinely sorry, “got a meeting with the boss.”

Rivet huffed and rolled his eyes, “I’m a perfect shot, you’re missing out.”

“I’m sure I am.”

He lied to Gregor about not being around to play sabacc that night, not because he didn’t want to, it was just to see if he could. Gregor didn’t even question him, nothing.

It was almost fun after that. He’d spent his whole life digging himself out of holes that a little dishonesty could have saved him from, but things were different now, things were good.

He told his doctor he was eating right, and lo and behold, they didn’t bother him or give him sour-tasting supplements. He told Henry - the dorky mechanic that he smoked with sometimes - that he was twenty-eight years old because he wasn’t in the mood to explain clone biology for the millionth time. Ahsoka was upset that he and Offee didn’t get along, so when Offee came to the ridiculous conclusion that their contact on Mantell was fake, he agreed (even though she _was_ crazy), and Ahsoka beamed. 

She ran out after him when the meeting dispersed with a spring in her step, “Am I hallucinating or did you and Barriss just go an entire thirty minutes without trading death threats?”

“You’re hallucinating.” He smiled and lit his match on the first try, he was getting better.

“I see, just checking.” She puffed her lip out and made a show of waving away the purple cloud surrounding them, “Do you really smoke now? It’s gross.” 

“I’m not as bad as Wolffe.” 

“That’s a low bar.” 

He shrugged innocently and took another drag, it was gross, he didn’t know why he kept doing it. 

Ahsoka surveyed him with a single eyebrow raised dangerously high. It seemed her scolding would continue, but nothing came of it and she let him be. “I feel good about this trip to Mandalore, it’s the right thing to do.” 

“We’re gonna need help.” He didn’t disagree, he just knew a bed of nails when he saw one. 

She nodded and she got busy rubbing some warmth into her hands, “You don’t have to but, do you think you could ask Cody? We could use some extra muscle.” 

He breathed in deep and the smoke singed his lungs, “I don’t know what he’ll say, but I’ll ask.” 

He hadn’t lied to her, not that time, and yet weeks still passed, and he woke up every day with a new excuse not to ask Cody about the Mandalore mission. The calm was simply too good to ruin with talk of labor camps and stormtroopers. 

Cody himself only acknowledged the Empire at group meetings to give them clearance codes and ground layouts of various ships. Outside of that he liked to reminisce, joke about the old days and tell embarrassing stories about Rex learning to walk and other mortifying information. 

“Did I ever tell you I knew Rex when he was this tall?” He liked to say, bending down to hold his hand a foot above the ground, “He was adorable, weren’t you ol’ boy?” 

He pretended to be annoyed, even fought back a little with his mediocre dirt on Cody in his younger years, but it was something clean out of prayer. He’d missed Cody so long and hard that he didn’t have the energy to allow himself anything other than pure elation. He smoked even though it was gross, he stayed up late drinking with his brothers, he was selfish, he lied, it didn’t matter. Something good had happened and it was all his, he deserved every last bit of it. 

-

_“And when it’s over?” Cody closed one eye and peered at the city lights through the bottom of his glass, “Figure out that retirement plan yet?”_

_Rex pretended not to hear, Cody was only asking so he’d have an excuse to talk about how he wanted to run away with General Kenobi again._

_Cody smiled and poured himself another drink, “Cause I know what I’m doing.”_

_“Yeah?” Rex asked, tired already, “What’s that, vod?”_

_“Gonna drag you out to fancy restaurants cause I know you’re gonna be a shut-in,” he chuckled, “_ someone’s _gonna have to teach you some culture.”_

_The jab caught him off guard and he let his mouth hang open._

_“I’ll pull up to your house in my big beautiful ship and we’ll be home by nine so you can get your beauty sleep.”_

_“Oh, you’re so funny.” Rex responded dryly, “Like you’ll be allowed to pilot when you’re that old.”_

_Coruscant sparkled in front of them and Cody kicked his feet up onto the table._

_Rex let the breeze take him as he thought about retirement, and fancy dinners, “Does sound nice though.”_

\- 

The dam broke two and a half months into Cody’s return. Ahsoka was on his ass about the mission and Wolffe was threatening to talk to Cody himself, Rex found himself in a corner for the first time in a long time.

He decided to do it during lunch, nice open setting, lots of people around, easy.

 _If you’re up for it, we’d really like you to come on this trip to Mandalore. It’s going to be pretty dangerous, it’s fine if you’d rather stay here._ That was all he had to say. If Cody said no, end of discussion, if he said yes, all Rex had to do was answer questions. It was fine, lunch, one in the afternoon. 

_If you’re up for it,_ he thought, as Cody set his tray down opposite him, _we’d really like you to come on this trip to Mandalore._

“Didn’t see you this morning,” there was something odd about Cody’s smile, “sleeping in again?”

“I never sleep in.” _It’s going to be pretty dangerous, it’s fine if you’d rather stay here._

“Beg to differ.” Cody didn’t meet his eyes as he looked across the table, his hair wasn’t as perfect as usual. 

_If you’re up for it,_ Rex thought, _If you’re up for it._

Cody cleared his throat, shifted in his seat, the butter on his toast was melting. 

“You alright?” Rex asked, running on instinct.

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine.” Cody scanned the room, checking to make sure no one was listening, “Are you around tonight?” 

_It’s going to be pretty dangerous, it’s fine if you’d rather stay here._ “Course I am.”

“Good, that’s good.” Cody ran a hand through his hair and nodded, as if to ready himself, “Think you could come by my tent? Eleven maybe?”

Rex bobbed his head, too scared to open his mouth.

“Okay.” Cody tried to smile again, there was something very wrong, “See you at eleven then.” 

Rex watched him stand up, he watched him walk away. _If you’re up for it, we’d really like you to come on this trip to Mandalore._

-

The day passed in a blur of sporadic panic and puffs of smoke. There were so many things that could have gone wrong, he didn’t know how to think about any of them without wanting to throw up.

Maybe Cody had checked his flight log and seen the trip to Tatooine, maybe Ahsoka or Wolffe had mentioned General Kenobi, maybe he was going to tell Rex he hated him and he wanted to leave.

He didn’t eat dinner, the mere thought of food made him sick. He laid down for a nap at some point, desperate for a break from the excruciating passage of time. 

When it got dark he went to the shipyard to pace in circles and went through nearly every smoke he had. The rush of tobacco to his nerves was making him shake and his head was starting to hurt but he didn’t dare stop. If he stopped for even one second it would all catch up with him and he’d be a goner.

There was no way he could have found out - that was the last shred of hope he had. There was simply no plausible way that Cody could have figured anything out.

And yet- 

He fumbled another smoke between his lips and reached for his matches, it was ten, he had an hour.

“Fuck!” He threw the empty matchbox to the ground and pressed his palms to his eyes, there was no way he knew, there was no way.

“Need a light?”

Rex nearly jumped out of his skin. 

“Sorry, didn’t mean to scare ya.” 

His heart was still beating like a caged bird, but he managed to straighten himself out a little, “Didn’t hear you coming.” 

“Ever been in love?” 

He snorted, “Kark, I thought you were offering me a light.” 

“Oh, right.” Henry blinked, like he really had forgotten, and then reached into the chest pocket of his overalls. 

Henry was always odd, but the distraction was a welcome one. Rex still had no idea where the guy was from, just turned up one night out by shipyards calling himself a mechanic. Ahsoka must have hired him. 

“There ya go.” Henry smiled proudly and tossed him his matchbox, “Always have em on me - for my wife of course.” 

Rex lit his smoke as fast as possible and didn’t hand the matches back till he’d taken his first drag. He checked his watch, 10:10, hadn’t it just-? He shook his head, whatever, he probably saw it wrong.

“Ya don’t look well, Rex.” 

He forced out a sharp laugh and tipped his head back to blow smoke into the breeze, “What are you talking about? I look great.”

“Look just like yer brother.” 

“Don’t hear that often.” He wasn’t in the mood for Henry’s strange sense of humor, especially if it was about Cody.

Henry sunk the box of matches back into his overalls and ran a thumb over the spot of grease on his cheek. Light glinted off the wide lenses of his goggles, making it look like he had another set of gaping glowing eyes blinking on his forehead. “Ever been in love?”

“Look, I’m flattered, but I’m pretty sure you just told me you’re married.”

“I am.” Henry’s smile only lasted an instant, then it faded back to something like confusion, “Ya haven’t, have ya?” 

“Been busy.” Rex didn’t know why he was bothering to answer, Henry never made any sense as it was.

“Hm,” Henry tilted his head as he thought, “that’s alright, it’s not for everyone.” 

He checked his watch again, barely listening. 10:30. He could’ve sworn-

“But there _are_ people ya love. People you’d do anything for.”

10:30? Maybe his watch was broken. The thought made his stomach churn all over again, he had to get to a working clock, he couldn’t miss his meeting with Cody. 

“Rex.” Henry said, suddenly so much closer than before, “Ya love yer brother, yer a good brother.”

“Kriff-” Rex muttered, stumbling back in alarm, “what the hell-” 

The lenses on Henry’s goggles were glowing like headlights in a fog. His eyes, so green it hurt, were staring straight into his very soul, there was a single drop of blood trailing down his temple. “Ya have to tell him, let him go home.” 

Rex tried to scream but smoke filled his mouth and all he could do was cough. He didn’t have a blaster on him, all he had was his hands.

Henry’s expression turned to pain and the light bloomed brighter, blinding, “I can feel him comin, Rex, I don’t want him to be like me, don’t do that to him.”

Rex’s back hit the side of a ship, he wanted to lash out but the light was disorienting, he didn’t know where to swing. 

“Tell him, ya have to tell him.” Henry pleaded, “Yer runnin out of time. Tell him.” 

\- 

_Rex bit his tongue, he’d told the medic didn’t need pain killers, so he was going to mean it, no whining._

_His nurse adjusted her glasses and eyed him over her clipboard. “Ready?”_

_He hated having to get medical work done at local hospitals, everything was so much simpler with the GAR. “As I’ll ever be.”_

_She set her clipboard down and reached for his shoulder, “This will hurt.”_

_He chose not to reply, he was trying to be polite._

_“Excuse me! Sir!” There was suddenly a chorus of voices outside the door of his operating room, the first one he didn’t recognize, most likely another nurse. “Please, we have a patient in that room, we would prefer if you-”_

_“I know! He’s my goddamn brother!” Cody._

_“We don’t allow siblings in during procedures of any kind, if you could please wait in the-”_

_“What? Why not?”_

_His nurse pursed her lips and reset her hands on the swollen mess that was now his shoulder, “On the count of three.”_

_He grit his teeth, no whining._

_“If you locate his parents, we could make an arrangement.”_

_“Oh for-fine!” Cody shouted, “Then I’m his father, how do you like that?”_

_“Two-” his nurse said._

_Over the span of exactly one second, Rex said ‘Fuck’ louder than he had in his entire life, Cody burst into his room like a man possessed, his nurse screamed in terror in response to Cody’s miraculous appearance, and Rex’s shoulder popped mercifully, blessedly, back into place._

_“Rex!”_

_He smiled, dazed, and basking in the glory that was a pair of functional shoulders, “Ori'vod.”_

_Cody rushed over, still very much in distress, “I thought you were-you karking idiot, you scared the hell out of me.”_

_“Be nice.” He let his head fall forward and come to rest heavily on Cody’s chest, “I blew out my shoulder.”_

_“Oh thank-oh Gods. I didn’t know.” Cody’s heart was pounding, Rex could hear it, “All I heard was…never mind, doesn’t matter, you’re okay.” He brought one hand up to cradle Rex’s head against his chest and sat the other one warmly on his good shoulder. “You really scared me, never do that again.”_

_Rex didn’t like when Cody babied him, he was too damn old and important for dumb stuff like that. However, given that it had been a rough day, and Cody was clearly coming down from some sort of panic, he decided to let it slide._

_As Cody’s heartbeat began to slow he dropped his head down and pressed his nose to the top of Rex’s head. The hand on his shoulder tightened._

-

There was an alarm on his watch set to go off at 10:55, just in case.

He sat up too fast and his vision went spotted for a few seconds. He was in his tent; he didn’t know how long he’d been there, could’ve been hours. The alarm on his watch clicked off as he blundered over to the corner to kneel down and splash his face with cold water. He should never have taken a nap, his brain was full of fluff now.

“Dammit.” It really was 10:55, he had five minutes to get to Cody’s tent.

Despite having barely eaten all day and smoking more tobacco than there was in all of Coruscant’s clubs combined, the run felt good. His nerves were too overworked for the anticipation to sink in, he just ran, clearing the river in one strong leap and carrying on strong. He’d been dreaming while he slept, something awful that had left a lingering unease in his bones. He couldn’t remember exactly what had happened and he hoped he never did. 

He stopped outside of Wolffe’s tent to gasp for air and wipe the sweat off his brow. His vision was still spotty but he trusted himself not to pass out, not yet at least. He approached Cody’s tent silently, praying for nothing in particular, guidance, help, anything.

There was no way he knew, Rex told himself for the final time, there was simply so no way. 

“Rex? That you?” 

He looked up at the stars, and then down to his hands. “Yeah, can I come in?” 

He hadn’t spent much time in Cody’s tent, Wolffe’s place was the usual gathering spot. The door was held open for him as he ducked inside and he cast a nervous glance at his surroundings. There weren’t many clothes or personal belongings, just some books, a set of stormtrooper’s armor, a dried flower on the desk. It was all very Cody, tastefully sparse.

“Take the chair,” Cody said, patting him on the back, “I’ll sit on the bed.” 

“Thanks.” The unresolved tension that had been building up all day was coming back to him now; he was up to his neck in it.

The mattress sagged as Cody lowered himself down, he was avoiding Rex’s gaze again. “Sorry about lunch, I hope I didn’t scare you.”

Rex didn’t reply, Cody knew damn well he was scared. 

“I uh, man, I don’t know where to start.” Cody took his left wrist between his fingers as if to check his pulse, “How was your day?”

“Are you mad at me?” He blurted out, unable to hold it back any longer. 

“What? No, no why would I be mad at you?” Cody looked him in the eyes for the first time that day, “Really, this is-it’s nothing like that.”

That should’ve calmed him down, it didn’t. 

“Don’t worry, okay? This is just…” Cody’s face fell again, and he went back to fidgeting his hands, “I’ll try to make this quick, I know you get nervous.”

Rex dug his fingernails into his palms, he already hated it, whatever it was that Cody had to tell him – he hated it.

“I figured today would be a good time to talk about this because I heard Wolffe’s trying to have the team for Mandalore finalized by tomorrow and, well, he probably wants me to go.” 

“You knew?”

“I assumed, I mean, I want to go too.” Cody kept shrinking, first it was his posture, now his voice, “I’d love to go, I hate the idea of sending you all off while I just…I’d love to go." 

“So? You’re coming to Mandalore then?”

“Hold on, let me-” Cody stopped to pull a hand across his face, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “Rex, you have to know, I’d never willingly send any of you into battle alone.” 

“What does that-?” 

“Please, just let me get this out.” 

Rex folded his arms tight across his chest and leaned back into Cody’s rickety little desk chair. He didn’t know why he’d been so anxious for this earlier, he wasn’t ready in the slightest.

“Thanks.” Cody smiled with his eyes, laced his fingers together, and breathed out slow. “I can’t go to Mandalore because I’m sick. I’ve known for a while, almost six months.” 

Rex pretended not to have heard. He traced the outline of Cody’s scar with his eyes.

“It was a medic from the Empire that caught it, actually. I went in for a routine checkup and a week later they called me in, told me I was showing-ah, y’know, ‘early signs.’” Cody seemed to have calmed down a bit, his tone had evened out and his shoulders weren’t quite so rigid. “It’s called Maires - like the planet. Maires disease, I didn’t know us clones could get stuff like that, I think it’s a mutation on my part.” 

Rex’s mouth tasted like smoke; his hands were cold. Those were the only two things he could make any sense of.

Cody carried on without missing a beat, “It’s a problem with my nervous system, usually starts with shaking hands, loss of balance, stuff like that.” He pulled his fingers apart to demonstrate and sure enough, his hands were shaking, just barely. “It was only the left for a while, so I thought I could get away with it, I was always a better shot with my right anyway.” His mouth twitched with the hint of a wry smile, “But it’s both of ‘em now, started last week.”

Rex didn’t want to hear this, he wanted Cody to shut up and apologize.

“I can barely aim anymore, isn’t that a waste? Still got the eye for it.”

“We have doctors.” Rex said, his words felt awkward in his mouth, too loud.

“I know,” Cody said, so soft that Rex almost forgot anything was wrong, “I’ve been seeing the doctors here, they’ve been amazing.”

Rex still couldn’t react, _I’m sick_ , he kept hearing Cody say, _I’m sick I’m sick I’m sick._

“But they can only help me treat it, slow down the progression, stuff like that.” Cody fit his hands back together and the tremors disappeared. “That’s why I can’t go to Mandalore, I’d only be a liability." 

“That’s not true.” He said, “You’re fine, you’re-”

“I know this is upsetting.” Cody turned his face away and his jaw flexed under pressure. “I should have told you sooner but you were-no, sorry, you didn’t do anything. I should have told you sooner, that’s it.” 

“Why didn’t you?”

Cody let out a breathy, desperate sort of laugh, “Because I missed you,” his smile was pained and twisted, it was awful to see, “When you came back I just wanted to enjoy it, even if it was only for a little while. I wanted things to be normal again, I didn’t want you to worry.”

Rex felt the hot sear of a teardrop trace its way down his cheek and he brushed it off quickly, embarrassed. 

“And here’s where you’ve got to listen,” Cody insisted, straightening himself out, “because it’s not all bad.” 

Rex listened; he didn’t know what other option he had. 

“I was talking to the medic here - a couple weeks ago - and she was telling me how…this disease, it’s in my brain, right?” Cody glanced at him, checking for confirmation, “And what we’re thinking is that - I mean,” his smile split and he tried to laugh, “we think it’s why my inhibitor chip stopped working.” 

Rex wanted to laugh too, he wanted to feel anything. 

“So in a way, it’s what got me here.” Cody leaned forward, he was grinning, he was happy, “It’s what got me back to you, Rex, it _saved_ me.”

A second tear dislodged itself and slid down his face. He didn’t stop it this time and it came to rest untouched at his jawline.

“Hey, don’t be sad,” Cody slid off the bed and dropped down to his knees to reach for Rex’s hands. “Look at me, I’m okay. I’m not dying, I promise I’m just – I’m old.”

Cody was old, his brain was sick, he couldn’t aim. “You can’t-” he choked up and ripped his hands out of Cody’s grasp to wipe his face. He hated crying all the time, it was so kriffing embarrassing, he wasn’t a child. 

“Vod, please, look at me.” 

He knew what Maires was, he knew it made people shaky and it made them need canes and wheelchairs and special utensils so they could eat breakfast without spilling food everywhere. He wasn’t born yesterday; he knew what the hell it was. 

“Don’t cry, I’m gonna be okay, I’ll just switch to desk work, right? Wouldn’t Fox be proud.”

He should have seen it, should’ve been checking in, he was a piss poor excuse for a brother. 

“It’s just my nerves, everything else is in great shape.” 

He’d never even asked how the chip went off in the first place, he’d just taken everyone’s word for it and not given it a second thought. Wasn’t it his job to be nosy? Wasn’t he supposed to know Cody better than anyone?

“Calm down,” Cody pleaded, “you’re freaking me out.”

Rex gasped for air and the room snapped painfully back into focus. He’d been lying, he’d been lying to his brother who was sad and sick and on his knees. 

“Rex, you’re gonna pass out, you’ve got to-”

The flower - the orange one on the desk - he did recognize it. He whipped his head around to check and, yes, there it was. It was funny how things could be right in front of you, clear as day, and still not make a lick of sense until you’re getting stabbed through the gut with them.

It was a Marigold, the kind that grew in the foothills of southern Balith every spring. They came in bright shades of orange and yellow, enjoyed full sun, moist soil, and were not edible to humans. He’d read about them four years ago in one of his nature guides. He’d seen them two and a half months ago in Obi-wan’s garden. 

Cody kept talking and Rex kept staring at the flower.

It had been nice to pretend in those past few months, easy to forget when it was just two of them. But it was still there, the flower was all the proof he needed. This was the same Cody that stared at Obi-wan over campfires with stars in his eyes, just like it was the same Cody that used to tuck him in on stormy nights. His brother was his brother and Rex loved him to a fault, it made him happy that there was someone who’d take care of him. 

He’d never understand it - whatever big, terrifying thing Cody felt that made him leave marigolds on his desk - but he was getting close, and it didn’t scare him anymore.

-

“Cody, you can’t stay here.” 

He hesitated, that was not the reaction he’d been expecting, “What?” 

“You’re sick, and this-the rebellion, you should leave.” 

“What are you talking about?” 

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” Cody gave his arm a squeeze, “Hey, talk to me.” 

Rex stared him down, a strange new intensity in his eyes, “You can’t stay here; you have to go to Tatooine and find Obi-wan.” 

“Obi-wan?” He was too distracted by Rex’s sudden switch from hysterics to eerie calm that the name barely fazed him. 

“Yes,” Rex nodded in earnest, “yes I was only on Ryloth for a day, I went to Tatooine and found Obi-wan, he’s alive.” 

“Stop, I-kark, what’s gotten into you?” It almost sounded like Rex was at the start of a panic attack, he used to get them when he was little.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you, I knew you’d leave but-” 

“Just, calm down-”

“But you should be with him, you should've been there the whole time.” 

“Okay! Enough.” He grabbed Rex by the shoulders and gave him a shake, kid needed to snap out of this, it was starting to get scary. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you need to slow down for a minute.” 

“You can take my ship,” Rex continued, completely disregarding Cody’s pleas, “I’ll cover for you, I’ll say you left to get treatment on Alderaan or something and that the ship blew up on the way.” 

“What the-?” He stuttered, “Kriff, I’m not going anywhere, where is this coming from?”

“Listen to me!” Rex shouted, shrugging Cody’s hands off his shoulders in one sharp motion, “You still have time, Obi-wan is alive, he lives on Tatooine.” 

“Obi-wan is dead.” Heat flared in his chest, Rex was wrong to be making him talk about this, especially after everything he’d just learned.

“He’s not, I saw him.” 

“I hear you, but that’s impossible,” he needed this over quickly, he didn’t have the energy to talk about Obi-wan, “I killed him, okay? I watched him die, so drop it.”

“Did you?”

Cody opened his mouth, yes, he saw Obi-wan fall, he saw- 

“Did you _really_ watch him die?” 

Yes. He fell. He died. 

“You didn’t.” Rex breathed, “You didn’t he’s fine, you barely even hurt him.”

Cody sat back onto his heels, Rex was taking this too far, he was talking about things he didn’t understand. 

“He’s been in hiding, there’s this…thing that he’s protecting, so he can’t ever leave and come to help us.” Rex was almost smiling, he was manic, “He has this funny little house outside Mos Eisley, I was only there for a few hours but I was trailing him for days, I was almost jealous.” 

“This isn’t funny.” 

“There’s a kitchen, and a garden where he grows flowers and stuff, he has this neighbor lady, and his cooking isn’t half bad.” Rex glanced over at the Marigold on his desk and let out a soft, breathy laugh, “You’ll love it there, it’s perfect.”

Cody was going cold, he felt himself collapse backward and slouch against the side of his bed, “Why are you saying this?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Because it makes sense now! We all have places we’re supposed to be, that’s what he told me.” 

“Shut up.” He meant to say it louder. 

“I know you’re mad at me, and you should be.” Rex rushed on, “I should have told you right away, but I was so scared of losing you again-and that’s not an excuse, I know, I know.” 

Obi-wan’s voice in his head, the flowers in his mouth, the dreams, Rex. 

“I’m so sorry Cody, I am, but it’s okay now, you still have time.” 

Cody pushed himself up and grabbed wildly at Rex, his fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt and he pulled down with everything he had. Rex fell forward without a fight, the chair skid out behind him and he landed on his knees. He looked like a ragdoll as Cody drew him in, his arms hanging slack at his sides.

Cody didn’t have to say anything, Rex knew what he was asking. 

“It’s true.”

His hands were shaking, he knew Rex could feel it too.

“I’m sorry.” Rex said, he sounded so small. 

“Tatooine.” 

Rex nodded. 

“Rex you can’t-you can’t be-” 

“I’m not. I saw him.”

Rex was lying, he was in shock and making things up.

 _Tatooine, it would make sense._

Cody screwed his eyes shut and forced everything back down, no, Rex was lying. Obi-wan was dead, he’d fallen for so long, it was enough to kill anyone. 

“I promise.” Rex’s voice broke an inch away from Cody’s face, “You didn’t hurt him, I know you, you couldn’t.” 

“Shut up.” He’d done exactly what the Emperor had asked, no hesitation. 

“Codes, it’s okay.”

“ _Shut up_.” The garden and the flowers, the house in the desert, why did Rex know? 

“He misses you.” 

The ground rumbled, something poked at his knees. Rex shifted in his grasp; he must have felt it too.

When Cody opened his eyes the floor was moving, crawling with tiny green fingers forcing their way up through the dirt and unfurling into leafy masses. They grew fast and in the blink of an eye full leaves were reaching to the canvas roof of his tent like it was the sun in winter. The growth was everywhere all at once, under his bed, climbing up the sides of his desk, and swallowing up the pile of armor in the corner. Another second and the floor was gone, there was only the shuffling green of thin leaves and twisting stalks carpeting the known world. 

He let go of Rex to reach out and run his hands through the mess of it all. It didn’t scare him; he’d been missing this.

Soon the sprouts were up to their thighs and curling into their laps, the leaves a gentle tickle. There was a smell like ozone and nitrogen, potting soil and mud at the side of a stream. It sounded like wind blowing through wheat on a sunny day, a dry rustle, electric if you closed your eyes.

“What…” he heard Rex mutter, and then he gasped. 

They started blooming, big fat pops of color, entire planets made up of dainty ruffled petals and powdered pollen. At first it was just one or two but then it was everything and the room exploded into orange, so much orange. It was like fireworks at the capital, like rosy cheeks and ripe fruit, Obi-wan’s hair in the sun, campfires on a cold night, the sky at dusk, ugly shirts on date night, Cody’s armor when he was younger. The blossoms bobbed and swayed triumphantly to a rhythm unheard, and they did not stop growing. 

“Cody,” Rex whispered, his arms lifted high to avoid the soft brush of the flowers that had swallowed his bottom half. “What is this?”

Cody laughed, it was wet and funny sounding. His eyes had filled with tears and all he could see was a trembling sea of orange and yellow. “It’s Obi-wan.” He choked out another laugh, wasn’t it obvious? Who else could it be?

-

He left that night. Obi-wan missed him. He was needed elsewhere.

Rex helped him pack even though he didn’t have much. It was hard with all the flowers in his tent. 

It crossed his mind that he was leaving the Rebellion, but he’d given them two good soldiers and everything he knew. Not to mention that his nerves were only getting worse, he’d slow them down. They’d understand someday, or so he hoped.

“Take care of Rivet, he’s young, he’s reckless.” 

“I will, I will.” Rex assured him as he dropped down to check the fuel tank on his ship. 

“And, I say this as an expert, you should train him as a sniper, the eye on that kid? Incredible.” 

“Huh,” Rex shook his head, “who woulda guessed?”

“And Hound, bring him to Mandalore, he’s amazing with security droids, you should see it.”

“Okay,” Rex said, “I will.”

Cody stopped to think as he polished off the window over the cockpit, “Don’t tell Ahsoka that I died, make something else up.”

Rex nodded and stuck his tongue out in concentration, tightening bolts on the wings were hard without a droid.

“Wolffe too, tell him I know how he feels about that Nautolan who works in the medic tent, he should stop messing around and ask her out for real.”

“Mm,” Rex’s eyebrows shot up, “good point.”

“And Barriss-”

“No.” Rex glared at him, “I’m not talking to Offee.”

“You are.” Cody pointed his wrench threateningly, “Tell her that she’s a kid. Kids can’t be evil, so she should stop thinking of herself that way.”

“She’ll cut my head off.” 

“She won’t.” Cody was 50% sure that she wouldn’t, “She needs to hear it.” 

Rex rolled his eyes, “Fine, whatever.”

Cody nodded with approval. The window was as clean as it was going to get, which meant, as he realized with a horrible drop in his stomach, that the ship was ready to fly.

Rex stood up to dust himself off and seemed to realize the same thing.

“Alright,” Cody jumped down off the wing and landed heavy. He hadn’t thought about this part, leaving Rex wasn’t something he’d ever planned for.

“Ah, looks good.” Rex gestured awkwardly to the ship and gave him a lopsided smile, “Ready for takeoff, Commander.”

“You better stop smoking.” 

Rex groaned and smiled at the ground, “Yeah, okay.”

“I’m serious, it’s terrible for you.”

“Okay! I will.” 

“Good.” He cleared his throat, no more tears, he’d had enough of that tonight, “You’re gonna be okay?” 

“Course.” Rex shrugged, “I got Ahsoka, Wolffe, everybody.” 

“You do.” He blinked hard, he had to keep it together. “I’ll miss you.” 

Rex clenched his jaw and nodded. 

He wondered if Rex knew that he always saw him, in some way, as the same little kid that used to sit on his lap and listen to him read that damn book about dogs over and over again. Even when he was shoved into war and in command of thousands, he was just Rex. Didn’t matter what the GAR or the galaxy tried to turn him into, he was Cody’s kid brother, and that was the end of it. 

He approached Rex carefully, he was upset and Cody couldn’t leave him like that. He didn’t have any speeches planned, so he figured he’d just go with the truth. “We got a real shit run at life, vod, we’re good people, and we didn’t deserve what the galaxy had to give us.” 

Rex breathed in shakily, his eyes were wet again.

“But you never wallowed in it, I always admired that about you. You always did the best you could, and the Republic never deserved you, not for a second.” He brought his hand to Rex’s shoulder, and then to his face, “There’s a reason it’s you, out of all of us, there’s a reason you’re here leading these people. You’re the best there is.” 

The engine growled behind him, the ship was ready, his coordinates were loaded in.

“I don’t want you to think I’m mad at you, alright? I’m not. You annoy me sometimes, but that’s your job, and I love you like hell.” He ran a thumb over Rex’s cheek, he’d grown up so damn fast, Cody missed him already. “I’m proud of you, I always will be, I’m so proud of you, Rex’ika.”

Rex hit his chest so hard he stumbled back a few steps. Cody grinned against the side of his head and squeezed as hard as he could. He chose not to think of it as a goodbye hug, just a bookmark for a later time.

“I’ll miss you too,” Rex’s voice was muffled against Cody’s shoulder, “I hope you like Tatooine, it’s hot.”

He chuckled, “I’ll manage.”

Rex held on for a second longer, and then he pulled back, his eyes red and puffy. “You should get going, y’know, before someone hears us.”

“Right,” he smiled, “off I go.”

Rex smirked and wiped his nose with the end of his sleeve, “Don’t be mad at me when you see his hand, he could’ve ducked.” 

“His hand?” 

“Don’t worry about it, c’mon, engine’s warm.” 

Cody raised an eyebrow but decided to take his word for it. He hefted himself up the side of the ship and turned back as he sank into the cockpit, “Thanks for the ride, Captain.” 

Rex was smiling as he backed away from the engines and into the tall swaying grass. The bright blond of his hair stood out starkly against the looming shadow of the camp behind him, “ _Ret'urcye mhi_!” He shouted. 

Cody saluted as the engines roared, and then all he could see were the stars. His ride out was smooth, not a cloud in sight. He gave his coordinates another check and brought the stabilizers in as he breached the atmosphere. 

“Don’t move.” He said, “Stay right there.”

Then he leaned back, pulled the flower out of his pocket, set it on the dash, and punched the hyperdrive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ret'urcye mhi - Goodbye, I'll see you again
> 
> Unrelated but the friends to crushes to enemies to friends to lovers 100K angst fic that I have written in my head for the Barriss and Ahsoka from this fic is epic in proportion 
> 
> (Oh bonus fact: 1-5-2-9 aka the code to Cody’s door is actually 15-2-9 which in the numerical alphabet spells O-B-I .... you know.. cause Cody is cringe)


	8. Carbon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To returning readers: I am sorry for the confusing jump to 9 chapters, this is the 8th and final chapter, 9 is ... :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow it's done! I'm gonna do my big oscar award thank you speech at the end so for now I'll just say thank you to: 
> 
> @thanksveryga and @kitcatkim for beta reading this chapter! I love you both and will mention you again later lmao 
> 
> It's crazy how long I've had this big "the force is nature blah blah" idea in my head, but I think this fic is the best way I could have described it, I hope you like the ending, I sure do.

**_Carbon_ ** **is a chemical element with the symbol C and atomic number 6.**

**It is the base element of natural gas, of coal, and its abundance is the root cause of global warming. It is also a primary element in most organic molecules, making humans, and all other life forms on earth “** **_Carbon_ ** **-based.” It’s everything, it could kill us, we’re made of it.**

-

Hyperspace spun out before him and his hands worked the controls of Rex’s ship from memory.

He still had about a million questions left unanswered, the dreams, the flowers, Obi-wan’s voice in his head - and that was only the beginning. But Gods, trying to process all of that insanity at once was a fool’s errand. There’d be plenty of time for reflection later and his mind had shorted out hours ago. He was left now in a strange calm that shifted periodically from aching fatigue to blissful joy.

Obi-wan was alive and well, Cody wanted to see him, he wanted to kiss him, it was that simple.

He flicked his gaze down to the marigold where it trembled from the steady vibrations of the ship. Only a few more minutes and he’d be in orbit, he was getting close.

-

_The door to the shuttle creaked open and the wind came ripping in, blowing Obi-wan’s robes up and almost knocking Cody back a step. The sound was deafening, and he had to shout over the roar to be heard, “Think I’ll make it?”_

_Obi-wan squinted down at the clouds and frowned, “You better!”_

_Cody grinned, the air currents at their height were brutal, but he’d trained during lightning storms on Kamino, Obi-wan had nothing to worry about._

_Boil’s voice crackled through over the comm channel, “Thirty seconds and you’ll be clear to jump Commander, watch out for the trees, they move.”_

_He reached back and hit the power on his jetpack, “Roger that Sergeant, see you on the surface.” They were alone in the shuttle, so he leaned down and let the front of his helmet rest against Obi-wan’s shoulder, steeling himself for the jump._

_Instead of leaning into Cody’s touch like he always did, Obi-wan flinched and pulled away like he’d been stung. His eyes were suddenly wild, and he grabbed Cody’s arm, “Wait, actually, before you jump, I have to-!”_

_“Sorry, make that sixty,” Boil cut in, drowning out the end of Obi-wan’s sentence, “some of the 501_ _ st _ _just dropped, might get in your way.”_

_“Er-yeah,” Cody stammered, staring back at Obi-wan in confusion, “got it, no problem.”_

_“Cody!” Obi-wan yelled, giving his arm a shake, “Can you hear me?”_

_“Yeah! What’s wrong?”_

_“I have to-damn,” Obi-wan yanked him in closer, “I have to tell you something!”_

_“Now?”_

_“Yes!”_

_Cody growled and ripped his helmet off despite the biting wind, “Okay!” He still had to yell, even with their faces only centimeters apart, “What is it?”_

_Obi-wan didn’t answer right away, his hair was blowing in all directions and brushing the side of Cody’s face._

_He’d have to jump soon, they didn’t have long, “I’m listening!”_

_“I think I’m in love with you.”_

_Cody jolted back to brace himself against the door, “What? You think?”_

_“No, sorry,” Obi-wan screwed his face up and shook his head, “I don’t think-!”_

_“You don’t?”_

_“No!"_

_“What?”_

_“Cody!” Obi-wan’s cheeks had gone pink and he threw his hands up, “I don’t think - I know!”_

_“Know what?”_

_“I know I’m in love with you!” He shouted, “I love you.”_

_“Oh!” Cody said._

_Obi-wan opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again, “Is that…” he cocked his head, “alright?”_

_Cody nodded, he had no idea what his face was doing, he hoped he was smiling, “Yes, that’s…that’s great!”_

_“Is it?”_

_He didn’t know what to say, this had never happened to him before, “Yeah, it is.”_

_“Oh.” Obi-wan turned away, clearly disappointed by the lackluster response._

_Cody’s heart plummeted, “Wait! No!” How did Obi-wan not know by now? He thought it was pretty goddamn clear, “It’s because I love you too.”_

_The wind howled as Obi-wan stared dejectedly out of the open shuttle and sat a hand on his hip. The part in his hair that he’d spent so long combing into place was completely ruined now and he didn’t even seem to care._

_Cody held his breath for an excruciating ten seconds of complete silence before realizing, to his own horror, that Obi-wan hadn’t heard him, and nothing was going to happen._

_“Shit,” he muttered to himself, face burning up, “karking idiot.” He let go of the door and reached out, gently, so as not to startle him, and tipped Obi-wan’s face back up by his chin. He was scowling, the sun was hitting him just right, he looked gorgeous._

_Cody’s heart fluttered to a stop, he took a deep breath, “I SAID, I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU TOO!”_

_A bomb went off somewhere far below them and a cloud of smoke bloomed up over the trees._

_“Oh!” Obi-wan’s eyebrows shot up, “You do?”_

_“Yeah!”_

_“That is good!”_

_He laughed, “It is!”_

_The shuttle bucked up sharply as the shockwave from the explosion hit, catching both of them off guard. Cody lunged forward on instinct and curved an arm around Obi-wan’s waist to steady him. “Woah there,” he said, “be careful.”_

_Obi-wan threw his arms over Cody’s shoulders and kissed him like it was his dying wish. There were suddenly nails dragging at the back of Cody’s neck, a palm flat on the side of his face, fingers splayed out across the plastoid of his chest plate, insatiable. The wind raged on and Obi-wan went up on his toes to deepen the angle, pressing in close and trapping the hilt of his saber between them. He caught Cody’s bottom lip between his teeth and bit down to tease out a gasp that he chased with his tongue._

_Cody was not keeping up; it was the most thoroughly he’d ever been kissed, and his thoughts were quickly devolving to nothing more than hazy shades of pink. He imagined he probably would have forgotten his own name had it not been for the commlink buzzing on his arm._

_“Kriff,” he groaned, pulling himself away with a heaving chest and weak knees, “I hate to say this, but I got to-fuck-I gotta go.”_

_Obi-wan’s eyes were still dark and he kissed the side of Cody’s mouth before stepping back and nodding to the door, “Safe flight, Commander.”_

_Cody shoved his helmet back on as his jetpack roared to life, “I’ll see you soon,” he promised, “I love you.”_

_“Now!” Boil barked over the comms, “Jump now!”_

_Cody jumped._

-

It was a sunny morning, and the first time in months that the scar on his hand didn’t ache while he swept the patio. There had been an infection after all, which had then led to an expensive circus of doctors and pharmacists and things he’d never had to deal with before. 

Living between the temple and a Republic ship had always come with the added benefit of readily available medical care. That was not the case on Tatooine.

He finished his sweeping early and began watering the vegetables. There was still frost at night, so only the potatoes and leeks were growing like usual. His cooking had improved a great deal though, he was making do.

He watered the flowers last; they were doing just fine. There were six plants now, and four of them had produced at least two flowers in the past month. Yashotta had known just from looking that he wasn’t talking to them anymore. She’d seemed disappointed at first, but after a week or two, she stopped bothering him about it.

He pressed his fingers into the soil around their stalks, tamping them down and checking for the proper water infiltration. They were nothing compared to the bouquet he used to have, but he liked them all the same.

Pleased with his work in the garden, he rewarded himself with a second mug of caff. Too much caffeine sometimes gave him headaches, so he took a leftover painkiller and called it a meal. 

Keeping busy was always a challenge and he hated how much time he wasted sitting around and staring out windows, but alas, his spot at the dinner table was calling to him. 

The house was quiet as he settled in, so was the desert. He hadn’t heard from anyone in the months since Rex’s visit, and there was no word of nearby Rebel activity in the news. Luke was safe, Rex was a good man.

He blew the steam off his mug as the rumble of a ship’s engine passed overhead, bound for Mos Eisley most likely.

-

_“Did you mean it?”_

Cody - left shoulder.

 _Obi-wan threw his arm out and the blade of his saber lowered just in time to catch the blaster bolt rocketing towards Cody’s shoulder._

_“Thanks.”_

Kidney, right thigh, head.

 _“My pleasure.” He twirled his saber once across his body, deflecting two bolts, and then swayed to the left as the third buzzed past his ear._

_Cody took care of the two droids to their left with a pair of bullseye shots to their neck joints, “Did you hear me?”_

Right side.

_“Hear what?” He felt a drop of sweat roll down his temple as he cut through the B1 droid that had come up on his right. His blade sizzled clean through its chest and it crumpled at his feet._

_“I asked,” Cody grunted and kicked a droid to the ground before putting a bolt through its head, “if you meant what you said, you know, on the shuttle?”_

Machine fire, chest level.

_Obi-wan got his blade rotating at a steady pace as the fire started coming in, Cody was beside him, he couldn’t afford to let anything through. “Are you really asking me this now?”_

_Cody lifted his arm and shouted into his comm, “Trapper how’s that evac coming?” His visor glinted in the sun as he tipped his face towards Obi-wan, “And yes, I’m asking now.”_

Machine fire – Cody.

_“Fuck,” Obi-wan threw his hand out and snagged the Droideka in front of him with the force. He didn’t have time to set his feet before he pulled with everything he had and sent it flying over his head, arcing through the air and crashing into its counterpart on Cody’s side._

_Cody tapped his comm, “Sounds great Trapper, we’re almost done here.”_

_Obi-wan scanned the tree line, blade at the ready, “Yes, I meant it.” His heartbeat picked up again, Gods, he really meant it._

_“Well,” Cody fired into the ferns, picking off the sparking torso of a B1, “so did I, so, just checking.”_

_He bit his cheek to stop from smiling, they weren’t in the clear yet, he needed to stay focused. “Any other urgent questions?”_

_“Now that you mention it-”_

Rocket bomb.

 _Obi-wan’s hand shot up and he grit his teeth, the bomb exploded as it hit his force shield, filling the air with debris._

_Cody carried on as though nothing had happened, “When did you know?”_

_“When did I-?” He coughed as ash snowed down around them, “I don’t know!”_

_As he was bent over hacking a lung up, Cody fired three shots over his head and two droids hit the dirt, “Huh, well I do.”_

_He shook the ash out of his hair and winced as it stung his eyes._

Right bicep.

_He pushed his hand into the impact as the bolt hit his blade, deflecting it back into the trees._

_Cody nudged him, “Don’t you want to know?”_

_Of course he did._

_“Yeah, Trapper, we’re still here.” Cody flicked his comm back off, “First time I kissed you, that was it, I was gone.”_

Machine fire – stomach.

_Obi-wan got his saber spinning again, “You can’t mean that, that was ages ago.”_

_“No, wouldn’t lie.”_

He loves you.

_The force surged through him, nearly lifting him off the ground. He felt it in his chest, his heart strained at his ribcage._

_Cody rolled a popper between his legs and the droid firing at them flew to pieces._

_Obi-wan turned around to face him, the force was humming, he could almost hear it. “I knew yesterday.”_

_Cody cocked his head, “I didn’t see you yesterday.”_

_“I know.”_

_“And you just-”_

_“Yes.”_

_Cody’s face was unreadable behind his helmet, but his confusion was loud and clear, “You’ve only been in love with me since yesterday?”_

Two bolts – lower back.

_Obi-wan deflected them without turning around, “Commander, did you honestly think I was breaking the code to have sexual relations with you because – what? I wanted to be your friend?” He scoffed, “Don’t be foolish, I’ve harbored feelings for you for quite a while, I just didn’t realize until yesterday.”_

_Cody pulled his helmet off._

_“No,” Obi-wan raised a finger, “put that back on, you’re going to get yourself killed.”_

He loves you. _The force warned._

_Cody kissed him._

He loves you.

 _Obi-wan made no move to defend himself, he went down in flames._

-

The landscape was breathtaking at his height, there were great sweeping planes of dried-up ocean bed, canyons that stretched on for miles, and rolling dunes that tied it all together. It had been beautiful in his dreams too, but this was so much more.

He made one pass over the town while the black shadow of his ship rippled over roofs and heads of distant villagers. He didn’t have any credits, and he certainly didn’t know anyone in Mos Eisley who would let him land an unlicensed a-wing without being reported, so he stayed in the air and steered off into the open desert with a sigh. He’d dump the ship and go back for his supplies when he could; he didn’t have time to fly in circles. 

Having deleted the exact coordinates of what he claimed was Obi-wan’s house, Rex had only been able to provide general directions. He’d spoken of a single floor hut, eight miles southwest of Mos Eisley and perched on the edge of a canyon. He’d mentioned the garden too, but Cody already knew that.

He flew the eight miles in deadly concentration, his brow beading with sweat from the suns glaring through the window above him. He couldn’t think about what he was doing, it was too much, he’d get distracted, crash the ship. His body was on autopilot now, he was on a mission, the mouth of a canyon gaped open below him, teeth bared. 

-

_Obi-wan kissed his cheek, his chin, the bolt of his jaw._

_“Fuck,” Cody hissed, “fuck, Obi.”_

_“Don’t stop,” Obi-wan pleaded, dropping his head to mouth at Cody’s neck, “like that, that’s good.”_

_Obi-wan’s beard was rough against Cody’s skin and he shuddered, choking back a moan, “I got you.”_

_“Cody-”_

_“I love you,” he said, and that was all he could say, “I love you, I love you.”_

-

The dust made him sneeze and he almost missed the sound of an engine passing overhead. He frowned as he straightened himself back up, that was the second one today, two more than usual.

The sound faded and he struggled to contain his coughing, housekeeping was always a violent act when dust got in the air.

It didn’t take long for him to give up on the useless chore and end up back in the kitchen, standing in front of the sink and nursing an ice water. It was only midday and he was tired again, two cups of caff for nothing.

-

_“Tell me you brought me something hot, I’m starving.”_

_“Oh, c’mon,” Cody laughed, lifting his arms proudly to brandish his two bags of takeout, “what do you take me for?”_

_Obi-wan abandoned his navigation table without a second thought and threw himself headlong into his Commander’s arms, “That smells divine.”_

_Cody pecked his cheek and shuffled away to set the food down, “It’s that fried crap you like, only the best for my General.”_

_“It’s perfect,” Obi-wan crooned, “thank you, I love it, I love you.”_

-

A bird cried overhead, and Cody shielded his eyes to squint up at the miles of blue sky stretched out above him. The distance from the canyon was much further now that he was ankle deep in sand as opposed to three miles in the air. He frowned and pulled the hem of his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his brow, no matter, his legs still worked, a little walking never killed anyone.

His boots slipped on the sand and he shrugged his jacket off to drape over his head. He hadn’t seen any houses on his flight in, but he wasn’t letting that worry him yet. The roofs of the buildings in Mos Eisley had been the same color as the sand they grew from, meaning Obi-wan’s hut had probably just blended in too well for him to spot.

After ten minutes he turned around and his heart sank, he could still see the ship, he’d barely moved.

-

_“Hold still,” Obi-wan instructed, “don’t distract me.”_

_Cody rolled his eyes, the ship was already half a mile away, it was a one in a million shot._

_Obi-wan had his head turned and his smooth profile was silhouetted by the setting sun behind him. His left arm was raised with Cody’s blaster fit unnaturally in his steady hand, he had the barrel pointed just a half-centimeter over the horizon and his bangs had fallen forward over one eye. His tongue darted out and wet his lips before he took a slow breath in, puffing his chest out and narrowing his eyes in concentration._

_He fired only a single bolt that howled through the air for what must have been a few years, and then the ship blew, reducing nearly an entire infantry of droids to dust._

_“Holy-!” Cody whooped and threw his hands in the air, “I can’t believe it!”_

_Obi-wan arched an eyebrow and inspected the smoking end of the blaster, “Where’s your faith Commander?”_

_“Oh, shut up. That was incredible, I don’t know anyone who could’ve made that shot.”_

_Obi-wan returned the blaster and pushed his bangs back into place, smug as ever, “Well, I’m happy you enjoyed it, that was a one-time event.”_

_“Come on, really? That was so hot though.”_

_“_ Cody _.”_

_“I’m dead serious that was-kark, I don’t even know, I mean-” he slipped an arm around Obi-wan’s waist and pressed a starstruck kiss to his temple, “Gods, I love you.”_

-

Obi-wan hummed to himself as he diced potatoes and skinned carrots, early preparations for a soup. It was slow going, the recent trauma of a public hospital wing was not something he ever wanted to revisit, and he’d grown wary of his kitchen knives.

As he chopped away his thoughts drifted, he’d been flirting with the idea of buying a radio for the kitchen, some music to cook with would surely help to pass the time.

-

_It was a quiet night and the city lights splashed soft shades of blue and red across the side of Cody’s face that caught in his eyes and stuck like stars. He was handsome like he always was, and his lips were soft when he kissed Obi-wan’s knuckles._

_It had been too long; Obi-wan thought, the war had taken hold and they never had any moments alone like they used to, he missed it, “I love you.”_

-

Cody’s knees were on fire and sweat was getting in his eyes, making it hard to see. He’d reached the edge of the canyon, but that was only after stopping three times to catch his breath. The wind had picked up too, it was blowing all sorts of sand and dirt up at him, only upside was a bit of a breeze on his burning skin. 

“Come on.” He muttered to himself as he trudged along, “Get a grip old man.”

The suns tore into him, unrelenting, and the shaking in his hands got so bad that he couldn’t hold the jacket over his head anymore. But none of that mattered, there was smoke on the horizon, and he was willing to bet it was coming from someone’s chimney.

-

_There was blood on Obi-wan’s robes, and a black eye taking over half of his face._

_“You can’t keep doing this,” Cody said evenly, forcing his anger down and staring daggers at the pristine floor of the med bay, “You just can’t.”_

_“Why?” Obi-wan spit, “Because you don’t want to deal with the paperwork?”_

_“Fuck the paperwork!” He hissed, “You ever think that maybe I just don’t like seeing you sliced open all the time?”_

_“We’re at war. Commander.”_

_“So I’ve heard.” He turned and marched for the door, Obi-wan wasn’t in the mood to listen, that was fine, “We’ll finish this discussion later.”_

_“Cody-”_

_“I can’t do this right now.” His hand was already on the doorknob, “I’ll be by later, I love you.”_

-

The burner sizzled and he left the pot to rest. The stew would need to boil for a few hours which was fine, dinner was hours away. He poured himself another glass of water and made for the living room, the kitchen got too hot when he left the stove on.

He was halfway to the couch when he felt it, and he stopped, tilting his head to get a better listen.

The force reached out with soft fingers on the back of his neck, as if to check that he was awake. The movement was unusually quiet, or maybe just muffled by distance.

Obi-wan set his glass down slowly and closed his eyes, breathing out steady as he opened up his senses to the space around him. There were no other living things in the house, not even a rodent or a snake, which could only mean that the presence he was feeling was coming from somewhere in the desert.

The pulse of the plants in his garden was distracting, it wasn’t often that he reached out with the force these days and he’d never noticed how strong they were. They hummed and whispered over everything; the melody buried under a mountain of rhythm.

The force swelled again, this time its grip was sure, and he put his hand out, pulling until the floorboards rattled and his saber came flying to his waiting palm. Its weight was instantly familiar despite the years they’d spent apart, and his thumb hovered over the switch, waiting for a queue.

After a beat, he opened his eyes to the shimmer of dust in the air and sunlight caught between the curtains of his front window. He knew better than to trust the calm, the force never moved without reason.

-

_“Oh by the way,” Cody added, turning to brandish his dropped saber, “I think you’ll be needing this.”_

_“Thank you, Cody.” He managed a weak smile as he leaned down to retrieve his weapon. The scolding he was going to receive when they got back to the ship would be one for the ages. “Now let’s get a move on,” he shouted, flicking the reigns of his varactyl, “we’ve still got a battle to win here.”_

-

Cody nearly collapsed against the clay wall as he arrived, thankful for the couple inches of shade on his back. There was a bucket of water to his left and the back half of a parked speeder visible around a corner. The streaks in the dust at his feet were from a broom and his chest ached. The desert had been so wild, but this was lived-in, this was someone’s home.

He figured it'd be best if he limped around to the front, though it was more difficult than it looked and he ended leaning on the walls every half-step. As he rounded the corner, he dropped his jacket and the flower along with it, hoping that the lost weight would make it easier to stand.

There was only a t-shirt on his back now and the front door was yellow. A bead of sweat dripped down his nose and as he wiped it off, he let his fist hang in the air. _I should knock_ , he thought, _that’s what you do when you come to someone’s doorstep._

The wind kicked up and his knuckles hovered over the cracked paint for ten, twenty seconds before he dropped them down again.

Bugs whirred and wind howled, making the silence only a perceived one. There had to be something he’d missed, it didn’t feel right, this was never how things ended. There was always a catch, a sniper in a window, a poisoned apple, a man falling through the air until Cody couldn’t see him anymore.

“Who’s there?” Said a voice from inside the house.

Cody’s legs gave out and suddenly he was kneeling in the sand.

“Identify yourself.”

He gasped and slumped into the doorframe. Time was a horrible thing to put between them.

The door blew open and Obi-wan was standing a couple of yards away with his hand out and his saber raised. The blue light of his blade cast a flickering glow over his face that left soft shadows under his cheekbones and around his eyes. His brow was drawn in and he wasn’t dead, he was dangerous and angry and so incredibly beautiful.

“General,” Cody said, and then his forehead hurt, and he disappeared.

“Who are you?” Kenobi asked.

Cody paid him no mind as he rose to his feet, it was clear from the tremor in his voice, and the fear in his eyes that he already knew. “With the powers granted to me by the Galactic Empire, I order you to stand down, Jedi.”

Kenobi shifted his stance so that both his hands were on the hilt of his saber, “You’re not real.”

“If you do not surrender to my custody, I will have no choice but to use deadly force.” He didn’t have a blaster on him, he’d have to snap Kenobi’s neck with his bare hands.

“Stay back.” Kenobi barked, although predictably, he made no move to defend himself as Cody stepped through the doorway.

“Lower your weapon.”

The color had drained from Kenobi’s face, and his eyes were going glassy, “How did you find me?”

“You don’t have the right to be asking questions,” Cody reminded him, “you’re nothing more than a well-trained criminal.” 

“Please,” Kenobi’s voice was breaking, “don’t say that, not you.”

His boots sunk into the carpet of the tiny living room and disgust boiled through him, “You know I was demoted for failing to retrieve your body? I followed my orders just fine, but I was _still_ knocked down to Captain just because I didn’t have any blood to show for it.”

Kenobi shook his head, he was scared, “Just stay where you are.”

“I won’t make that mistake a second time, now-”

“Don’t make me hurt you.”

Cody sneered, he’d almost been hoping for a fight, “Am I to understand that you are resisting arrest?”

Kenobi raised his saber, “I’m warning you-”

Cody lunged forward, but he didn’t make it far before something crashed into his stomach with such momentum that he was sent toppling backward. He landed on his tailbone hard enough to bruise, and his head would have cracked on the floor if he’d been any slower to throw his hands out. 

“Don’t move.” Despite the saber sizzling at Kenobi’s side, there was nothing threatening about him, he was overwhelmed, scattered.

“The Empire doesn’t need weapons like the force to bring peace,” Cody growled, chest heaving from the effort, “we have done so through democracy, through order.”

Kenobi turned away as a tear streaked down his face and into his beard, “I can’t do this,” he said, “not again.” 

It was pathetic to see what had become of him, his death would be a mercy killing, “Then surrender.” 

“ _Please_.”

Cody tried to stand, but he was too dizzy and ended up collapsing back onto his knees, his vision swimming with the blue of Kenobi’s saber. “You’ll be executed for your crimes, if not by me, by one of my brothers.”

The room grew darker and the saber hissed as it was drawn back into its hilt, Kenobi was finally doing the sensible thing.

“You are a traitor to the Empire, and,” Cody winced, the skin on his elbow had split in the fall and sand was catching in the open wound, “you are a danger to the galaxy you failed to protect.” His head rolled back, and he had to jerk himself forward before he fell again, he felt sick, he was sick, he didn’t realize what was happening until there was a hand on his face.

“Oh,” Kenobi whispered, swiping a thumb across Cody’s cheekbone, “what have they done to you?” 

The air was heavy and his hand shook wildly as he raised it, but he still managed to close a few fingers around Kenobi’s wrist. They held there for a moment, their contact soft, and then Cody pulled him forward with a shout, slamming his forehead into the bridge of Kenobi’s nose.

The impact was painful and threw away what little sense of balance he still had left. He was nearly blind as he clawed his way up a wall and staggered to his feet, shaking his head to stay conscious the whole way. 

When his vision cleared, he was fairly certain that Kenobi was on his hands and knees, and there was a smear of red on the floor that he hoped was blood. “Surrender.”

Kenobi was holding the end of his sleeve to his face when he looked up, he was wounded, Cody still had a chance.

“That fall should have killed you, _I_ should have killed you.”

“I can still feel you in there.” Kenobi’s voice was thick, and wet with blood, “In the force, I’d recognize you anywhere.”

“Then feel this,” Cody taunted, “feel how the Empire has given me purpose.”

“I know you don’t mean that.”

He didn’t know anything, he was a traitor, delivering his head to the Emperor would make Cody a hero, “Shut up!” He pushed himself off the wall and threw his body in Kenobi’s direction, he wanted to feel his windpipe collapse under his fingers, he wanted to put a blaster bolt through the top of his skull and paint his brains across the dusty ceiling.

Kenobi’s blood-soaked hand shot out and the force lifted Cody off his feet, “I’m sorry,” he said, though his tears, “I don’t want to do this.”

Cody blacked out for a second, and when the pain faded back in, he couldn’t remember how exactly he’d ended up flat on his back with two suns high above him. He lay there until his face began to burn and was forced to push himself up onto an elbow and squint ahead at his surroundings. 

Framed by the doorway and splintered wood, Kenobi was waiting for him, he was holding his saber, and the bottom half of his face was stained with red. 

“Are you going to kill me?” Cody rasped, “Or have you accepted that the Empire-” his forehead was getting unbearable, he could barely remember where he was, “the Empire-”

Kenobi’s footsteps were quiet, but the hum of his saber turning on was not.

Cody groaned as he forced himself into a sitting position, there was something solid next to him that he was happy to lean against.

“I’m going to make this as painless as possible for you,” Kenobi’s voice had changed, it was steady now.

“You-you are Obi-wan Kenobi, you are a traitor to the Empire.”

“But first I need you to know, wherever you are-”

Cody’s head hurt too badly to listen, he just wanted Kenobi dead, he just wanted to follow his orders.

“-that I forgive you. I know you didn’t have a choice; I know you’d never do something like that, none of you would.”

He didn’t know, he didn’t know the first thing about the Empire.

“And as much as I wish it were under different circumstances, it’s good to see your face.”

That was such a strange thing to say to a man you’re about to murder, Cody thought, such an odd thing to tell him.

Kenobi’s voice drew closer, as though he’d knelt down, “I never thought I would again, I thought I’d have to live with that awful day on Utapau forever.”

He curled his legs in, they were bruised and numb from the fall.

“In fact, I used to sit out here all the time, in the garden, talking to myself and – I know it’s strange, but I’d pretend you were with me.”

“I know.”

“...What?”

Cody pressed the heels of his palms to his forehead, he was going to blackout again, it was almost unbearable.

“What did you just say?”

The sunlight burned as he cracked his eyes open to glare at the Jedi’s bloodied face.

Kenobi frowned and held his saber aloft, reaching out with his free hand to turn Cody’s face sharply towards his, “Just now, when I told you that I talked to the flowers, what did you say?”

The flowers, “I said that I already knew that.” The flowers.

“Why do you-?” Kenobi tightened his grip as Cody’s eyes began sliding shut again, “Stay with me, keep talking, why do you know that?”

“Because…” Cody didn’t know why, he didn’t know who he was, he flung his arm out and landed a weak punch to Kenobi’s chest.

“Cody.” 

“Because I could _fucking_ hear you!” His vision was white even with his eyes closed, he remembered orange in his bedsheets, on his face. 

“What do you mean?” Kenobi asked, almost desperately, “Wait, come back.”

He recoiled, trying to free his jaw of Kenobi’s grasp, “You’re a traitor to the Empire, you’re a traitor to the-and a danger to the galaxy.”

“What was I saying?” The sound of Kenobi’s blade hitting the ground was followed by the feeling of thin fingers around his aching wrist. “When you heard me talking, what was I saying?”

“You-” he clenched his jaw, he had to fight this, for the Empire, “you were growing flowers.”

“Yes,” Kenobi breathed, “yes what else?”

He needed to cleanse the galaxy, free its citizens of the Jedi plague, “Your speeder was broken, the engine needed to be fixed.”

Kenobi took his hand off Cody’s jaw and fit his palm against the side of his face, holding his head up, “It was, that was very expensive.”

“And your neighbor.”

“Yashotta?”

Cody had to kill him, he didn’t know why, he already had, “She was helping you cook; you didn’t have any seasonings though.” 

Kenobi laughed, just a quiet rush of air, and when he spoke there was a smile in his voice, “No, I didn’t, and I knew you’d be disappointed.” 

His forehead throbbed and he shivered, Kenobi had a nice laugh, he had nice hands.

“What was I trying to cook?”

“Fish, fried fish.”

“Yes!” Kenobi lifted Cody’s hand and laced their fingers together, “Now, why?”

Cody couldn’t answer him, these weren’t his orders, this wasn’t his purpose. 

“Why would I want to make that?”

His skull was splitting open, “Because it’s my favorite.”

The sound of Kenobi’s laughter was enough for Cody to force his eyes open again. His hair was longer than usual, there were lines around his reddened eyes and on his forehead, “Were you really listening that whole time?”

He folded his fingers down to meld with Kenobi’s and squeezed through the pain.

“Keep talking, please, I know you’re hurting, I’m trying to help.”

Cody tried to turn his face away from Kenobi’s hand, it was wrong, he should be dead, “You can’t help me.”

“What else did I say? What did I say about you?”

So much, he’d said so much about Cody, “I don’t know.”

“You do.”

It hurt, “Coronet city.”

Kenobi gripped his hand tighter and nodded, “Keep going.”

He was too dehydrated to cry, all that came out was a dry sob, “My head.”

Kenobi shushed him and stroked a hand down his face, “I know, I know and I’m sorry, I’m right here.”

“You said-” Cody had to fight to keep his eyes open, everything was so hard.

“What did I say?”

They knew each other, they’d known each other for a long time, before the Empire, “You said that you missed me.”

“I do.” Kenobi pressed the back of Cody’s hand to his cheek, his beard was wiry and overgrown, “I miss you so much.”

When they met, Cody had been younger than General Kenobi, that wasn’t true anymore, he’d passed him by, “You sounded lonely.”

Kenobi’s smile turned sad, and the suns left a golden halo around his head, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s alright,” Cody assured him, “I didn’t mind.”

Obi-wan’s hand curled around the back of his neck to pull him forward and into his arms. His head still hurt, but now there were fingers carding through his hair, and it was fading.

“Where were you?” Obi-wan asked, his lips soft against the side of Cody’s head.

“I don’t know,” he was so tired, he wanted to sleep, “looking for you, I think.”

“Well, you found me.”

Cody breathed in the dry scent of dust and the sting of bloody iron. Obi-wan’s arms were firm around his body and the suns did not beat down, they did not blaze or burn his tired skin as they once had, they just kept him warm.

-

Cody wasn’t wearing his armor anymore; he was in the shirt Rex had lent him and the cargo pants from Wolffe.

The mechanic gestured out to the silent eternity of sand in front of them, “Beautiful, ain’t it?”

Cody nodded.

“Never get tired of it.”

“Who are you?”

The mechanic turned to him, shielding his eyes from the suns with a gloved hand, “Henry.”

“Henry?”

“Aye.”

“I don’t know you.”

Henry shrugged, “I know yer brother though, nice man, much easier to find than you.”

“You know-?” Cody raised an eyebrow, “You know Rex?”

“Good kid huh? Thinks the universe of ya.”

Cody touched his forehead, it wasn’t hurting anymore, there was something he was forgetting.

Henry sighed and dropped his hand to his side, “Too bad we didn’t have more time together Cody, I like ya. But, I think this is it for me, back to driftin.”

“What does that mean?”

“It was easier, ya know, ever since yer man came around, I’ve been much better, he’s strong.” Henry tilted his head and wiped a streak of blood off on his shoulder, “Now that he’s got ya back though,” he clicked his tongue, “ain’t gonna be the same.”

Cody’s heart dropped; he’d been bleeding.

“Aye, that’s the one.”

“He’s-”

“He’s fine.” Henry smiled, it was friendly, he looked like he knew what he was talking about.

“Thank you.” Cody meant it, even if he didn’t know why.

“Ah,” Henry reached out and gave his shoulder a shove, “don’t mention it, gotta do what I can for a friend.”

“You said you’re leaving?”

“Not completely,” he winked, “still got a girl back home.”

It was too bad; he liked Henry, would have liked to get to know him.

“Can I ask ya a favor though? If yer willin?”

“What is it?”

Henry’s eyes flicked to the ground and another drop of blood rolled down from his hairline, “If ya see my wife, will ya give her a message?”

“Your wife?”

“Aye, Yash, you’ll know her when ya see her,” Henry’s teeth shone white as he grinned, “she’s beautiful.”

His smile was contagious, Cody caught it in full, “What do you want me to say?”

-

“Careful, careful, don’t sit up too fast.”

Cody’s mouth was dry and the cut on his elbow was stinging up his arm.

“You need to drink something,” there was a cool hand on his forehead, “you’re still overheated, don’t try to stand up.”

His head weighed a ton, it took everything he had just to turn it.

“Here,” the rim of a glass was pressed to his lips, “please just try, I need you to drink something before I let you sleep again.”

The water was so cold it hurt his teeth, but he drank what he could before his head was swooning again and he fell back into the pillow.

“I’ll be right here.”

-

The room was dark, and someone was breathing steadily next to him.

He had a distant headache, just a dull buzzing behind his eyes, and when he lifted a hand to his forehead the motion hurt more than he was expecting. He could remember waking up and drinking, and before that he could remember landing the ship somewhere in the desert.

He blinked his eyes until they focused. The ceiling was either very high or the bed he was lying on was very low, not that he minded, it was comfortable.

The breathing stuttered to a stop and the mattress shifted, “You’re awake.”

His fingers stilled against his forehead; a memory itched at him.

“Do you need more water? Something to eat?”

“Where am I?”

And hand slipped into his, and a shadow rose to the left of him, “You’re safe, you’re on Tatooine, in my bedroom, it’s around 10 pm.”

Tatooine he remembered, but, “Your bedroom?”

“Yes, you’ve been asleep for the past…nine hours?”

“Kriff.” He tried to sit up but he was weak, his body wouldn’t listen to him.

“Don’t worry, it’s good, I think you needed it. You should eat something soon though, I can feel you shaking, you must be starved.”

“No, no that’s just,” he knew that voice, he knew it, “that’s just something I do now, my hands.”

“Oh, well, there is soup in the kitchen when you’re ready.”

That was so nice to hear, a kitchen, a bedroom, “This is your house?”

“It is.”

He smiled, how wonderful, “What else?”

“Well, there’s also a living room, it’s a bit crowded, I bought too many chairs and-anyway, attached to that is a dining room-”

He laughed even though his throat was dry and cracking, he wanted to sit in the crowded living room with someone.

“And out back is where I do all the gardening.”

“Gardening?”

“Vegetables mostly.”

The garden, “And flowers.”

“Yes, and flowers.”

“Marigolds.” He sat up, there was a hand on his chest.

“Marigolds, exactly.”

“Obi-wan.” Cody reached for him and Obi-wan reached back, the angle was awkward, and the room was still spinning, but Cody got his arms around him just fine. “Oh Gods, I tried to hurt you.”

“No, no,” Obi-wan shuffled closer and lifted his face off Cody’s shoulder, “that wasn’t you.”

“I’m so sorry,” he could have gotten them both killed, what an idiot he was, “I swear, I wouldn’t have come if I’d known that would happen.”

“Then it’s a good thing that you didn’t,” Obi-wan said simply. 

Cody wrapped his arms tighter, held him as close as he could.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

He didn’t know, he didn’t answer.

After a minute or so Obi-wan pulled away, and when he returned there was a light on and he looked much better than before. His nose wasn’t broken, though there was a bruise, and the blood had been washed from his face, “Talk to me.”

Cody couldn’t look at him head-on, and chose to focus on the blue fuzz of his sweater, “I might do that again.”

“Gotten through it twice, haven’t I?”

“I’m serious, I can’t-” His breath caught and he curled his fingers into the sheets. He was suddenly hyper-aware of just how dirty he was, sitting there on soft, clean bedding, coated in sweat and dried blood. It didn’t feel right that only two years ago he’d been a dashing Marshal Commander, king of Coruscant, with eyes only for his preening Jedi General. What was he now? A malfunctioning weapon?

“Cody,” Obi-wan raised a hand to his face, his touch was gentle, hesitant, “I know you’re upset, and I’m sure you’re in a lot of pain right now. But I haven’t seen you in a very long time, and I have no idea how you got here.”

Cody tried to speak, but Obi-wan pressed a thumb to his bottom lip, his eyes pleading, “I’d like to make you some dinner before we start talking about killing each other, please, humor me.”

There was a thick, raised line on Obi-wan’s palm that hadn’t been there before, he could feel it on his jaw. “Yeah, okay, I can do that.”

He had to lean on Obi-wan the whole walk out of the bedroom, and he couldn’t hold back a groan as he sank down into the chair that had been set out for him. Obi-wan hovered for a bit, and then left him with a glass of water and a wet towel for his face. 

The table was small, and there was a window alongside it that looked out on blue-tinted sand and twin moons. After making sure Obi-wan was busy in the kitchen, he spun around to inspect the living room which – despite having two armchairs, something that was fairly unreasonable for someone who lived alone – wasn’t actually that crowded.

Obi-wan brought their bowls out one at a time - Cody’s first - and mentioned not once, but twice, that he’d grown all the vegetables by himself.

Cody thanked him and tried very hard not to spill any of it despite the tremor in his wrist. It was surprisingly good, could have used some more spices, but the vegetables were just right, and it felt wonderful on his aching throat. His hunger took him by surprise, and without realizing it he had eaten half the bowl without saying a word. 

“Need something?” Obi-wan asked, when he realized that Cody had gone still.

He shook his head; everything was fine.

“Do you like the soup?”

“I’m still in love with you.” He said. 

Obi-wan raised his eyebrows and froze with his mouth half-open. Then his posture collapsed a little, and he turned to the open window where the dunes rolled on and on for as far as anyone could see.

Cody waited, he tried not to let the galaxy end around him.

“Commander,” Obi-wan said, after an eternity, “you realize I’m going to ask you to stay, don’t you?”

He couldn’t breathe, he didn’t dare.

“Cody?”

“You mean...here?”

Obi-wan scanned the dining room for a second, as if to confirm, and then nodded as he turned back, “Yes, live with me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I am.” Obi-wan straightened back up, his confidence was blinding, “I love you, stay.”


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this was an absolute joy, and the feedback I got was so overwhelmingly positive, I love all of you for taking the time to read this!! 
> 
> The best way to support me if you like this would be to recommend this fic to others, share the link - or one of the links I have on my tumblr (@cafffine, search #my writing), or just drop a kudos! 💗🌼
> 
> Here's your final reminder to talk to your plants!

“This him then?”

Cody’s arms were full, but he still managed an awkward sort of wave, “It’s nice to meet you, ma’am.”

“Don’t drop the melon,” Obi-wan hissed.

“Maybe if you were helping me carry-”

Obi-wan ignored him and jogged out in front to meet the old woman, “Yes! Here he is, you know you’re the first person he wanted to visit after he healed up.”

“Oh stars,” she crowed, “got two handsome men askin after me now? Shoulda worn a nicer dress.”

“I don’t know,” Cody craned his neck around the basket of fruit and smiled, “I think green’s your color miss, if you don’t mind me saying.”

She covered her face as she laughed and waved them past the front gate, “Think he’s my new favorite Ben, yer gonna have to try harder.”

“I wish I could argue with you,” Obi-wan huffed, setting a hand on Cody’s lower back to guide him up the stairs, “but I’m starting to like him too.”

Cody took his time setting the food out as Obi-wan and Yashotta caught up. Her house was lovely, and he knew immediately that he could get lost for hours looking through all the trinkets and photographs on the walls as if it were a museum. The front room - full of color and curtainless windows that brought the suns in - was paired perfectly with the open kitchen where Obi-wan was standing amongst sweet-smelling spices strung up from the ceiling to dry.

“Come see the back Cody, I think her snapdragons finally bloomed.”

He nodded, “I’m almost done, I’ll meet you out there.” A smile stuck on his face as Yashotta pushed past, followed by Obi-wan who left him a glass of lemonade on the table.

Once the porch door had closed and he was alone, he reached a hand into his back pocket and pulled the envelope out. It had gotten a bit folded up in the ride over, but the ink on the front wasn’t smudged, and he had no problem flattening it out between his palms.

_To Yash._ It read.

He left it over the fireplace, next to the picture of a man he recognized, and then he went out to see the snapdragons.

-

“Don’t you dare pick that cucumber; it needs at least two more days.”

Cody frowned, the bugs would be all over it by then, “And who’s going to stop me?”

“I’ll shave my beard.” Obi-wan threatened, “I mean it this time.”

“Shave it and I’m gone.”

“How _dare_ you.”

He shrugged as he dusted potting soil off his hands, “What’s more important Obi? This cucumber, or your marriage?”

Obi-wan hummed and slipped his arms around Cody’s waist from behind, “I don’t know, that’s a hard one.”

“Well, moment of truth,” Cody warned.

“Oh, have it your way,” Obi-wan grumbled, pressing a kiss to Cody’s cheek, “you heathen, I’ll add it to the salad.”

He pulled down on his trophy and dropped it into Obi-wan’s hand with a grin, “I knew you’d come around.”

“That reminds me, do you want to open that bottle of wine Yashotta left for us? It’s been sitting on the mantle for months.”

“Fine with me,” he raised an eyebrow as Obi-wan stepped away, “any reason for tonight? Did I forget an anniversary or something?”

“Just thought it’d be good with the pasta.”

He nodded and leaned down to inspect the new tomato buds, “Need help in the kitchen?”

Obi-wan stopped in the doorway as he thought, then shook his head, “I’m alright, I’ll come get you when everything’s ready.”

Cody winked at him as the door creaked shut, and then he tipped his face up to the painted sky. It was his favorite time of the evening, right before the suns began to set and shadows stretched for miles.

It was spring, and the air was crisp as he made his way through the rows of vegetables and marigold bushes that had somehow outgrown their planters again. He’d have to make another trip to town, which wasn’t a problem, the broccoli could use an upgrade as well, its leaves had started spilling out into the walkway. He ran his fingers through the basil as he passed and made a mental note to bring a few sprigs in as garnish for the pasta.

He came to rest at last in front of the delphiniums - tall bushy stalks of blue petals and little white faces that he’d picked out himself. They swayed side to side in the breeze while Obi-wan’s humming drifted out of the kitchen and into the garden. He was a little off-key, and Cody bit back a smile as he greeted the flowers with a salute,

“Hey, Rex.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, when we get down to it, I am a Rex stan. (Google delphiniums if you don't know them, they are beautiful!)
> 
> Okay here goes: 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who left comments and kudos, some of you have been here since chapter one and I literally owe you my life. This is a small fandom, lets be real, so the fact that so many of you were openly supportive and interacting means the world, thank you, thank you, marigolds are hardy, you can grow them anywhere.
> 
> @kitcatkim: thank you so much, I've never had a beta reader before this fic and you were SUCH a lovely way to start, you were so supportive and I loved getting to know you over the past few months, I can't wait for more!
> 
> CHEESE aka @cillyscribbles who is the amazing artist from ch3 & 4: Literally I could go on forever but you know I love ya and I don't think there was any greater motivator to finish this than your art, you're so talented, you're so kind, thank you 
> 
> (if u have any questions about the plot or characters please feel free to ask me in the comments! I promise I have an explanation for basically everything, I put way too much thought into this ....)
> 
> (yes, I am writing another fic for them, help me lol)


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